• OMG. Is the world ready for little 4-year-old David Banda? Madonna says, when it comes to her work: "He knows every song, every word, every step, and he wants to wear all the costumes." And:

"He likes my dress that I wear in 'La Isla Bonita.'" Her Madgesty says that all of her kids are into dancing and "secretly" study with her dancers. But she insists they are not spoiled: "They get great bonuses and perks out of being my children and they know it, and they're very grateful and appreciative for it. I think they are pretty balanced in terms of how they view fame or celebrity or things like that. I think it took them a while to adjust, but I think they're okay about it." [People]

• Bruce Springsteen has posted a statement on his website: "Like many of you who live in New Jersey, I've been following the progress of the marriage-equality legislation currently being considered in Trenton. I've long believed in and have always spoken out for the rights of same sex couples… I urge those who support equal treatment for our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters to let their voices be heard now." [AP, BruceSpringsteen.net]
• Buff Werewolf Taylor Lautner will be on Saturday Night Live this weekend, and in a video promo at the link featuring Taylor and Kristen Wiig, nothing funny happens. [JustJared]
• Julia Roberts got drunk and silly at a celebrity charades fund-raiser, saying things like, "I can't fucking lose on this!" And: "I usually go to sleep at 8:15! Let's have fun! I'm wearing tight pants and my kids are asleep!" [Page Six, Gatecrasher]
• On Barbara Walters' 10 Most Fascinating People, Kate Gosselin said that her kids miss the TLC cameras and were all "sobbing" at the loss of their pals: "They cried in the van on the way home from school the other day," Kate told Babs. "They kept asking, 'Where's the camera crew? Where's the camera crew? We miss them.' And I said, 'Our show is over.'" Lady, you need to start saving for therapy. Plus eight. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Barbara Walters' "10 Most Fascinating People" are: Glenn Beck, Lady Gaga, Kate Gosselin, Jenny Sanford (the wife of wandering South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford), Tyler Perry, Michael Jackson's three kids and Adam Lambert. Wait, isn't that 9? "A lot of people nobody had ever heard of last year," Babs says. "And a lot of it is about sexuality." [NY Post]
• Susan Boyle dreamed a dream and it came true! She sang on stage with Elaine Paige. The performance will air as part of a TV special. [Telegraph]
• 90 minutes before Tiger Woods' car crash, his wife, Elin, called Rachel Uchitel and yelled at her, "I know everything." Elin hurled a cellphone at Tiger and broke his tooth, then grabbed a golf club and chased him around the house. He ran to his car barefoot to get away from her. Allegedly. [NY Post via Star Magazine]
• Tiger Woods' reps offered a witness with "detailed knowledge" of Tiger's affair with Rachel Uchitel $200,000 to STFU. [Radar Online]
• Tiger Woods' best friend, Byron Bell, is getting married this weekend, and the bride is a sales rep for Nike. Tiger Woods is the face of Nike Golf, which is how Byron and the lady met. [TMZ]
• Is Beyoncé working on a lucrative, long-term contract with Wynn Las Vegas? [AP]
• Nicolas Cage's ex, Christina Fulton, claims he promised her a house but the evicted her — and, in addition, inflicted her with "mental, physical and emotional abuse" during their relationship. Which ended 15 years ago. She wants $13 million. [TMZ, People]
• Sienna Miller and Jude Law are on, and they don't even care who knows it. [Page Six]
• Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood and girlfriend Ekaterina Ivanova: Splitsville. Ronnie's relationship with Katya, as she is known, was responsible for the end of Ronnie's 23-year marriage to wife Jo. [Daily Mail]
• John Stamos says his "racy" pix are so tame he's going to release them himself! Blackmailers were trying to extort $680,000 from Uncle Jesse, even though the snaps just show John posing with fans. [NY Post]
• Danity Kane's Aubrey O'Day was seen "shaking everything she's got" in front of Samantha Ronson, who was not interested. [Page Six]
• Michael Jackson allegedly left his Las Vegas mansion a wreck; the place needs $234,000 (from Michael's estate) to repair damages. [TMZ]
• Matt Damon's dad is sick. [Alfre Woodard's daughter, Mavis Spencer, has been named 2010 Miss Golden Globe. She's an aspiring model and soon-to-be Columbia University freshman… And she's gorgeous. [ET]
• Coming to a theater near you on Valentine's Day, 2011: Pretend Wife, starring Adam Sandler and, maybe, Jennifer Aniston. The plot is under wraps but I imagine the two will PRETEND to like each other, hijinks will ensue, and they'll fall in love. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Josh Brolin: Being considered for a role in Men In Black 3. Why MIB3 is being considered is another story. [LA Times]
• If you want to see a KTLA newsguy go off on Perez Hilton, there's a video at the link. Dude calls the blogger a "talentless dope" and says: "We've been here long before Perez Hilton upchucked his way onto the scene and we'll be here long after he slithers away." [Fishbowl LA]
• There's been a possible break-in and theft at Nicky Hilton's house… Has the Beverly Hills Burglar Bunch struck again? [Pete Doherty. [Independent]
• The Craft star Rachel True has a stalker with a disgusting mind. The woman was arrested outside Rachel's house with a "large sex toy" in her possession. More lurid details at the link. [TMZ]
• RIP As The World Turns. My grandmother watched, and after she died, my grandfather watched. My mom watched, and me, my brother and sister watched in the summer. Meg Ryan, Julianne Moore and Marisa Tomei were all on the show before doing movies. End of an era! [NY Post]
• "I could be coming to Broadway. I sure want to. And nobody knows this. I haven't told anyone. You're the first to know. That is, if there's something to know… actually, it could even be off-Broadway. Right now it was just a reading, but I'm excited at the possibility. Who knows?" — Roseanne Barr might work with Ethan Hawke's theater company. [Cindy Adams]
• "We were together for a year, and we just started breeding. We were like, 'Let's have a baby!' And eight days later…" — Jennifer Garner, on her family planning with Ben Affleck. She also says: "I can live with Ben working crazy hours. But I can't live without girlfriends… It's fine if he's not there; I just need someone to bitch about it to." [Page Six via W]
• "I used to paint fried eggs. I was in a phase" — Shakira, in the upcoming issue of W magazine, on her amateur art career. [Page Six]
• "I can't remember when I was last carrying a film. To have a man's story entrusted to me has been very rare. It's in your hands. You have three wonderful co-stars, but basically [my character] George is yours for the day." — Colin Firth on Tom Ford's film A Single Man. [Reuters]
• "With each decade I've enjoyed a fuller feeling of womanliness. I'm healthy, busy and happy. I've nothing to complain about. And I like my body now. I have more curves. They come from age, but I don't care. I'm just glad they're there. At 40, I had my daughter Charlotte, and that was so exciting. At 50, I had just enough age really to appreciate all the good things. And at 60 I feel – touch wood – one has all the wisdom that one's accumulated, the perspective that it's a joyous thing to work with other people." — Sigourney Weaver, who also says she will not get Botox: "Actors' faces have to move. Yes, we want to see perfect people but we also want to see people who look like us. It's just about skin care to me and maybe exercise. I feel I've earned my laughter lines." [Telegraph]
• "I wanted to do the suicide scene, but was told it wouldn't be appropriate. I've also had to tone things down generally. But it doesn't matter, because I'm a massive fan of the queen. I was so excited and have even been practicing my curtsy." — Lady Gaga, on meeting Queen Elizabeth. [NY Post]
• "I'd love to be an assassin. Either that or a lesbian. Maybe both. Hey, a gay assassin, there's nothing hotter than that. Megan Fox would play my girlfriend — hands down. She's yummy. She's hot. All humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl." — Rihanna, when asked about future acting roles. [The Sun]

Though it seems Judd Apatow's name has been attached to nearly every comedy in the past few years, the ubiquitous advertising for Funny People stresses that this is only the third film he's written and directed himself.

