• Gisele Bundchen garnered an estimated $25 million in the past year, notching up campaigns for everything from Dior to True Religion jeans. Rounding out Forbes' 10 top-earning models list are posers like Heidi Klum, Adriana Lima, Kate Moss and — the sole biracial model represented — Emanuela de Paula. [Forbes]

• A behind-the-scenes shot of Scarlett Johansson and Mario Sorrenti working on the fall Mango ads show the Tom Waits-loving actress is giving her best sexyface. [Style.com]
• Vogue Nippon and Comme des Garçons launched a pop-up store called "Magazine Alive" in Tokyo. The contents will change each month, with every new issue of Vogue NIppon — but right now features t-shirts with manga likenesses of Hedi Slimane and Donatella Versace, as well as dresses from labels like Undercover. Who else but Takashi Murakami decorated the second floor, and Karl Lagerfeld did the window-dressing. Are we brainwashed for saying that, for a pop-up store — the hackiest of all the hacky, hackneyed retail concepts out there — this actually sounds pretty cool? [WWD]
• Barneys creative director Simon Doonan's life is the subject of a new television show, Beautiful People, produced by Absolutely Fabulous' Jon Plowman, on the Logo network. Doonan's impoverished formative years in 1950s England have been shifted in time to the 1990s, a move which he says "distilled the fun-ness of childhood and left the grimness behind." The series opens with Doonan installing a window display at Barneys based on old men who look like lesbians, and even though everyone knows that's a website, we would still totally watch this. Doonan says he is proud that the show tells the story of how a gay teenager was accepted by his family. [NY Times]
• Fashion designer Nicole Farhi was among the victims of two brothers who allegedly strangled and robbed 17 women and one man in wealthy neighborhoods of London. All the people targeted survived. [Telegraph]
• The nominees for Scottish Designer of the Year are a high-fashion pack: superstar designers Christopher Kane, Graeme Black, Jonathan Saunders, and Laura Lees are represented. Annie Lennox, Sharleen Spiteri, Jenni Falconer and Lulu are all in the running for the Scottish Style Icon of 2009 award. Other awards given at the annual event at Stirling castle on June 21 will reward Scottish photographers, makeup artists, models, and one recent fashion school graduate. [Telegraph]
• The jury in the Trovata/Forever 21 copyright case was unable to reach a verdict, and the judge declared a mistrial late yesterday. [WWD]
• U.S. Customs seized a shipment of counterfeit sunglasses from China with a retail value of $1.8 million. [WWD]
• This post manages to work in mention of both the debunked "lipstick" and "hemline" economic indicators, before adding a new one, courtesy of Alan Greenspan. The men's underwear index! Greenspan reasons that since few people see men's underwear, it's the first item men stop buying during a recession, preferring instead to wear out their current pairs. Sales of boxers and briefs should spike, according to this logic, when a recovery is underway, and men suddenly start replacing their threadbare underthings. Problems with this: Alan Greenspan often speaks in the language pure koan. And men, in my experience, always wear their underwear until it falls to shreds. I've known dudes who had four or five stained, holey pairs still in regular rotation among the newer, more hale offerings. It's just another way in which dudes are gross, not an economic indicator. [Economist.com]
• Revlon's share price rose 55 cents, or 10.4%, yesterday, on the back of encouraging earnings results for the first quarter of 2009. But it's not as simple as 'women are buying lipstick': Revlon has replaced its CEO in a management shake-up, and says it profited because it introduced new product lines. [Crain's]
• DSW, after a loss in the fourth quarter of 2008, made a modest profit of $7.1 million in the first quarter of 2009. [WWD]
• Polo Ralph Lauren reported its profits for the quarter ended March 28 declined by 57% on last year's results, because of falling consumer spending and the company's own restructuring and impairment costs. Same-store sales fell by over 15% during the quarter, but the report still exceeded analysts' expectations. [Crain's]
• Shapewear for men is still a thing which people are trying to make happen. (Again? I was reading an early 20th century novel the other day that referred matter-of-factly to a male character's girdle.) [WWD]
• Oh, the old Anna Wintour ambassadorship rumor again. Contract renewal one-upmanship is such a drag. [P6]

