• The crew on Madonna's world tour is threatening to quit because they had to stay at a cheap airport hotel while she stayed in an £11,000-a-night castle. It cannot be confirmed whether or not Her Madgesty said, "Let them eat cake." [Mirror, WOW Report]
• Here's the latest on David Duchovny: He may have had an addiction to online porn. And he may have released a statement about it because he was already in treatment and a fellow patient was about to sell info to the tabloids. [Fox News]
• Looking back at old interviews, Duchovny revealed his love of porn and '80s porn stars. [People]
• Meanwhile, Tea Leoni has canceled her appearance at the Toronto Film Festival. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan hung out with Sam Ronson instead of going to her grandfather's wake on Long Island. [The Sun]
• Lindsay signed a MySpace message "This song is for SR… ILY." Translation: "This song is for Sam Ronson. I love you." [Pop Dirt]
• Are Queen Latifah and her long time partner Jeanette Jenkins planning on adopting? Are they out now? [ONTD]

• Some dude's been arrested for stealing a digital camera that had pictures of Kate Middleton and Prince William vacationing in Mustique together. The camera belonged to Kate's little sister Pippa and the guy intended to sell the snaps to the tabloids, obvs. [Daily Mail]
• Kevin Spacey: Seen pinching the bare bottom of some dude. [Mr. Paparazzi, via Perez Hilton]
• Says a witness: "Kevin looked like he was having a brilliant time." [The Sun]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck of The View is heading to the Republican National Convention on Thursday. She'll fly in and out on the same day. "I must really want John McCain elected," she says, "because I would not get on a plane like that for anyone else." Oh, the sacrifice! Thank God McCain has you. [NY Daily News]
• The apocalypse is nigh: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are opening a bar. In NEW YORK. To be called The Hill. [W]
• Save Katie! The anti-Scientology group Anonymous will be protesting at opening night of Katie Holmes' Broadway debut in All My Sons. "We aren’t looking to shut it down, we just want to prove a point," says a spokesperson. [MSNBC]
• Josh Hartnett and and unnamed female friend went into a little-used library at a SoHo hotel and started getting "hot and heavy." Since the hotel — and the library — are under security camera surveillance, the staff saw a little show on a monitor. No video link, sorry! [MSNBC]
• Michael Phelps shot a cameo for the new season of Entourage. "It was like being in New York City with one of the Beatles," Kevin "E" Connolly says. "People were stopping in the streets and climbing up things to see him. They were going nuts. He's like a superstar." [Yahoo News]
• Meanwhile, Michael Phelps is totally not talking about the ladies and doing his best to have some privacy: "I never said I have a girlfriend, and I never said I don't have a girlfriend," he says. [People]
• DNA evidence has linked an air conditioning repairman to the 2001 stabbing death of Ashley Ellerin, Ashton Kutcher's former girlfriend. [Yahoo News]
• Johnny Depp was on stage with his old band! One night only! He played guitar and sang backup! It was for charity. [Yahoo News]
• This was probably inevitable but still: Oy: Agyness Deyn is working on a Hollywood career. [Daily Mail]
• Not that you asked, but Britney has been working out "super hard" and is in "great shape." [Page Six]
• Angelina Jolie would like to work on a European film. "No one has asked me yet," she says. "When I can really speak it, maybe I'll try out for a French film in a few years." [Breitbart]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty: Moving in together? They looked at a $22 million mansion in Malibu and Sienna liked it. (At that price point, what's not to like?) [Perez Hilton]
• Maroon 5's Adam Levine: Seen hitting on newly single Anne Hathaway at the Vanity Fair DNC party. Uh-oh, isn't Adam on that herpes chart? [Fox News]
• James Gandolfini, 46, married his fiancée Deborah Lin, 40, in her hometown of Honolulu, Hawaii on Saturday. "They both wore long, green leis around their necks," says a source. "There were lots of white flowers on the tables and Gandolfini was beaming." [People]
• French actress Emmanuelle Beart and director Fabrice Du Welz are defending their latest movie, Vinyan, in which Beart stars as a mother who loses her son to the 2004 tsunami but refuses to believe he is dead. The character and her husband go looking for the kid in the jungle of the Thai-Myanmar border and stumble across a terrifying world ruled by savage children. It's a horror film, but the director says, "I tried to be as respectful as I can. I don't want to be unpleasant to people who have really suffered from the tsunami." [Yahoo News]
• John Mayer got really drunk and partied with a blonde cocktail waitress on the last night of his world tour. On stage, he mentioned reading The Secret and said "I had a conversation recently, and a lot of tears were exchanged." Jen Aniston, sniff, sniff. [People]
• This is just coming out now, but apparently Amy Winehouse overdosed twice last year: Once in July, from smoking hash for 36 hours; next in August from cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, ketamine and crystal meth. Now she might have brain damage or schizophrenia from the drugs. [The Sun]
• Another "Amy Winehouse may have brain damage" story. [Daily Mail]
• Headline of the day: "Could Scarlett Be The Next Spielberg?" Yes, Ms. Johansson wants to direct. [Daily Express]