His movie concerns George Simmons (Adam Sandler), a comedian who made a fortune starring in sophmoric comedies (not unlike Adam Sandler) who now lives by himself in a mansion without many friends. Years ago, he lost the love of his life when he cheated on Laura (Leslie Mann), who is now married to another man (Erica Bana) she suspects is cheating on her. When George learns he's dying from leukemia, he has no close friends to share the news with so he tells Ira Wright (Seth Rogen), an aspiring stand-up comedian, who he hires to be his assistant.

The first half of the film explores the relationship between George and Ira and the two sides of the L.A. comedy scene, contrasting George's lonely life after having achieved fame and Ira's relationship with his two roommates (Jason Schwartzman and Jonah Hill) who are still struggling to get into the business. Then, when it's revealed that George's disease is in remission, the movie shifts focus to George trying to rekindle his relationship with Laura.

Several critics describe Adam Sandler's performance as "a revelation," but some are disturbed that the character doesn't have a heart of gold beneath all the put downs and penis jokes (of which there are many). Most complain that the film, which runs almost two and a half hours, is too long, and some even say the entire second half of the movie should have been cut. But overall, critics find the film deeper than Apatow's previous ventures, even if - once again - it's a comedy about boys learning to be men. Below, the reviews.

The San Francisco Chronicle

Funny People is a true brass ring effort, a reach for excellence that takes big risks. It's 146 minutes, with a story that's more European in feeling than American. It's not tightly structured but concentrates on the characters and their lives. There are no comic set pieces, and the personalities aren't exaggerated. Virtually every laugh comes simply from people saying funny things that they know are funny. And then there's the story, the biggest risk of all, about a major screen comedian (Adam Sandler) who finds out that he has a rare blood disease with a grim prognosis. But don't let this stop you. Funny People is anything but morbid and there's nothing maudlin or laugh-clown-laugh about it. Apatow trusts in Funny People that his audience will find interesting what he finds interesting - the world of comedy, the people in it and the people drawn to it.

The Chicago Sun-Times

The thing about Funny People is that it's a real movie. That means carefully written dialogue and carefully placed supporting performances — and it's about something. It could have easily been a formula film, and the trailer shamelessly tries to misrepresent it as one, but George Simmons learns and changes during his ordeal, and we empathize. The film presents a new Seth Rogen, much thinner, dialed down, with more dimensions. Rogen was showing signs of forever playing the same buddy-movie co-star, but here we find that he, too, has another actor inside. So does Jason Schwartzman, who often plays vulnerable but here presents his character as the kind of successful rival you love to hate.

Rollling Stone

Mann, one of the strongest arguments for nepotism in the business, is simply sensational in the role, finding the right blend of humor and heartbreak in a woman who is understandably reluctant to give her trust to a man. Laura's divided loyalties are symptomatic of the film. Apatow has many stories to tell, too many. Ira's life in the house he shares with two competitive friends - a riotous Jonah Hill, as a fellow writer, and a terrific Jason Schwartzman (he also did the music) as an actor who stars in the deliciously demented sitcom Yo, Teach- could be its own movie, and a good one.

The Washington Post

And, like that film, Apatow has found the perfect actor to embody the dark side of fame in Sandler, who may be uniquely qualified to play a man who is universally loved but not very likable. As he did in Punch-Drunk Love and Reign Over Me, Sandler wisely underplays in Funny People, never begging for sympathy even when George is at his existential nadir. Indeed, viewers could see Funny People almost entirely as a commentary on Sandler's own persona, as he assumes the funny voices and accents that have made him a star, strumming his guitar to compose improvised ditties about (what else?) Ira's nether regions and, later, the contempt he feels for his own audience.

It's these moments that make Funny People a brave movie, especially for a filmmaker who could so easily coast on the joke/setup/joke paradigm he's so profitably mastered. Instead, Apatow has decided to make a long, somewhat shapeless movie that steadfastly refuses to adhere to a rigid narrative structure. The result is a story that feels loose-limbed and slightly messed up, following its own idiosyncratic course to get at truths that can't be contained in three acts. At nearly 2 1/2 hours, Funny People is arguably too long, but in the final analysis it earns that running time, if only because it's that rare mainstream Hollywood movie that feels genuinely spontaneous, unafraid to keep the audience just a little bit confounded and off-balance.

The New Yorker

The Adam Sandler of Funny People is a revelation. George Simmons has the remorselessness of a man without illusions, and he's frighteningly intelligent. He penetrates people's defenses instantly, spots the weaknesses and fears that they're covering up. Sandler shifts moods adroitly; he surprises us with his sudden outbursts, in which a comic's timing turns bitterness into wit... The meaning of Funny People is that a comic can't be saved by anyone, not even himself. There is only the next joke.

Has there ever been a movie with so many penis jokes? George sings a melancholy song about his member; Ira and Leo are obsessed with the sex they're not getting, but onstage they don't talk about women-they talk about their own, and other men's, equipment. This is the Apatow touch-the male panic about women which seems to veer toward homosexual attraction and then pulls back.

Reel Views

Funny Peopleis a different sort of movie, because it's more of a drama, and an uncomfortable one at that, than it is a comedy. Any relationships, whether male/female romances or male/male bonding, are secondary to Apatow's fascination with the travails of a misanthrope who is living under a death sentence. The movie will challenge Apatow fans and Sandler devotees. It's a brave move that is partially undone by pacing problems and a lack of focus. Despite having obviously been cut to bring down the running length, Funny Peoplestill clocks in at nearly 2 1/2 hours, and that's too long for these characters to sustain audience interest. The movie wears thin its welcome a couple of reels before Apatow has finished telling his story.

Overall, however, Funny Peopleis pretty grim. Not only is it wearying to spend 2 1/2 hours in the company of a bipolar, self-absorbed creep, but the story is told in a choppy, uneven manner. For a while, it appears that Funny Peoplewill balance things out between George and Ira. For the first half of the movie... There's a buddy vibe. Then, things are suddenly all about George and Laura re-kindling their long-dormant love, with Ira being shunted to one side, held in reserve to baby-sit Laura's kids and spearhead the contrivance that allows the movie to arrive at the climactic confrontation that brings everything to a head.