Kristen Johnston, whom you may know from Third Rock or Music And Lyrics, will play Patsy. Kathryn Hahn, who was in Crossing Jordan, Revolutionary Road and Anchorman, is Edina. Ready for spoilers? Here goes:

The premise is very close to the UK version of Ab Fab, except the ladies live in Los Angeles. Eddie is described as "an attention-hungry woman who tries too hard to look beautiful." Patsy is described as "an imperious woman who loves to intimidate. She could be forty or sixty-five, it's LA, hard to tell." Eddie is in PR; Patsy is in fashion. In the opening scene, a "gorgeous African-American woman" named Novelette delivers water to Eddie's home; Eddie decides, on the spot, to hire her as an assistant. Unlike the air-headed Bubble in the UK version, Novelette is quick, smart and competent. And black! Patsy has no idea how to deal with this; when Novelette says something like, "Wonderful to meet you, Ms. Stone," Patsy replies, "It's all good, dog." In addition, Eddie tries not to act shocked when she discovers that Novelette can ski. in other words, the character exists mostly to make Edina and Patsy look like fools.

Of course, looking like fools is something Patsy and Edina do without any help: The script has Eddie announcing that she's "doing a cleanse" in order to go shrink her size 6 form to fit into size zero designer samples; Patsy uses the phrase "that's not the way I roll," the ladies smoke where they're not supposed to and make inappropriate, suggestive comments to a cute 16-year-old boy — a friend of Saffron's, naturally. That gimmick is straight out of the UK version, as is most of the plot of the pilot, which involves a charity dinner for which Eddie wants "names." She's only throwing the dinner because she's dropped off of some magazine's list; Saffron speculates it's because "the world has changed and you've been in a pill and Chardonnay fog." The zeitgeist is all about humanitarianism, she scolds. There's an incident in which Eddie, caught smoking, sprays mace in a cop's eyes, and Patsy "accidentally" stabs a chef in the hand — only alarmed that his blood is getting on Eddie's couture skirt. Some of the gags — like the ladies watching the clock and waiting for the minute hand to hit noon before drinking wine — seem extremely played out. (Didn't Cloris Leachman do that in Spanglish? Also, why would Edina and Patsy care what time it is? If there's a drink to be drunk, they'll oblige!)

The interesting angle is where the UK AbFab often flashed back to Edina and Patsy's hazy hippie druggy '60s and '70s past, the American version seems to allude to Patsy and Edina's '80s L.A. rock and roll druggy past. It could be funny to explore these women as former Motley Crue or G'N'R fans.

Unfortunately, in the end, understanding that it was just a draft, the script didn't seem as funny or irreverent as the original. (Kristen Johnston told Entertainment Weekly: "It's one of those scripts that's like my favorite kind because on paper you're like, Oh, this is funny, but when you read it out loud with two actresses, it's, like, the funniest shit ever.") While it's easy to transplant shallow, self-absorbed characters to Los Angeles, will the rapid-fire British humor translate? (A post on Mental Floss reminds us of British shows that didn't make it on this side of the pond, like Coupling and an American version of Fawlty Towers. Did you know that Roseanne Barr originally bought the rights to Ab Fab?) And let's not forget: The UK version of Ab Fab had something the American version will never have: The comedic geniuses of Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley.





Sweetie! Darling! Absolutely Fabulous Goes Stateside [Daily Mail]
Bad Fab? [World Of Wonder]
Kristen Johnston: The Scoop On Her 'Absolutely Fabulous' Return To TV [EW]
Related: TV Shows That Didn't Cut It Across The Pond [Mental Floss]

[Los Angeles, March 9. Image via Splash.]