• Mel Gibson has become "close to" a "glamorous Russian musician" on the set on his new movie but he says she's just a colleague and he remains happily married. [Daily Mail]
• The stage musical version of 9 To 5 features 19 new Dolly Parton songs. "She's so lovely and so humble," producer Robert Greenblatt says. "She says, 'I'm not sure I'll get you the whole way there, but I'd love to give it a try. If something doesn't work exactly, I'll rewrite it.'" [Variety]
• Colin Farrell saved this homeless guy's life by giving him cash and telling him: "You need to get your life together, man, promise me. And make sure you go see my new movie." [Toronto Sun]
• Jude Law is visiting Afghanistan to promote peace. Yeah, I dunno. [AP]
• Sign of the recession? Diddy had to give up his private jet. [The Star]
• Natalie Portman won a humanity award at the Venice Film Festival, where she made her directorial debut with a short film called Eve. [The Star]
• Duran Duran fan? Maybe you wanna read about how cocaine destroyed the band. Written by Andy Taylor! [Daily Mail]
• Sixty-two year old Cher has a 36 year old man and she hired a private jet to fly him and two of his buddies to Memphis to catch a Merle Haggard show, which is kind of awesome. [Page Six]
• Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze: Still on. [Page Six]
• Leanne Rimes, 26, has been married for seven years, and says she is ready for a baby. [People]
• "You are bugging the fuck out… No disrespect. …Alaska? I don't even know if there's any black people in Alaska. If you really think we're gonna let you win the election with these crazy decisions that you're making, you're bugging." —Diddy's thoughts about Sarah Palin in a video directed to John McCain. [Perez Hilton]
• Jerry O'Connell says pregnant wife Rebecca Romjin craves lemonade and soy cream cheese. "Can't be cream cheese. Soy cream cheese. Do you know how difficult it is to find soy cream cheese? It's usually in the corner of the supermarket someplace!" [People]
• "The easiest sex scene I have done was in Mulholland Drive because it was with another woman. There was no awkwardness. There was no sexual tension." — Naomi Watts. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "When it comes to fashion, I know about as much as Betty. I love to play dress-up and it’s fun, but I’m not interested in the fashion world. If I wasn’t an actress, I’d probably want to be a teacher." — America Ferrera. [Mirror]
• "I always knew I was never the prettiest or ugliest girl in the room. Life's too short to inject botulism into you face to get rid of a tiny line because you've laughed too much. I don't feel a need to lose weight, because I'm not 21. I'm happy with my package." — Ashley Jensen, aka Christina on Ugly Betty. [Daily Mail]
• "It's very strange to be here in London without Anthony Minghella, whom I loved very much, and very painful. I was so frightened in the first week of shooting The English Patient, I was trembling, but he was trying to find a way to win my trust, and he just said to me, 'Well, fly...' and I did and it changed my life." — Juliette Binoche. [Independent]
• "Victoria and I are very different. People bracket us together because we live in the same city and we’re both interested in fashion. Victoria’s fashion line has been very successful and, hopefully mine will be too. But that’s where the similarities begin and end." —Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown. Not that you knew she had a fashion line. [Daily Mail]
• "The only thing I can cook really is mince meat, which is ironic because I'm a vegetarian. But I like calzone and lasagne. I cooked every day in Spain so David and the boys lived off minced meat for four years. I cook a Sunday dinner every single Sunday I'll have you know. My kids like Yorkshire pudding so I make that, I can make it from scratch and I make Dora the Explorer cakes for afters because the kids love them." — Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. [Daily Mail]
• "I can't even think about having another baby right now. The boys take up so much of my time." — Victoria Beckham. [Mirror]
• "I don't care for [romantic comedies] where the guy is emasculated, tossed around by the woman, and lacking a point of view. It's a disservice to both the male and the female. I like to give my guys some balls" - Matthew McConaughey to Plenty magazine. [Page Six]
• "I kind of want to see how the audience responds first. I don't want to overstay my welcome." — Shannen Doherty, on whether she will stick with the new 90210. [LA Times]
• "I informed British Airways of my late arrival. I told them I was a kind of minor celebrity and I might get a bit of hassle at the airport. Turns out they are complete arseholes. Even when I fell over and badly creased my hat, I had no assistance. I was crying but I didn't want them to see. A cynic might say I missed the plane, an honest man might say I went to the airport a little late." —Pete Doherty. [Mirror]
• "I think manipulation is something that women do a lot, it's still our number one problem. You look at those characters [in The Duchess] — Georgiana and Bess — and they're hugely trying to outmanoeuvre each other, but I think it's also possible for intense love affairs to happen between women — not necessarily sexual, but things can obviously take a sexual turn. Women do get obsessed with other women — whether they love them or hate them, and I think that line is very easy to cross." — Keira Knightley [Guardian]