Slate

Funny Peoplehas the shagginess and overambition of a "sophomore novel," but as with many sophomore novels, it's the flaws that make it fascinating. It's too long, but scene by scene, it's never boring. The story unfolds in leisurely swaths that could be regarded either as rich explorations of character or self-indulgent digressions. It's that niceness problem again; Apatow loves his characters, and his actors, not wisely but too well. He can't bear to sacrifice one joke, one tear, one chance to ogle his pretty wife and frequent leading lady, Leslie Mann. And though she and his buddies may love him for it, that all-inclusiveness is harming Apatow's work.

It's this last act that's received the most criticism (and which likely contains the 30 minutes that Universal unsuccessfully tried to get Apatow to cut). And there's no question the tonal shift is jarring, with romantic farce (Laura's husband comes back early from a business trip, interrupting her and George's idyll) replacing the black comedy of the earlier movie. There are also some scenes that beg for excision: I could have done without any shots of dogs licking peanut butter off the leads' faces, much less an extended montage. Yet some of the movie's strongest dramatic moments also take place in this baggy final third.

Variety

While it has its moments, this long latter stretch drains the picture of what little momentum it had and switches the focus to Laura and her own marital problems, which are annoying and not entirely convincing. Beset with persistent disappointment over a thwarted career while living in paradise with lovely kids and a hunky, if errant, mate, she's just not an interesting or even very tolerable character, her behavior stemming entirely from confusion, panic and emotional impulse. Mann hits all the surface notes, but never reveals anything beneath the manic surface.

The Village Voice

Mercifully, Funny Peopleis probably the least bathetic, self-pitying movie about death and dying to come out of Hollywood since Albert Brooks'Defending Your Life. When he receives his diagnosis, George doesn't sit around feeling sorry for himself, or set out on some inspirational quest to do everything he ever wanted to do before he dies, or any of the other things people in movies tend to do in these situations. Instead, like probably most of the people you and I know who have faced similar bad news, he resolves to fight this thing the best he can and get on with the business of living.

In fact, there's so much that's so disarmingly good and sharp about Funny People that you wish the whole movie weren't so much of a shambles. I've seen the film twice, and both times, exactly halfway into its two-and-a-half-hour running time, I have felt the cabin shudder and noticed tiny fissures forming in the fuselage.... It's hard enough for a movie to withstand the introduction of a whole set of major characters past the point when most movies are wrapping things up, and it's even harder when those characters feel so incongruous to everything that has come before. On one hand, Laura and her brood shouldseem incongruous to George and his solitary life, but the feeling is one of unintentional mismatch.

The Boston Globe

Yet the final hour, which takes place over a long weekend in Marin County, goes nowhere slowly. The point - George may be cured but he's no better - is lost amid the unfocused farce, and it's up to Eric Bana to walk away with the honors as the ex's husband, a cheerfully neurotic stud. The only way to salvage this part of Funny People would have been to hack it off like a diseased limb, and I say this as someone with an unhealthy admiration for the charms of Leslie Mann. The problem is that Apatow is stuck between gears. (That, and there's probably no one around him to say no at this point.) Hiring the great cinematographer Janusz Kaminski (Schindler's List and so on) means little when a director lacks a distinct visual sensibility. Trying to honestly portray the way people simultaneously need and use each other is impossible when all the characters can do is talk about each other's testicles.

The New York Times

That rekindled flame, Laura, is played by Mr. Apatow's wife, Leslie Mann, a brittle, lightweight comic talent who giggles and flutters right on cue, widening her eyes at George with obligatory adoration. She's fine, but the gushy romance she brings with her is a drag. As is true of almost all the female characters in Mr. Apatow's movies, Laura's role is to help George grow up, to get out of both his own head and insular masculine world. Yet while this dynamic worked in The 40-Year-Old Virgin and to a lesser extent in Knocked Up, in this movie the romantic complications are primarily situational: she's married. Honor, rather than George's ego (it isn't in remission) stands in their way, which gives him - and Mr. Apatow - an easy out.

Salon

Funny People is an ambitious, misshapen picture that feels like two, maybe even three, separate movies uncomfortably jammed into one. Apatow has gone for "quality" with a capital "Q": Shot by Janusz Kaminski, the movie has a classy glow. Much of it takes place in the lush interiors of comfortable but expensively appointed interiors, and Kaminski shoots them so they look desirable one minute and like prisons the next — they're visual symbols of the complexities of success. That's particularly true in the first section of the picture: George's house is a lavish wonder of Moroccan lanterns and plush couches, but he wanders through it like a lost boy.

Time

On its surface, Funny Peopleis about stand-up comedians who have a love-hate obsession with their penises. In the movie's many stand-up routines, Apatow surely breaks the feature-film record for dick jokes, including one told by Andy Dick. It ought to be called Funny Penises.

Apatow has mixed humor and heart before, but never humor so raw or heart so bleeding. He sets up his audience to go for the gross, then tell them to feel deeply for the folks he's been making fun of. He wants it both ways, and gets neither. Many of his fans, without begrudging his stab at working outside his comfort zone, will beg him to please, please, go back and make Judd Apatow movies.

• According to this report, Samantha Ronson went out with Sopranos actress Drea De Matteo last night, got into a fight with Lindsay Lohan about it, and threw LL's clothes out into the street.

Can't really tell if the supposedly illustrative pictures at the link actually reflect that, but whatever. [Daily Mail]