• Amy Winehouse must be coming to her senses: she's given control of her £15 million fortune to her parents. She can't spend her own money without their approval, so drugs are probably out. [Mirror]

• Michael Phelps says of smoking that bong: "I engaged in behaviour which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment." And! "I'm 23 years old and, despite the successes I've had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again." [Guardian]
• Madonna, Guy Ritchie, and the kids all went to the same service at the Kabbalah Center in New York yesterday. Madge and Guy arrived and left separately, but things are "amicable." [Daily Mail]
• Madonna was spotted with that hot Brazilian model in New York on Sunday, Jesus Luz. Are Madonna and Jesus gettin' Biblical? [Perez]
• Britney's dad has obtained restraining orders against Adnan Ghalib and Sam Lutfi, who are "now working in concert to disrupt the conservatorship," according to the paperwork. Apparently Britney informs Adnan of where she's going, and he arranges for paparazzi to show up and photograph her for his financial benefit. Sam, meanwhile, tells Brit he's "trying" to "free" her from her conservatorship. [Extra]
• Get ready: Kate Moss wants to be an actress. [Elle UK]
• Wings and cupcakes: Jessica Biel threw Justin Timberlake a Super-Bowl themed surprise party in the penthouse of the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood. [People]
• Tommy Lee's helicopter was pulled over by LAPD. No, really. [TMZ]
• Foxy! Pix of Slumdog Millionaire's Freida Pinto as a young aspiring model. [Daily Mail]
• As for Slumdog's Dev Patel, he says: "If you asked me a year ago would I ever have been doing a movie with [director] Danny Boyle, I would have absolutely laughed in your face." [NPR]
• Aw, 9-year-old Rubina Ali, who also starred in Slumdog Millionaire and lives in a "one-room shack" with her family in a Mumbai slum, wants to be a Bollywood star. "I like films. I like poems and I like my school," she says. [Reuters]
• Jennifer Aniston's house: Still a construction site after 2 years of remodeling.
  Star]
• Ciao, Hollywood: David Beckham will leave the LA Galaxy and join AC Milan permanently, after getting approval from wife Victoria. [Mirror]
• Here's Victoria stepping out with Cruz and Romeo, who are wearing matching shirts. [Daily Mail]
• Is it really the end for Prince Harry and Chelsy Davy? A source says they are still speaking and this may just be a "blip." [Daily Express]
• Although Chelsy was out partying and kept talking about how she wants to go "home" to Zimbabwe. [Daily Mail]
• Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi had a joint birthday party where Samantha Ronson DJ'd and celebs like Jennifer Aniston and Drew Barrymore celebrated. Our invitation must have gotten lost. [ People]
• Chris Martin has been banned from recording with Coldplay for two weeks. [Mirror]
• Even though Warner Bros. didn't push for Gran Torino to win an Oscar, the movie is actually cleaning up at the box office, unlike some other nominated flicks.It's "Clint Eastwood's $110 Million Revenge." [Fox News]
• Billy Bob Thornton claims: "I’d like to do another movie with Angie one of these days. We talk all the time. She and I keep looking for something to do together; we just have to find the right thing." Sure, sure. [Daily Express]
• Even though Courtenay Semel beat up Casey Johnson last month and set her hair on fire, they are back in love and "soul partners." [Page Six]
• Kristen Johnston talks about her role on the new Absolutely Fabulous: She will indeed play Patsy, not Edina, as previously reported. And the show will be "different.": "We don’t smoke, we are hungover all the time, we chew Nicorette, we’re trying to be more PC, but I think it really works. It’s one of those scripts that’s like my favorite kind because on paper you’re like, Oh, this is funny, but when you read it out loud with two actresses, it’s, like, the funniest shit ever." [EW]
