Since the invention of rap, celebrities have operated under the mistaken assumption that anyone who can speak over a beat can rap. Here, we've compiled 15 of the most mortifying rhymes from stars including Tom Hanks, Miley Cyrus, and Oprah.

• Ellen DeGeneres is starting her own record label!

• Last night Samantha Ronson got pissed when the paparazzi followed her to a tattoo parlor in L.A. with her stepbrother Alexander Jones. "Why are you here?" Sam asked. "She told you to come here? She told you to come here?"

• Robert Pattinson took Kristen Stewart to a "secret" dinner with his parents. So secret that this Britloid knows about it!

• Last week Lindsay Lohan ran when her ex Courtenay Semel confronted her about rehab. At a party this weekend her friends tried again, but Lindsay, "kept moving from room to room... She was clearly hyped-up on more than just booze."

• Today a judge ruled that Jon Gosselin must pay back $180,000 of the money he removed from his shared bank account with Kate Gosselin in violation of an arbitrator's order. As for the rest of the money...

• The office of the doctor who prescribed Anna Nicole Smith methadone 13 days before she gave birth was raided today and police are looking for a connection between the doctor and lawyer Howard K. Stern.

• Jennifer Lopez finally gave birth to her twins: She and Marc Anthony are the proud parents of a boy and a girl. The names have not yet been announced, but we're hoping they don't pick Jenny Jr. and Marc Jr. How about something like Luz and Libertad? [People]
  
• The 5-pound, 7-ounce girl arrived first, followed by her…