• Oy: Rumor has it that Kevin Federline is working with VH1 on a new reality show costarring his girlfriend, Victoria Prince, and his kids, Sean Preston and Jayden James. Just what the world needs. [E!]
• Meanwhile, Britney's conservatorship might be coming to an end, when her tour winds down in November. She seems like she's doing pretty good, no? [TMZ]
• Mischa Barton's model-centric CW show, The Beautiful Life, will go on with or without her — which means that producers are casting a new recurring character as a Plan B., in case Mischa is not ready for filming the last week of July. [EW]
• Madonna is in Marseilles, where she visited with the victims of the stage collapse which left two dead. She met with the widow of a worker and also went to the hospital where eight injured workers are being treated. [Daily Mail]
• Burn Notice actor Jeffrey Donovan was arrested for DUI in Miami Beach. Nice stubble in the mug shot. [NY Daily News]
• Jon Gosselin and Hailey Glassman were seen hanging out in an upstate New York park, and "They kept stopping to make out - and they made out a lot." [Gatecrasher]
• The reporter Jon Gosselin had dinner with over the weekend often "uses her charms" to get stories, and sometimes wears wigs when she follows celebrities, so as not to be recognized. [Page Six]
• "Are Kate Gosselin and Madonna workout buddies? The Jon & Kate star has arms that mirror Madge's." [NY Daily News]
• It's official: Emma Watson will attend Brown University in the fall. [People]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy: Engaged! [Page Six]
• When Heidi Klum was followed by paparazzi as she took her kids to a NYC park last week, it was other parents at the park who were pissed: They asked the snappers to leave, and when the photographers didn't, the moms and dads threw water balloons at them. [Daily Express]
• Sienna Miller has seen her GI Joe action figure, and she is not impressed. "My doll is cross-eyed and has the biggest chin you have ever seen. Action figures are always a bit off, aren't they? Oddly enough from side on, it is definitely me but front on she looks sort of possessed." [The Sun]
• Here's a video of Katherine Heigl talking about T.R. Knight going to do Broadway now that he's not on Grey's Anatomy: "That really pisses me off," she says. [E!]
• David Beckham's coach is criticizing the player for confronting jeering fans at the first home game of the season: "We appreciate our players and fans passion for the team and the game, but we all must aim to hold ourselves to higher standards." [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse's mom says the star is on the road to recovery: "A year ago, everyone was saying: 'Will she get through this, will she even survive?' And look at her now. We've got the old Amy back. I always knew she'd come through it. And I know she doesn't want to go back to the drugs. St Lucia was good in many ways because there were no hard drugs around, but she was bored, so she drank…She's put on a bit of weight and looks better than she has in a long time… She was busy cooking, so that's a good sign that she's actually eating. I think she's pleased to be home and I know she's happier now." [Mirror]
• Bonnie Somerville played Suzie Cavandish in Labor Pains, and she says of Lindsay Lohan: "She is supertalented. I had a great time working with her." [E!]
• A balloon company sent Jennifer Lopez a giant bouquet of balloons for her twins, which she promptly sent back. Maybe the colorful arrangement was not classy enough for Jenny from the block? [TMZ]
• Re: Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson: A source says: "Tony pulled the plug because he couldn't stand the constant heat Jessica was putting on him to get married… The final nail in the coffin was an argument they had over how to celebrate Jessica's birthday. She wanted a splashy Ken & Barbie-themed bash with all of her celebrity friends, and Tony wanted a quiet, low-key dinner for just the two of them." [MSNBC via National Enquirer]
• Susan Boyle will appear in an interview on the Today show tomorrow, in which she says of sudden fame: "The impact, like a demolition ball. You know, and anyone who has that kind of impact — finds it really hard to get a head around it. I guess I had to get my head around it, but through the — the guidance of a great team, and they are very good, I was able to see that in perspective and really turn that around a little." [Reuters]
• "Harry Potter's love interest rivals Emma Watson in fashion stakes… Emma Watson finally has competition as the most glamourous Harry Potter screen siren after Bonnie Wright who plays Ginny Weasley was photographed looking equally spellbinding." [Telegraph]
• Mark Lester, godfather of Michael Jackson's children, claims that after the memorial service, 7-year-old Blanket Jackson seemed confused about what was going on. "It is obvious to me that Blanket is still unsure about what exactly happened to his father.He said, 'Where's Daddy gone? On holiday?' It was a rhetorical question and it broke my heart." [Mirror]
• The Jackson family is still "agonizing" over the decision of where to bury the King of Pop, but his body is "temporarily interred" at Forest Lawn Memorial-Park and Mortuary in Los Angeles. [People]
• Joe Jackson was on Larry King Live, where he seemed to blame Dr. Conrad Murray for Michael Jackson's death: "The doctor gave him something to make him rest, and then he don't wake up no more. Something is wrong there," Joe said. [AP]
• Another report claiming that Katherine Jackson is being manipulated to dispute Michael's will. [TMZ]
• Joe Jackson says the rumor that he wants to take Michael's kids on tour as the Jackson 3 is "a bunch of jive." And when asked if he was abusive to Michael when he was a kid, he said: "That's a bunch of bull S." [CNN]
• August 29 would have been Michael Jackson's 51st birthday, and there may be two tribute concerts at London's O2 Arena in August to celebrate. [TMZ]
• Russell Brand. Goat farming. [RussellBrand.TV]
• Ciara is on the cover of Social Life magazine, but she skipped the party for the isue in East Hampton because she had a chance to go into the studio with Justin Timberlake. Social Life editor Devorah Rose has a much lengthier explanation, which you can read at the link if you wish. [Observer]
• There was some chaos at Chace Crawford's birthday party because the prettyboy didn't want to pose for photos. What the hell are we going to paste in our scrapbooks, hmm? [Page Six]
• Will Lizzie Grubman be on Real Housewives Of New York? Short answer: No. [Page Six]
• Jorja Fox: Returning to CSI. [UPI]
• Nicolas Cage is in talks to play the villain in The Green Hornet. Cameron Diaz is negotiating to play a reporter and love interest; Seth Rogen will star. [Variety]
• Uma Thurman will star in Girl Soldier, an indie film about a cleric who helped rescue 140 schoolgirls abducted in Uganda. [Variety]
• "Tyler Perry is paying for 65 children from a Philadelphia day camp to go to Walt Disney World after reading about allegations that a suburban swim club had shunned them because of racism." [AP]
• Ryan O'Neal says he is dealing with Farrah Fawcett's death by answering condolence notes from her fans. [UPI]
• Ryan O'Neal is also spilling about what Redmond O'Neal's last words were to his mother Farrah Fawcett on her death bed, which is maybe a little too intimate. [People]
• Marissa Jaret Winokur is still blogging her "weight-loss journey," although this week, it's "I Fell Off the Diet Wagon." Tons and tons of candy, thanks to her son's first birthday party. [People]
• Jamie Waylett, who plays Vincent Crabbe in the Harry Potter movies, has been ordered to do 120 hours of community service after admitting to growing 10 cannabis plants at his mother's house. [Daily Mail]
• "Bruce Lee's older sister and younger brother have authorized a Chinese company to make a series of biographical films about the late kung fu icon, saying they want to produce a historically accurate account of their brother's life." [AP]
• Whatshisname says he and Whatshername don't let the kids see them fight. [Mirror]
• Whatshisname fell off a stage, btw. [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which indie starlet secretly has a house decorated entirely with Alice in Wonderland paraphernelia?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I would daydream about it all the time. I thought about the fact that there were children who didn't have anything, and I felt like I could help. It was something that weighed on me. It was something I did for the world and for my son and then for me." — Mary Louise Parker always knew she would adopt someday. [People]
• "It was fun. It was a new experience for me just to take my clothes off on camera. So to be able to scream, to be hysterical, to act out all that suffering and all those tears… well, it's not something you get to do every day." — Charlotte Gainsbourg, on controversial and violent film Antichrist. [Telegraph]
• "I'd like to go on record that he is a gentleman. He has not touched me in a bad place once." — Judd Apatow, on Russell Brand. [Mirror]
• "It's a coincidence. It's from a book called Once is Not Enough by Jacqueline Susann. Bad book… People think that I changed my name. I could've been an actress, a superhero, or a stripper." — January Jones, on her name and being born in January. Also, click to see her on the cover of Interview! [JustJared via Interview]
• "The double-edged sword of working with family is it can be the most fulfilling experience you've ever had, but the flip side is it can also be the most tortuous and most stressful, because it's your family and the lines can get blurry." — Shaun Cassidy, who, along with brothers Ryan, David and Patrick, is starring in a new ABC Family show, Ruby & The Rockits. [LA Times]
• "Stand-up is good when you're rolling. When it goes down you feel like 'why the hell did I come here?' and the same thing in acting. If it's not clicking you feel like an ass." — Adam Sandler. [Mirror]
• "This project was rife with opportunities for me to fuck it up enormously and, by doing so, prove my own limitations. To botch the whole thing would have been calamitous." — Hugh Dancy, on Adam, the film about a man with Asperger's. [BlackBook]
• "I see a lot myself in him, he is a Cancer, just like I am. I would love to meet him. He makes me smile just when I see him." — Lil' Kim on Nelson Mandela. [Mirror]

• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's former bodyguard Mickey Brett might pen a tell-all or sell a TV show based on his life working for the A-list couple.

The thing is, how juicy can it possibly be? We're not talking Courtney Love-style antics with those two; it's probably like, strollers, diapers, sex, travel, diapers, diapers, sex, movie set, diapers, diapers diapers. (Sex!) [MSNBC]

• Angelina and Brad's "hot shot" attorney, Marty Singer, is calling the bodyguard a "pathological liar." [LA Times]
• As part of the trial, the court has learned that Tyra's stalker slipped into her TV studio asking to see his "very good friend." [NY Daily News]
• Parts of Heidi and Spencer's wedding had to be retaped after a generator went out in the church. Romantic! [Page Six]
• Chris Noth has indeed signed on for Sex And The City 2 Electric Boogaloo or Sex And The City 2 The Streets or whatever but Sarah Jessica Parker says she doesn't know if Carrie and Big will have kids. She also has no "clue" whether Dancing With The Stars phenom Gilles Marini will be in the sequel but my Magic 8 Ball says: Duh. [E!]
• Marc Jacobs is helping Madonna and Jesus Luz stay together! A source spills: "[Marc] wrote a letter of support for Jesus' work permit. Marc campaigned for Jesus, saying he is highly talented and a necessity to the label." Also, this report calls Madge a " well-connected cougar." Let's all get reductive! [MSNBC]
• Sniffle! According to this source, when Jesus Luz walked in a recent fashion show, "None of the other models would talk to Jesus or even look at him. They were gossiping like catty girls about how they couldn't wait for his career to fizzle out." Then they wouldn't let him play any reindeer games. [Gatecrasher]
• Casey Aldridge has been hospitalized since Sunday when he flippped his pickup truck and suffered a head injury; he will be moved from the ICU on Monday. [People]
• Rihanna is in Barbados with a "Chris Brown lookalike," which basically means the guy is black. [Daily Mail]
• "I try to be a friend for Miley," Billy Ray Cyrus says. "I know that's not everyone's parenting style… A friend, partner as an actor, a singer, songwriter and let her be a teenage girl and do her thing." Is that why you guys have matching highlights? [MSNBC]
• Uh, what? Susan Boyle has issued an ultimatum to Simon Cowell: "Let me sing or I'll quit the show." Apparently she is miffed that she has to wait five weeks before her next appearance on Britain's Got Talent. [Daily Express, The Sun]
• There are several horrifying things about this story involving Michael Jackson and his kids shopping at the Ed Hardy store in L.A.: First, the children are wearing school uniforms and feathered masquerade masks; second, MJ is wearing a fedora, headscarf, surgical mask and hideous green blazer; third, Michael Jackson's PANTS are BEYOND FUG. [Daily Mail]
• Robert Pattinson will star in a romantic drama called Remember Me, the story of a young couple whose relationship is complicated by a series of family tragedies. He'll be shooting in New York, so get ready to stalk the sparkly vampire in the gritty city. The leading lady role has not yet been cast: Who do you think it should be? [Mirror]
• In this video, Lost's Evangeline Lily talks about Jack and Sawyer. Uh, Matthew Fox and Josh Holloway. Anyway there's a nanosecond in which Sawyer has his shirt off and he is kissing Kate so click for that. [Breitbart]
• Snoop Dogg was in court yesterday, denying that he hit a dude with a brass-knuckle microphone. The guy in question has testified that he woke up backstage, naked and in a pool of blood; Snoop's position on this is that the man ran up on stage and security intervened, thinking Snoop was being attacked. [AP]
• "Intimate" pictures of Carla Bruni and an ex-lover were stolen during a burglary in Paris and apparently the "thieves appeared to know exactly what they were looking for." [Daily Mail]
• Here's a "cute" story about Justin Timberlake pressuring Jessica Biel to get wasted: "Everyone was doing shots of tequila, but Jess said she didn't want to drink anymore. Justin good-naturedly insisted, so she pulled her hair back and drank up!" [Gatecrasher]
• For $40, superfans can take a Gossip Girl bus tour of New York, and see the locations which serve as the homes and school of the characters. Just remember, only plebes take the bus. [Gothamist]
• Renée Zellweger turned 40 and Dan Abrams, Hugh Grant, Bradley Cooper, Neil Patrick Harris, Madonna, Kelly Ripa and Harry Connick Jr. were among the revelers. [Page Six]
• That dude Marilyn is still telling anyone who will listen that he was in a relationship with Gavin Rossdale in the '80s. [Daily Express]
• Pharrell Williams has been getting laser removal of his tattoos, which looks traumatizing, and now he's wearing a sling he made from a Burberry scarf. Ink removal must be really really really painful. [The Life Files, The Life Files]
• Something something financial crisis something something Aussie bank ANZ something something spent $1 million bringing Paris and Nicky Hilton to Australia for a New Year's Eve party in Sydney. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Shirley Jones, the mom on The Partridge Family, will be topless on an upcoming episode of A&E's The Cleaner. This report snipes, "We hope with her back to the camera." [Page Six]
• Edie Falco says she would gladly do a Sopranos flick: "I don't actually see it happening, but I've been surprised before." [E!]
• The Daily Fail asked Joan Collins how she would makeover Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, and Joan was delighted and thorough: "Camilla should invest in a one-piece bodysuit that hugs her figure and pulls her in at the waist. And shoulder pads are excellent for improving shape. […] A richer, honey-blonde shade, with paler highlights at the front and sides, would bring light to her face. […] Finally, Camilla's mouth is crying out for a strong-coloured lipstick." [Daily Mail]
• Don Johnson will play a "mustachioed porn director" in Born To Be A Star, the porn-themed Adam Sandler comedy. The plot? A small-town nerd learns his quiet and demure parents were famous porn stars in the 70s, and this inspires him to head for Hollywood and fullfill his destiny banging on camera. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Amanda Peet has joined the cast of Gulliver's Travels, which stars Jack Black. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Dynasty star Linda Evans is the winner of the UK's Hell's Kitchen 2009. [Daily Mail]
• A lady is suing Wolfgang Puck due to a terrible incident which occurred in the bathroom of his Beverly Hills restaurant Spago, which I'd prefer not to get into so early in the day. [TMZ]
• Blind item! "Which Oscar winner's girlfriend won't let him get to third base? She's afraid of STDs." [Gatecrasher]
• "They tried to arrest me in Russia, for leather at St. Basil's. But all is calm in the red square, as I leave the east Parisbound." — Lady GaGa. [Perez]
• "I've actually broken up with boyfriends for inspiration. When I hit a period of not being able to write music, I get up and walk away. It's pretty mean but it's true." — Lily Allen. [Daily Express]
• "I've had to end good relationships, and I know how we talked about them, and tried to be nice and everything, but I think ... maybe that bruised a little bit more on the other side than I noticed, or than it did me. Because when you flip it over, I know there were times when I was the dumpee or whatever, and I was like, 'No way am I showing her how much this is hurtin.'" — Matthew McConaughey. [USA Today]
• "Steve-O was scared and nervous, we needed to take him to the mental ward — I instructed the guys that if he doesn't want to go, knock him out, but he went and he's actually doing really good now. He's in so much a better place now and I'm really proud of him." — Johnny Knoxville. [The Star]
• "It's true that I've never had a burning desire to rebel against my parents. But in other respects I think I have rebelled. I mean, I rebelled against my record label when they wanted to shelve me, and I've rebelled against people trying to push me around in the recording studio. To me, that's always been much more exciting than going out and getting drunk. I remember at high school trying to cheer up my girlfriends who were crying in the bathroom after some party when they couldn't remember who they'd made out with the night before. You see, I don't ever want to be that girl in the bathroom crying." — Taylor Swift. [Telegraph]
• "We try to protect ourselves from being fully in love and fully open and fully vulnerable, and really all we're doing is protecting ourselves from love and real love and the opportunity to really learn and grow with another person, so it's actually really detrimental, and you think it's helping." - Pink. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "The Type A thing is a big misunderstanding. It's funny to me that I have been portrayed as a closed-off, uptight person. I'm very open. Type A is my blood type." — Reese Witherspoon. [Elle UK]