• Score: Snoop Dogg coached his Snoop Youth Football league team to victory! [UPI]
• Mary Lynn Rajskub and Janeane Garofalo get the giggles when shooting 24 scenes together. "If we make eye contact, forget it," Garofalo says. [USA Today]
• Check out Zoe Kravitz, all dolled up for a photo shoot with Annie Leibovitz. The pix will appear in an upcoming issue of Vanity Fair. [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which heartthrob actor keeps turning up drunk to the set of his TV medical drama?" [Gatecrasher]
• Nick Lachey loves that his girlfriend is a sports fan, blah blah blah. [People]
• Is ABC Family, with shows that contain teenage pregnancy and underage drinking, too edgy to be called a family channel? [UPI]
• The latest ABC family shows are all "female-oriented," including one series called 10 Things I Hate About You, based on the movie. [Reuters]
• Lisa Loeb got married on Saturday! The lucky guy is Roey Hershkovitz, a music supervisor for Late Night with Conan O'Brien. The bride wore pink. [People]
• Kate Middleton's childhood home is up for sale. [Telegraph]
• Because the world could not function without his opinion, Sanjaya Malakar would like for you to know he approves of the 4th judge on American Idol. [UPI]
• John Cleese's ex-girlfriend says when Cleese dumped her via a message on her answering machine for lying about her age, she texted back: "Look, at least it wasn’t a sex tape." [Mirror]
• "To me, it's a party whenever I go to work. The writing is so wonderfully dark, and everybody's lying to everyone else, that it's funny. It was a very relaxed time for me — actually, way more relaxing than comedy. Comedy makes me uptight. Because in comedy, everything is not funny until that one thing that is. " — Ted Danson, best known for doing comedy, now getting attention of his dramatic role on Damages. [Washington Post]
• "Oh God, wasn’t that awful?" — Kristen Johnston, on Bride Wars, in which she had a small part. [EW]
• "I'm not a romantic guy at all. It’s not that I don’t believe in romance. It’s that I don’t believe in dinner for two by the ocean, walking down the beach holding hands – that version of romance. I think I'm probably romantic, but I’m not outwardly romantic. I'm not a player." — Jonathan Rhys Meyers. [People]
• "I loved [Vicky Cristina Barcelona character] Maria Elena, yes. I mean, I hope I'm not too similar to her! And I didn't want to ever think, 'Oh, I'm playing a crazy person.' Because I mean, who's normal? I don't know anybody that is normal." — Penelope Cruz. [CBS News]
• "I asked my agent if I could have my costumes in my contract – but she laughed in my face! I guess that doesn't really happen." — Isla Fisher, on Confessions Of A Shopaholic. [The Sun]
• "It was pretty tough turning 18. I realised that overnight I’d become fair game. I had a party in town and the pavements were just knee-deep with photographers trying to get a shot of me looking drunk, which wasn’t going to happen. I don’t have to drink to have a good time. The sickest part was when one photographer lay down on the floor to get a shot up my skirt. The night it was legal for them to do it, they did it. I woke up the next day and felt completely violated by it all. That’s not something I want in my life. I just kept thinking that if it had happened a day earlier people would have sued their asses off… I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing… I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me. I feel uncomfortable." — Emma Watson. [Daily Mail]