• Nelson Mandela personally called Amy Winehouse and asked her to sing at his birthday party on June 27! The former president of South Africa phoned her! Bono, Elton John and Annie Lennox are expected to perform as well. This UK paper says,"Let's hope [Amy] bee-hives herself!" Yuk, yuk. [Mirror]
  
• Meanwhile: Does Blake Incarcerated have a secret mistress? Is he plotting with the "mystery blonde" to run away with her — and a chunk of Amy's £10 million fortune? [The Sun]
  
• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are due in court today for a progress review. A completely uninformed opinion? She's doing better. [People]
  
• Owen Wilson allegedly picked up some chick (not Kate Hudson) and invited her back to is boat and propositioned her to join him in a threesome with Vince Vaughn. There was a time that a Butterscotch Stallion/Money Baby sandwich would have been soooo hot, and that time was 2001. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Britney's back at work on How I Met Your Mother. She looks cute dressed to match Neil Patrick Harris! [TMZ]

• Tom Cruise's new web site is a finely crafted masterpiece of PR spin. [LA Times]
• Prince! Is working on a book! Featuring poetry and photographs and elegantly sealed in a purple slipcase, of course. [Reuters]
• Dina Lohan is being honored as a "Top Mom" by a Long Island-based charity, Mingling Moms Organization. Ali Lohan says: "My mom is great, she has always been there for us. She helps us follow our dreams. I love her to death." And by "to death" she means, "Sometimes I want to strangle her." [Page Six]
• Pete Doherty is out of jail! He served 29 days of a 14-week sentence and now he's back on the streets. You've been warned. [People]
• John Mayer on the pix of him with Jen Aniston in Miami: "Listen, this is not a scandal, this is not an issue, this is not a problem, this needs no spin control. This is me living my life and a guy with a really powerful lens and I don't fault him, I don't fault anybody, I don't fault you, I don't fault this or that. There are much worse problems in the world. Everything's cool!" Hahaha, stoner. [ET]
• But! John Mayer was seen out with Maroon 5 horndog Adam Levine and John "The Player" was "all over some blond girl," according to a source. Maybe he and Jennifer Aniston haven't had "the talk" yet? [Page Six]
• Maxim's Hot 100 list is a sister act: Ashlee Simpson is No. 18, Jessica Simpson is No. 53. But while Ashley Olsen is No. 47, Mary-Kate is not on the list at all... Which might be a compliment. [Page Six]
• Hollywood Hills neighbors of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are pissed that paparazzi cars are parking in their hood. [Page Six]
• Barbara Walters is traveling by private jet to 25 US cities to promote her memoir — and she's taking hair and makeup people from The View with her. But! She's paying for it all herself. [Rush & Molloy]
• Jay-Z at a show at NYC's Madison Square Garden: "This concert isn't endorsed by Obama, but it's time for a change." [Rush & Molloy]
• Jeremy Piven was seen having a "knock-down, all-out screaming match" with a brunette at a party. Ari Gold, is that you? [Rush & Molloy]
• The jury may deliver a verdict in the Uma Thurman stalking case today; we'll keep you posted. [TMZ]
• The bench warrant issued for Foxy Brown yesterday was due to a misunderstanding. Foxy is still free! [TMZ]
• Angela Kinsey, who plays Angela on The Office, gave birth to a baby girl, Isabel Ruby, on Saturday afternoon. [People]