• OMG! Project Runway's Tim Gunn will host the red-carpet arrivals at the official Academy Awards pre-show? Genius. Good Morning America's Robin Roberts and Entertainment Weekly's Jess Cagle will join him. Excellent. Carry on! [Variety]

• Prince is having an late-night Oscar bash, and Prince has decided that Prince will perform. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Oh dear: An L.A. woman has filed a $4 billion class action lawsuit against Miley Cyrus, claiming the Disney teen knowingly mocked Asians in a recent photo. Shit, meet fan. [TMZ]
• Margaret Cho thinks Miley Cyrus is "a disgrace." [Perez]
• Did you see Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman last night? You'll find what happened in the dictionary under "trainwreck." (Or at the link here.) [Nikki Finke's Deadline Hollywood]
• Post-steroid-scandal, Alex Rodriguez "ran right home to [wife] Cynthia," which has pissed off Madonna. She's telling A-Rod that her dalliance with Jesus Luz is just a publicity stunt; Rodriguez says he needs to salvage his career. According to this piece, "Now that he's unable to focus all his attention on Madonna, she only wants him more." [Gatecrasher]
• Holy crap: Michael Jackson has some kind of MRSA-type skin infection, like a flesh-eating virus or a staph infection, and it is sad and horrifying. Plus, from the looks of this picture, it hurts. [The Sun]
• Prince Harry has been formally disciplined after being caught on video calling a fellow soldier a racial slur. He will attend an equality and diversity course, and the incident will go on his permanent record. [Mirror, Guardian]
• What is the deal with George Clooney and Benazir Bhutto's 26-year-old niece, Fatima? Pakistan is "besotted" by their "affair." [Independent]
• Clooney's rep says the rumor that Clooney is dating Fatima is false. [WowOwow]
• Lily Allen had a "secret show" last night in New York, and in addition to material from her new album — the bouncy "Fuck You" and stuff from her old CD ("Smile") she covered Britney's "Womanizer." While singing about blow jobs, she "gulped wine" on stage. [Rolling Stone]
• Nicolette Sheridan is packing up her stuff and leaving Wisteria Lane; she will no longer be on Desperate Housewives. [Extra]
• Mary-Kate Olsen looks high fashion freaky in her pictures for the March issue of Interview; she tells the mag about differentiating herself from her sister: "We've always been very different. And we've always had the same goals… At a certain point, we probably just started to vocalize it. When we decided to go to college, we figured we'd be able to take a break and just figure out what we wanted to do and what we loved… just by being able to step away from the work world." [ONTD]
• Queen Latifah was on a bus tour of Newark, N.J. yesterday to promote options that will help homeowners avoid foreclosures. [UPI]
• Had Rihanna been working on a song about murdering a cheating partner before she was attacked by Chris Brown? [The Sun]
• Chris Brown is currently holed up at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Except that this report says Chris Brown and Rhianna are both in L.A. Oh, and don't click this link unless you want to read a whole lot of bullshit speculation about how Rihanna maybe hit Chris first and "Lamborghini's [sic] have small cabins that are hard to maneuver in. Brown, who would have been driving, could have used his teeth as a weapon to defend himself against Rihanna's flailing." [Fox 411]
• Sigh, there is a delay in the Chris Brown case. The D.A spokesperson says: "It's our understanding the LAPD won't return the case to us this week. Once we get it, we will review it again to determine if there's a case." Wait, what? [People]
• Here's a better explanation of whether Chris should be charged with criminal threats or the lesser charge of domestic battery. [TMZ]
• Cops will reinterview Chris Brown and Rihanna again soon. [NY Daily News]
• Chris Brown's wardrobe stylist says: "Chris is all right. He's a good kid. He feels very bad that something like this has happened." Ugh! Passive talk. He feels bad "something happened" or he feels bad about what he did? [People]
• Leona Lewis denies involvement in the Chris Brown/Rihanna situation. [Daily Mail]
• When asked by paparazzi about Chris Brown, Terrence Howard said: "Chris is a great guy. He'll be all right." Now he says: "When they asked me about Chris Brown the other day, I was in no way aware of what he had been accused of. Had I known, I would have never had said something so insensitive." Seriously dude? Put down the baby wipes and pick up a newspaper or something. [E!]
• Clive Owen continues to promote his film and charm the underpants off of us. [CBS News]
• Drew Barrymore says Adam Sandler was her favorite on-screen kiss. "It was really innocent and unsalacious." [Mirror]
• Whoa: Nicolas Sarkozy proposed to Carla Bruni within two hours of meeting her. [Daily Mail]
• Groan: Sports Illustrated cover moddle Bar Refaeli ate cheeseburgers and ice cream before her shoot and did not work out. [Gatecrasher]
• Will Sean Penn be in a Three Stooges biopic? [Page Six]
• Balthazar Getty's exit from Brothers & Sisters will be "shocking." Spoilers all there if you click the link. [E!]
• Sam Shepard pled guilty to DUI and speeding from that bust last month in Illinois — he had a .175 blood alcohol level. Drunkety drunk drunk drunk. [TMZ]
• Kate Hudson has a stripper pole in her bathroom and a spy says: "She's so proud of it. She was laughing and giddy like a kid when the thing was installed! She holds on with both her arms and flips her legs into the air. It's kind of amazing and totally sexy." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Joe Francis is no longer on house arrest. He's free to go wild. [TMZ]
• Steven Seagal wants Costa Rica to have a filmmaking industry. "Costa Rica has everything — both rain forest and dry climate. What it lacks is an infrastructure to make movies," he said in a news conference. Send us plane tickets and let us judge for ourselves! [Reuters]
• Akon has a Chevron gas station in his backyard. [The Life Files]
• Blind item! "Which pro athlete's actress-girlfriend is going to be less than pleased when she discovers he's sleeping with college girls on the side?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Any actor who starts taking 'sex symbol' seriously or thinks of themselves as a sex symbol has got some serious problems. When I'm in my normal life I care very little about how I look. Sometimes I have to dress up when I'm making movies, but that's not me when I'm just hanging around. I don't mind looking like I need a good wash and a good meal. There's no vanity about my character and I think that's real. His absolute obsessive passion is trying to bring a bank down. He doesn't care how he looks. So I just stopped shaving and left it to the make-up people to make sure I looked bad in every scene." — Clive Owen. [Mirror]
• "I had to be chained to the ceiling with a hood over my head, in my boxer shorts, being hosed down by a soldier, with cold air fans blowing on me. I wouldn't recommend being tortured by Samuel L Jackson. He seems to enjoy it a little too much." — Michael Sheen, who filmed Unthinkable with Jackson. [Telegraph]
• "She's so different from me. She's so focused on the outside. She just loves clothes and she just loves life, and she wants to make the world more beautiful. How often do you read a comedy script with a woman in the lead, and she's actually a flawed, deluded character? And I was able to do physical comedy. It was a dream role." — Isla Fisher on Rebecca Bloomwood, her Shopaholic character. [USA Today]
• "The people who are the most beautiful are those who do what they love to do – who have love in their lives, and laugh a lot, go to good movies, read good books, and have great sex. A guy who's a chauvinist I'm not interested in. Any good man knows women are much smarter than men." — Carla Gugino, to Women's Health. [People]
• "We very rarely talk but when we do, it sure makes me laugh. She's one of the funniest ladies I know and I hold huge amounts of love and respect for her. She's my big sister. Things were wild during the years I was with her in the band and she's one of the wildest creatures I've ever met, but I have my own personal perception of her. There's nobody else like her. I feel like there should be a review of the great stuff that Hole and Courtney put out there. I would support that because I feel it's important to pass on to women of future generations." — Melissa Auf der Maur on Courtney Love. [ONTD via Spinner]
• "When you look at someone like Jessica [Simpson], I don't know if she gained weight, but it's all I've heard about. I'm looking for someone with a great voice, but if someone is 50 pounds overweight, I have to tell them the reality - that it might hold them back." — American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi. [MSNBC]