• Uh oh! Super Olympian Michael Phelps has been caught on film smoking a bong. Phelps, 23, was reportedly visiting a University of South Carolina sorority girl and apparently "ended up just getting wasted every night."[Star]

• Phelps was "loud and obnoxious and slamming beers from the get-go. He was definitely the life of the party as every girl wanted a piece of him and every guy wanted to be his best buddy. He was eating it up, says a source, "If he was there to visit his girlfriend, there certainly was no sign of it that night. All the celebrity attention is making him really cocky, and he's going to end up getting burned because of it." What's this? A 23-year-old world famous millionaire athlete doing drugs and acting like an ass? I am shocked, I tell you! Shocked![Star]
• A source also claims that Phelps seemed like he'd had plenty of practice: “You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do. He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits. Michael ended up getting a little paranoid, though, because before too long he looked like he was nervous and ran out of the place.” [News Of The World]
• Carmen Electra is the latest celebrity to come out in support of Jessica Simpson: "She's a gorgeous girl. A lot of women would die to look as good as she looks," Electra says, "There's going to be moments where people don't necessarily like your look or what you're wearing, and that's okay. Next week, she'll rock some outfit that will blow everyone away."[People]
• Meanwhile, Jessica Simpson claims that her faith is helping her get through the negative press she's gotten due to her weight as of late: "Because of my faith, I believe that I can conquer the world and all its opinions and ideas and all of its judgments," Simpson says. [USMagazine]
• Slumdog Millionaire's Oscar chances just got a bit stronger: the film's director, Danny Boyle, won top honors at the Director's Guild of America awards last night. [NYTimes]
• Worried about the American AbFab adaptation? Kristen Johnston, who is set to play Patsy, swears the script is good: "I think they captured the exact amount of sweetie-darling," Johnston says. "I mean, it’s a totally different element, it’s a totally different show. We don’t smoke, we are hungover all the time, we chew Nicorette, we’re trying to be more PC, but I think it really works. It’s one of those scripts that’s like my favorite kind because on paper you’re like, Oh, this is funny, but when you read it out loud with two actresses, it’s, like, the funniest s—- ever." Ugh. I bet they don't even wear Lacroix, either. Lame. [EW]
• Sir Paul McCartney will headline Coachella this year, topping a bill that includes The Killers and The Cure. Says the Beatle: "I have heard that Coachella is one of the greatest festivals in the world. I'm really excited to get out there and rock!" [Reuters]
• Julia Roberts was once passed over by an agent who deemed the superstar "too trailer park" for films. Big mistake. Huge! [PageSix]
• Emma Watson says she's embarrassed about her status as a sex symbol: "I find this whole thing about being 18 and everyone expecting me to be this object... I find the whole concept of being 'sexy' embarrassing and confusing," Watson says, "Personally, I don't actually think it's even that sexy. What's sexy about saying, 'I'm here with my boobs out and a short skirt... have a look at everything I've got'? My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal the more people can wonder."[ShowbizSpy]
• Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer over? A source says Mayer was seen on a date with another woman: "They were obviously on a date. He came in with her another time too and I've seen them out together. He gave her a long kiss before they left. John has been here six times in the last two weeks but never with Jen."[DailyExpress]
• Heads up, Flight of the Conchords fans: the boys are going on tour this Spring! No word yet on if they'll be playing "ahhh Central Park."[Reuters]
• Is Kate Moss considering an acting career? "She's always had dreams of acting. Kate's nervous but feels, with the right backing, she can make the transition from supermodel to Hollywood star," a source says, "[Director] Michael Figgis and Kate have been discussing possible projects and he is helping her work with the right people. Kate will combine her two careers. She won't give up modeling."[ShowbizSpy]
• Lisa Loeb, who once documented her search for love on a reality show, has gotten married: the singer married Roey Hershkovitz, a music supervisor for Late Night With Conan O'Brien, on Saturday. You can't hear it, but she said "I doooo." I guess he's going to stay, even though she only hears what she wants to. And that's my limit for Lisa Loeb song references on a Sunday morning. I guess I'll just go sit on the corner of my bed, and smoke with the ghosts in the back of my head. Ok, I'm really done now. [People]

• Lindsay Lohan is reportedly in talks to play the title role in a modern day adaptation of "Snow White" called The Stepsister Scheme. Megan Fox and Miley Cyrus are also allegedly up for roles. [ShowbizSpy]