• Mischa Barton is pissed at a photographer who snapped pictures of her sunbathing topless. She says: "He's a ridiculous human being. I've never abhorred anyone more. I was so angry, I went up to him and said how disappointed I was with his behavior. He apologized but he was very insincere." It should be noted that this photographer is the same one Nicole Kidman won a restraining order against after she testified that he tried to run her off the road. [Mirror]
• Peaches Geldof, 19 (daughter of Sir Bob) is implicated in a cocaine ring, ruh-roh. [Mirror]
• Nip/Tuck star Joely Richardson kind of wants an African baby. "I'd love to adopt," she says. "I was almost in tears on a hospital visit because there were two or three babies to each cot, but I told myself that crying wouldn't help." [Mirror]
• Yoko Ono is suing the producers of a movie hat challenges the concept of Darwinian evolution, saying they used the song Imagine without her permission and led the blogosphere to accuse her of "selling out." [USA Today]
• "I don't think of myself as an [feminist] icon, but I think of myself as interested and can get ruffled at gender inequality. I still get touchy when people say that guys are interested in sex and girls are interested in love. It's bullshit." —Liz Phair. [Rolling Stone]

[Wembley Arena, UK, December 2. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

Earlier: John Mayer's Sex Faces: Hot... And Not!

Americans are the most gullible fucking morons on Planet Earth.

Ames is one of our faaaaavorite types of dudes, part of a subset of men who suffer from what we'll call Johnny Depp Complex. We all know men like this. They studied abroad in college, or did some Eurorailing, or spent some time somewhere — Thailand, Prague, Argentina, probably — freelancing or doing work for a film production company or just reading and drinking copious amounts of booze. The JDC man considers himself a Citizen of the World. He might have joined the Peace Corps, except, well, he couldn't make the two-year commitment.

While the JDC man might sleep with an American woman occasionally, he is much more likely to be attracted to foreign women, because he finds their accents and their habits — from the way they dress and make coffee to their educations — mysterious and alluring. He is given to making pronouncements like this: "People in France know how to live! In America they've forgotten all about it...the American culture is a disaster. I am charmed by the French way of life. It is more civilized and sophisticated." If ever the JDC man gets married, it will be at least in part to get an EU passport.

Ames's case is acute. According to Wikipedia, he grew up in San Francisco, where he went to private school. After that, he moved to Eastern Europe, where he lived "in poverty and spitefulness." He lived with a Czech girlfriend in a nursing home for a minute. He was in a punk band. At one point, he got scabies, "possibly contracted through a sexual encounter in Russia."

As much as we are revolted by the JDC men of the world, we're also kind of attracted to them, because a) they're usually hot (see photo) in a dirty, roll-your-own-cigarettes way, and b) because they're interested in sleeping with the hot Czech bartender instead of us, and this means they treat us like any other dude. Also, we agree that Americans are kind of morons although we would never say it because we think Americans sound even more moronic when they say it out loud. Especially when they're the type who write fake gossip items about the guy from Maroon Five.