[Malibu, November 4. Image via x17]

[Los Angeles, September 1. Image via x17]

The A.V. Club:

Sandler plays the title character as an over-the-top cross between Paul Bunyan, Rambo, and Warren Beatty in Shampoo. He catches bullets with his nostril, swims like a dolphin, has what appears to be an overweight groundhog in his shorts, and is able to instantly transform a volley of stones hurled at him by angry Palestinian kids into a charming rock animal. To borrow a phrase from Mr. Show, Zohan repeatedly brings moviegoers to the verge of laughter, only to leave them there; it's sure to inspire plenty of embarrassed smiles but few belly laughs, unless audiences find the unconventional use of hummus, hacky-sack, and disco-dancing (three of the film's limp running gags) inherently hilarious. Sandler's famously easy-to-please fans will certainly find it amusing, but for anyone over the age of 12, it's considerably more goofy than good.

New York Times:

“Subtle” and “maturity” may seem like odd words to use about a movie that wrings big laughs from pelvic gyrations, indoor Hacky Sack and filthy-sounding fake-Hebrew and -Arabic words. But much as it revels in its own infantilism, You Don’t Mess With the Zohan is also brazenly self-confident in its refusal to pander to the imagined sensitivity of its audience. In this it differs notably from Albert Brooks’s Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World, which approached some of the same topics with misplaced thoughtfulness and tact. I suppose some Middle East policy-scolds may find reasons to quarrel with Zohan, either for being too evenhanded or not evenhanded enough in its treatment of Israelis and Palestinians. Did I mention that it’s a comedy?

The Hollywood Reporter:

As a commando-turned-hairdresser with superheroic strength and a supersized crotch, Adam Sandler gets the Israeli accent and the disco swagger just right. Laughs are less of a sure thing in You Don't Mess With the Zohan, but the comedy star's legions of fans will welcome the cheerfully crude proceedings as a return to silliness after several earnest, lower-key character turns. The melange of Middle East diplomacy, action absurdity, sexual healing and, when in doubt, hummus, wavers between muscular and middling. It's a surefire hit.

Entertainment Weekly:

There is… about enough novelty to fill a seven-minute sketch, most of it relating to the sweetness with which Sandler initially presents himself as a curly-haired, hyper-macho Israeli super-Jew. This proudly Semitic James Bond is good to his parents (Shelley Berman plays Zohan's papa like a pussycat compared with the kibitzing the old pro gave Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm), good to the tawny, bikinied Tel Aviv girls who flirt with him, good to his Israeli comrades, and even good to the little Arab kids whose villages he's sometimes forced to disrupt on the hunt for terrorists. Everything he loves about his country is summed up in his love of hummus; he even brushes his teeth with the stuff. There are at least as many hummus visual jokes in this movie as there were ancient tribes in Israel.

Washington Post:

In You Don't Mess With the Zohan, Adam Sandler manages to stereotype pretty much everyone in the Western Hemisphere. It's not like he's bravely confronting political correctness by reveling in expressing the nastiest stereotypes; it's more like he hasn't heard of political correctness and is unfamiliar with the concept of stereotypes in the first place. His mind is stuck at the 8-year-old level.

Christianity Today:

But politics of some sort is never far from view, and just as I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry ended on a didactic note, so too You Don't Mess with the Zohan has scenes in which Israelis and Arabs vent all their frustrations, peacefully and verbally, before finding that they agree on the sexual allure of various presidents' and senators' wives. But while all these racial and cultural barriers are being broken, two easy stereotypes remain firmly intact: the evil white businessman, and the evil white redneck.

'You Don't Want To Mess With The Zohan' opens today, nationwide.