• James Franco is a bit tired of answering questions about his on-screen kiss with Milk co-star, Sean Penn. "It's like you can never answer in the right way. If I'm too casual it looks as though I'm making fun of the film. If I don't answer, it looks as though I'm uncomfortable. I can't win," Franco said, before adding, with a smile, "God, I'm being way too serious! OK. You want the simple answer? I had no problem with kissing Sean Penn." [Guardian]
• George Clooney has returned to the set of E.R., and Extra has the photographic proof, showing Clooney in his ol' Dr. Ross scrubs.[Extra]
• 80's teen queen Molly Ringwald is pregnant with twins. In 16 years, she will totally forget their birthdays, setting off a wacky chain of events that culminates with one of her kids being swept away by Jake Ryan outside a church somewhere. [People]
• Is John Cleese's 27-year-old girlfriend really45? [DailyMail]
• Gossip Girl star Kelly Rutherford has been awarded custody of her 2-year-old son, Hermes, and will be allowed to bring him to NY while she films the series. [Chicago Tribune]
• Drew Barrymore is reportedly gearing up for Charlie's Angels 3: ""It's percolating up," says Drew's producing partner, Nancy Juvonen, "It's rising to the surface."[E!]
• Lily Allen doesn't need an alter-ego to perform: ""I am ... Sasha Fierce," Lily said, after hearing abouy Beyonce's album title, "Good for her. I wake up, check my BlackBerry, have a cup of tea and a fag, and then I am ... Lily Allen. I'm not knocking anyone, but I am not performing." [NYPost]
• In Jennifer Aniston's "uncool" comment to blame for the lack of Academy Award nominations for The Changeling (NO) A "source" says Angelina "feels that Jen's interview had a part to play in her losing out. Critics lauded Angelina's performance in Changeling as phenomenal and there's been lots of Oscar buzz, but now she doesn't think she stands a chance. The judges are notoriously moralistic and they'll think nothing of ensuring that a worthy candidate misses out if they've been embroiled in any scandal." Which makes NO sense, people, because both Brad and Angelina were nominated. [ShowbizSpy]
• In bad idea news: Fox has given the green light to an Americanized version of Absolutely Fabulous, while ABC has ordered a pilot based on The Witches of Eastwick.[EW]
• Robert Pattinson, sparkly vampire extraordinaire, says he likes talented girls. ""If she’s really talented, I don’t really care about the other things," Pattinson says.[ShowbizSpy]
• However! He also believes in love at first sight: "It's absolutely possible that you can meet someone on the street and suddenly fall in love with that person." [ShowbizSpy]
• Will Biggie's murder ever be solved? His mother, Voletta Wallace, still hopes so: ""I am still waiting for that day to come," she says, "But I'm confident, based on evidence that has been brought forth, that in my life time I will see justice done in this case, and that's all I have to say."[People]
• In news that I should have typed in 1998: former LFO singer Rich Cronin says he was stunned when Jennifer Love Hewitt broke up with him. "She has a big heart, but she is more than I can handle," Cronin says, "She would say, 'I love you so much we are never going to break up.' When she dumped me, I was like, 'What?'" He then added: "New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits, Chinese food makes me sick. But I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer, for the summer."[USMagazine]

With its rude, slutty and unapologetic programming, Oxygen is clearly Samantha. Strippers fellating beer bottles, plastic surgery advocating Janice Dickinson and her modeling agency, and re-runs of Absolutely Fabulous just scream Samantha with their combination of glitter, foul mouths and trash. (Remember when Carrie caught Samantha blowing the UPS guy? Total Oxygen material.)

Wedding-obsessed WE: Women's Entertainment is Charlotte. WE has four shows devoted to the wedding-industrial complex: Bridezillas, Platinum Weddings, My Big, Fat Fabulous Wedding, and Rich Bride, Poor Bride. [Jesus. -Ed.] WE also reflects Charlotte's overwhelming sense of entitlement (of course she deserved a multimillion dollar Park Avenue apartment as compensation for a failed marriage!). Of WE's newest offering, Party Mama$, Patterson opines, the level of entitlement has "previously [been] seen only on MTV's My Super Sweet 16".

Finally, Lifetime, the old guard of women's television channels, is Carrie. Lifetime has a serious side, like Carrie, with its made-for-TV movies about "terminal diseases and/or children in peril." But, as Patterson says, Lifetime is "quaint and mildly daffy," with its Will & Grace reruns and embrace of psychics. Just like Carrie, who enjoys a "mildly daffy" pun, loves hanging out with her main gay Stanford, and is always wearing those mystical head wraps!

But whither Miranda? Where's the kind of judgmental, career woman-oriented programming? I guess Star Jones does have that show on Court TV, and Miranda does say the phrase "I'm a lawyer," at least once per episode, but it's not really a perfect match. Television executives take note! A major hole in lady viewing must be filled post-haste!

Who's the Fairest of Them All?: A comparison of all of the women's television network [Slate]

Earlier: Bad Girls Club: Stripper Mom and Porn Star Have Threesome With Dude