• Heidi Klum is not Superwoman, okay? She's not walking in the Victoria's Secret runway show a mere month after giving birth to her fourth child. She's just going to host it. Sheesh. Some people have such unrealistic expectations. [E!]

• Meanwhile, this year's angels have been named: Candice Swanepoel, Chanel Iman, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Emanuela de Paula, and Lindsay Ellingson have all been welcomed into the fold. [SB]
• In other important lingerie news, some people who sell bras in London say that 1950s-style pointy bras are gaining popularity. However, none of the equipment pictured looks that pointy. [Daily Mail]
• Tom Ford says he struggled with depression after leaving Gucci, in 2004. "I started to sink emotionally, spiritually. I became a little bit lost. Leaving Gucci, it intensified because I had been able to cling to my job and to my work and to my identity as a successful fashion designer, and all of a sudden that was gone. It forced me to really think, Well, what am I, who am I, what am I about? It took me a bit of time to figure that out. I think this happens to most people in their life if they're insightful enough to indulge it and to get through to the other side." [W]
• This week's episode of Project Runway was shot partly at the Getty Center, and the challenge for the contestants is to create outfits that somehow reflect the museum and its architecture. There's a free screening at 7 tonight at the museum. [LATimes]
• Lady Gaga is now backtracking from her earlier claims, to Flare magazine, in which she said she would do a clothing line "at some point." The singer told the Accessories Council awards gala that she and her styling team aren't into that: "We will never do a line; we are not an economy." Then Toms founder Blake Mycoskie reminded the audience, gathered to celebrate, in Diane Von Furstenberg's words "friends you can carry with you and they make you feel better," that "Shoes, for 40 percent of the world, are not an accessory. They're a necessity." [Style.com]
• 50 Cent's torso appears in all its smoothly airbrushed glory for his new fragrance campaign, which he revealed to People. [People]
• Stephanie Winston-Wolkoff, who, until this July, worked at Vogue and essentially ran the annual Met Costume Institute Gala, has just been confirmed as the new director of fashion week at Lincoln Center. [FWD]
• There's news about Isaac Mizrahi's QVC collection, which goes on sale December 4, but we know what we all really are curious about is the cheesecake that will be sold. It's made by Junior's, the top looks to be printed with tartan in edible inks, and the crust is chocolate-flavored cookies. It'll be $40. Also for sale will be an Isaac Mizrahi banana nut loaf and chocolate-chip cookies. Yum. [WWD]
• Sociology major and current Prada face Kendra Spears, on embarrassing moments: "Well, during a hurried interview backstage an investigatory journalist asked me what I liked to do when I was at home and I said, 'nothing too commotious.' Afterwards, I realized commotious isn't even a word." And on jobs she held, pre-modeling: "I worked part time as an assistant to the owner of a company called LiftPort which was (and may still be) in the forefront of technologies, mostly carbon nanotubes, to build an elevator into space." [W]
• Because of the weak economy, more parents are trying to get agency representation for modeling and talent work for their children. Also because of the weak economy, there are fewer jobs to go around, and those jobs are still offered are less well-paying. [WSJ]
• Rumor has it that John Galliano is designing and decorating this year's Christmas tree for London's Claridge's hotel. [Style.com]
• Joanna Lumley and Jennifer Saunders of Absolutely Fabulous are in the Marks & Spencer holiday ads. [Mirror]
• Designer Adam Lippes, who staffs his office with around 20 interns at any one time, says of them: "[I]t's rare to find an intern — especially one from a fashion school — that has good style. Because they try sooo hard, and it never works! You know?" Having been once dressed by an Adam Lippes intern who was wearing a kind of 1980s Medusa costume, with a corset, we are tempted to agree, but for chrissakes, Lippes, they work for you for free. (Also: look who's talking.) [The Cut]
• Photographer Jean-Baptiste Mondino is against France's proposed retouching laws, which would require digitally altered images to bear labels stating that they have been, well, digitally altered. He tells Libération Next, "The photos of old Hollywood? Retouched! The iconic image of Che Guevara? Retouched! All the photos taken by Richard Avedon of Marilyn Monroe? Retouched! And all of this before today's software existed, of course. Legs were lengthened using a wide angle; skins were smoothed through overexposure." Because using a wide-angle lens is exactly the same as scissoring one head onto another body and placing the Frankenstein creation into a separately shot background and then liquifying the nose a little and changing the light source and strength and whittling down the waist. [WWD]
• Christian Siriano's holiday collection for Payless has turned up online. Are these even supposed to bear any resemblance to what he shows with his runway collection anymore? [Payless]
• Jodi Arnold, starting with her resort collection, is changing the name of her line from MINT Jodi Arnold, to Jodi Arnold NYC. The designer, who has a new job working on a collaboration with The Limited, also just opened her first store, a pop-up in Greenwich village. [WWD]
• The son of the founder of Escada is one of the bidders — in a consortium with the former head of Gucci and the department store owners Borletti Group — for the bankrupt German house. They are offering $118.2 million. [Reuters]
• Steve Madden is not only not bankrupt, it's feeling pretty acquisitory. C.E.O. Edward Rosenfeld says the company is on the lookout for brands worth $30-$40 million, but could splurge on something worth up to $100 million. [TS]
• Valentino head Stefano Sassi, says everything at the house is just great!!! Nothing to see here!!! Doth the C.E.O. protest too much? [Reuters]
• Liz Claiborne's third quarter losses were even bigger than expected. This is the company's eighth consecutive quarter of losing money. [WSJ]