The Good
Anna Faris, aka "That girl from Scary Movie" looks downright pretty.
I love Emmanuelle Chriqui's nightgown-inspired dress, because lord knows I love me a nightgown.
Oh look, it's "that chick from Superbad" looking super good. Her name is Emma Stone; take note friends.
Malina Akerman from Harold and Kumar To To White Castle rocks a dress I'd wear 420 times in a row.
Not that Adam Sandler is unattractive, but you know he's got to be psyched to be standing alongside his gorgeous, pregnant wife.
It's the super cool dude from Happy Days! Just kidding, it's David Spade channeling The Fonz, channeling my heart.


The Bad
Old School's Perrey Reeves looks sorta "mother-of-the-bride" here. Ha, just kidding. Michael Kors always says that on Project Runway and I don't even really know what it means. She actually just looks boring.
Jenna Dewan would look a lot better if she was wearing something else.


The Ugly

Rob Schneider is psyched: he gets to go out with a mermaid!
Oh Charlotte Rae: I don't even mind your fantasy cruise outfit, but those open-toed shoes? No. They look like Tevas from space. Are they Velcro?
Okay, Marissa Jaret Winokur: We get it. You were in Hairspray. You love hair, you love life, you are joyous and jubilant. Too happy in fact. It's annoying. Get dark already.

[Images via Bauer-Griffin]

[Malibu, May 11. Image via x17]

• Jessica Simpson has been hospitalized at Cedars Sinai for a minor kidney infection. Did she pick up something in Kuwait? Ow, ow, ow. [TMZ]
  
• Oh, she's already out of the hospital. And "doing fine." [The Sun]
  
• Amy Winehouse is moving — for the third time in four months — because her new flat has "demons." [The Sun]
  
• Despite what you may have heard, Johnny Depp will not be shilling for Magnum condoms. [Portƒolio]
  
• Denise Richards: "I'll never talk about weight around [my daughters]. And they'll never hear me say, 'Mommy's feeling fat today.' That kind of attitude just makes young girls grow up to be dissatisfied with their bodies." She will, however, include them in her new reality show! [People]
  
• Jennifer Aniston has formed a film company called Echo Films with producing partner Kristin Hahn. (Aniston was previously a partner in Brad Pitt's film company, Plan B.) [Variety]

• Meanwhile, Brad Pitt is producing a new film called Lost City Of Z, about a lost city in the Amazon. [Variety]
• Oh, Brad Pitt MIGHT be at the Kodak theater in Hollywood on Sunday for Idol Gives Back, the American Idol charity fundraising event. But will he be married? [E!]
• Director Pedro Almodovar says his inspiration is actress Deborah Kerr. [Telegraph]
• Adam Sandler: Broke his ankle playing basketball. [USA Today]
• Grammy Winning singer Nancy Wilson has been hospitalized with a collapsed lung. Be well! [USA Today]
• Dane Cook: Named unfunniest comic. Ha. [Page Six]
• Bruce Willis' girlfriend Emma Heming previously dated Sean "Diddy" Combs, Brent Bolthouse and John Stamos. Ain't sayin' she's a goldigger, but... [Page Six]
• Julia Louis-Dreyfus says she only ate egg whites on the day of the Emmy awards because she wanted to look thin. "I don't know why people thought that was so funny. I guess some people like to pretend they can eat like shit and look great in their dress." [Page Six]
• Stavros Niarchos: Seen leaving a NYC hotspot with three ladies. [Page Six]
• Ed Westwick, aka Gossip Girl's Chuck Bass, was seen playing with his band in a downtown NYC club and chugging drinks on stage. After his set, Ed stumbled out yelling "I'm so fucked up!" [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "Which small-screen actress has been texting and fawning over and otherwise smothering her '90s TV megastar boyfriend, just after her PR leaked the relationship to the press? At this rate, she might have to cast a new beau for next season." [Gatecrasher]
• Kelly Lynch is sending her Road House co-star Patrick Swayze best wishes. "If anyone can get through this, it's him," she says of his fight with pancreatic cancer. [People]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt is not pregnant, she just wore a baby doll top. Leave her alone. [People]
• Rihanna says she and Chris Brown "are best friends, honestly, like brother and sister." That's cool, even though I never do this with my brother. [People]
• New Kids On The Block! On the Today show! April 4! Oh oh oh oh oh — hangin' tough! [People]
• A woman who has a restraining order against her and can't come within 500 feet of John Cusack was arrested Sunday near the actor's home in Malibu. Yikes! Stalker. [E!]
• Britney Spears is back with her former manager, Larry Rudolph, who had represented her her since she was a teen and was the one who urged her to go to rehab (after which she dropped him). Could be a step in the right direction. [ONTD]
• Meanwhile, Brit's dad is trying to keep here working since it's "therapeutic" for her. [MSNBC]
• Feuds over fashion on the set of the Sex And The City movie? You don't say. [Mirror]
• Sharon Osbourne, live, on TV at the Brit awards: Get on with it, you pisshead ... Shut up you're pissed. Piss off, you bastard. Piss off!" TV regulator Ofcom (kind of like the FCC) says her language was "acceptable." [Mirror]
• Newly-divorced Paul McCartney and his new girlfriend, Nancy Shevell (whom the UK paper calls a "millionairess") were seen "giggling and smooching" on a Caribbean beach yesterday. Love is all you need! [Mirror]
• Ray Romano: Returning to TV in a new one-hour comedic drama? [UPI]
• Daniel Craig has been named "Britain's Best Dressed Man" by the UK edition of GQ. But do we like him better fully clothed or, um, partially? [Reuters]

[Santa Monica, March 30. Image via Flynet]

[Santa Monica, March 11. Image via Flynet]

[New York, August 1. Image via Splash]

Predictably, there aren't many women in Yahoo's '50 Most Important People on the Web'*, so you'd think they'd be pretty, well, important, wouldn't you?

It all starts well, with Marissa Mayer, VP for search products and user experience at Google at number 9. Pretty impressive. At number 14, we welcome Shana Fisher, who is "Senior Vice President for strategy and M&A, IAC/InterActiveCorp". That's so impressive we don't have a fuck what it means. Way to go, girl! Things are a wee bit dry on the woman front until we hit number 28, where we find Meg Whitman, CEO of eBay. Yay! We've even heard of her!

And that's your lot.

Oh wait. Who's that creeping in at number 50, a mere four places behind creator of the known universerse World Wide Web, Sir Tim Berners-Lee?

Why, it's Tila Tequila! No, we've never heard of her either, so we think she must be thrillingly technologically important. And she is. Guess what? She's got a Myspace page, with 1.6 million 'friends'! Hoooooo!

But that's not all!

"She has posed for Stuff magazine, she has a part in an Adam Sandler film currently in production, and her MySpace page currently boasts more than 56 million page views and 1,734,374 comments."

Stuff Magazine! Adam Sandler! This girl is the fucking BIG TIME. Oh yeah.

[Yahoo's 50 most important nerds] Yahoo.com

*And yes, our lord and master is also on the list. But he's only five above Tila, and that's GOTTA hurt.