Did Maroon 5 Frontman Shag Sharapova? [NY Observer]
Mark Ames [Wikipedia]
Earlier: Adam Levine Sounds Like He's Really Great in the Sack

• Amy Winehouse has left The Causeway rehab facility. Apparently, she and her husband Blake Civil-Fielder got into a fight, then headed back to London. Blake "upset people in The Causeway with his behavior," says a source. She needs to dump this douchebag, and pronto. [The Sun]
  
• Between the MTV Awards in Las Vegas and the Emmy Awards in L.A., not a lot of stars are RSVPing for shows during Fashion Week. Hmm, whatever shall we focus on — the clothes??? [Page Six]
  
• Faye Dunaway: Went to Koo Koo Roo, ordered chicken, pulled out a tiny scale and weighed it. Not sure about the Roo but definitely a wee bit Koo Koo! [Page Six]

• Is Jeremy Piven literally Entourage's Ari Gold? Witnesses at Nobu Malibu heard him having a very loud argument... with his Mom. Oy. [Page Six]
• Cameron Diaz and John Mayer: Second date! That we know of! [Page Six]
• Lauren Conrad has a new man named Sean Zastoupil, in case you care. [Page Six]
• "She's far too voluptuously beautiful for the job, like a Tiffany necklace in a brown paper bag" - Variety's assessment of Scarlett Johansson in The Nanny Diaries. Ugh. [Page Six]
• OK, we get it, Oscar winner Cuba Gooding Jr. is a total player — married and making out with chicks all over town — and almost surely the subject of yesterday's so-called blind item. [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "Which TV bigwig's daughter recently commandeered the family beach house for a weekend-long orgy of psychedelic drugs?" [Rush & Molloy, 4th item]
• Kevin Federline got a job! He'll be a guest star on the CW's One Tree Hill. This should look great in court. [TMZ]
• Pete Doherty is free again! The suspicion of drug possession charges were dropped because of a technicality. How long do you think he can go without getting arrested again? [Guardian]

• Pete Doherty: arrested for drug possession. Again. [Guardian]
  
• In addition, Pete is dating ex-girlfriend Irina Lazareanu — the girl Kate Moss chose to model her Top Shop collection. Ouch! [Daily Mail]
  
• Uh, Kate Moss is planning a tribute song for Amy Winehouse? You really can't make this stuff up. [Daily Mail]
  
• Donald Trump thinks appearing on his new show, Celebrity Apprentice, would be a positive thing for Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan to do. Sure, dude. [Page Six]
  
• There is a recording studio at Amy Winehouse's rehab facility. Keep the music coming! [Page Six]
  
• Justin Timberlake "will bleep anything," says a source. Good to know! [Page Six]

• Blind item! "Which Oscar-winning actor has his friends worried? His career's gone downhill since getting the gold statue and his drinking has increased tenfold. Now, he doesn't even try to hide his public drunkenness or his affairs." Guesses, please! [Page Six]
• Lindsay Lohan is looking to revive her recording career. Probably a good idea since she can't get insured for a film. [Rush & Molloy]
• Shar Jackson: Kevin Federline "is a great dad!" Oh cool, is it opposites day? [TMZ]
• Former Laguna Beach star (and ex-boyfriend of Lauren Conrad) Jason Wahler is being sued by a Department of Transportation officer who was towing his car when Wahler verbally and physically assaulted the officer — using racial epithets. [TMZ]
• Method Man will be lecturing to New York City high schoolers on the subject of the evils of marijuana. We sooo want to be there. [TMZ]
• By the way, Joel Madden has asked Nicole Richie to marry him. [TMZ]
• Kevin Federline added Promises rehab to his list of subpoena recipients. Whatever they have to say is sure to be juicy! [People]
• Tom Cruise's new movie has injured 11 people, none of whom were Tom Cruise. [Breitbart]
• Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine on tennis star Maria Sharapova: "She wouldn't make any noise during sex. I can't tell you how disappointed I was." Hey, Adam — could it have been your fault? Maybe you suck in bed? Just saying. [The Sun]

I wanna give you something better
Than anything you've ever had
A stronger and a faster lover
The world, it disappears so fast
Sweet kiwi
Your juices dripping down my chin

Yeah, so the song is called "Kiwi," which we hope means her lady secretions were, ha ha, green. But the real head-scratcher here is: Why does Mr. Whiny "She Wiiiiill Be Loved" want to get the sex over harder and "faster"? See, we've long been under the impression that there were two types of sex: "Slayer Sex" and "Sade Sex." Turns out there's a third way! Which brings us to our poll:

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