• Jewelry brand Fred, which is "LVMH Moët Hennessy Louis Vuitton-owned," has acquired another luxury name as its new face: Kate Moss. She'll be snapped by eyebrowed superstar Patrick Demarchelier with French actor Melvil Poupaud. [WWD]

• Doorbusters failed to save the Christmas retail season. Boo! [WSJ]
• "Many retailers opened before 6 a.m., offering 50 percent to 75 percent off" but to no avail! [Yahoo]
• That's a 24% drop from last year. [Bloomberg]
• The reign of Accessories is over, thanks to the Recession. [WWD]
• The New York Times deems 08 fashion a bore. [New York Times]
• However! "To VOGUE.COM, it meant one of the most exciting and unpredictable years in fashion memory." [VogueUK]
• Ugh. More layoffs at Liz Claiborne. [WWD]
• The latest beauty trend is...vegetables. We know we're in a recession, but jeez! [NY Times]
• Beyonce's new video is apparently a total Gareth Pugh homage. Fashion-y, yes, but a little weird. [Fashionista]
• Men's retailer The Officers Club, which sounds vaguely ludicrous, has a new owner. [FT]
• Hermes, meanwhile, launches its first San Diego store. Doesn't it seem like they'd already have one there? [WWD]
• Norma Kamali institutes awesome "try before you buy" feature to her website: you get the stuff before you pay! Are there late fees? [Fashionista]

Full disclosure: I'm a total hat-sporter. And, um, some of my best friends are milliners. Tams, cloches, cocktail hats, even the occasional oversized fedora. But then, I am a well-known ass. And even when I'm wearing an especially good one, I know it's never something one can take for granted - you're always aware that you're wearing a little bit of a costume, and while this has its charms, it's by no means always desirable. One simply cannot pretend a be-plumed tilter provides much warmth; and it's not as if it's a societal necessity. If we stick to the maxim that the further something strays from its intended purpose, the closer it approaches decadence, then hats are the very definition of luxury.

Within this, of course, there are different school of hat-wearers. As Jessica put it, "If I see a church lady wearing a bold hat, I'm like yeah, that's not affected; but when I see a hipster wearing a bowler it pains my soul." No one objects to someone wearing a hat as a holdover from another time or as a cultural mandate; the issue is more when, as in all such things, people take a little bit of this for their own ends, strip it of significance, and look silly. Take Kenley's retro chapeaux on the Project runway : they may have worked for her, but they were anything but effortless. Isabella Blow didn't sport her Philip Treacys to blend in. Says a milliner in the Times, “You almost have to have a relationship with it, but not in a precious way. You have to wear it with a certain carelessness." Well, easier said than done.

The piece raves about "theatrical Alpine hats" and a "rugged Western hat" that "assumes a kind of elegance with an antiqued ribbon wrapped around the crown" and, I'm sorry, but however cool these might be as works of art, most people wearing them are obviously going to look goofy. The thing about these optimistic trends is that it seems like they're founded in a subconscious wish for the strictures of a time when sartorial rules prevailed. As such, they're always going to be essentially inauthentic. Wear them, sure, but know it's out of a deliberate sense of fantasy — and don't expect the trend to take off any time soon. That said, there's something cool about the idea of a new presidency bringing the hat back after JFK killed it — but that, again, is my being nostalgic.

The Way You Wear Your Hat [New York Times]

"This wide-brimmed floppy topper with a 50+ Ultraviolet Protection Factor is the sure-fire way to keep the sun from depositing droop-causing UV damageon your dermis. 100% cotton, with a 6" brim."

It's "physician endorsed", apparently. Which probably added $50 to the price right off.

Yup, there's room for all your drugs and a couple of teen starlets to do them with in that baby.