Let's get AnnaLynne McCord out of the way because, believe me, it'll take you a while to get over her Moulin Rouge Nancy Spungen.


Lori Loughlin goes to more of these things than anyone save Kat Kramer. She always looks kind of adorable, but this is one of those asymmetrical situations that just looks like she lost a sleeve on the way.


These are her daughters, Olivia and Isabella, who are very sweet and will shortly learn that it's okay to get your Chucks dirty.


Sawwy! You have to look at AnnaLynne McCord's getup again - because this, in case you couldn't guess, is sister Angel McCord.


I get that guys want to have fun too, and Michael Steger was like, "what would happen if I tucked my tie in like a cravat? And wore suspenders? That could be cool..." But with great risks come the possibility of great failure, Mike. We walk a knife-blade every single day.


Ok, Jessica Lowndes, I get that we're moving from 80s into early 90s...but stretch lace looks complete crap 90% of the time, and I'm not backing down even if I did just buy a kind of Faith Popcorn-y pair of vintage plaid high-waist circa-89 trousers yesterday.


Matt Latner. At least his French teacher made him take his cap off.

[Images via Getty]

Dear Archie,

You have come to a major fork in your road of life. I'm sure you think that no one understands you, because you're mad, bad, and dangerous to know, but being mad, bad, and dangerous to know myself, I know exactly where you're at right now, bro, and I thought I'd drop some advice to help you make a decent decision.

You see, Arch, I once found myself in a similar position, forced to live a lie as I found myself trapped between the sweet love of a hot blonde and the bitchy love of a hot brunette. They were both disasters, man, but beautiful disasters who slept with me and made me run my fingers through my perfectly coiffed hair a lot, and that kind of love...I think it means something. Or maybe it doesn't, man. All I know is that if you need to make a decision about these two chicks, you should probably do it the way I did, by sitting at the Peach Pit and listening to a song called "Did You Ever Have To Make Up Your Mind?" over and over again on the jukebox because let me tell you, that song is real and represents something that can't even be touched by the minds of those who don't understand what it's like to fall in love with a blonde while your brunette girlfriend is off unwittingly eating brains in Paris with the producer's daughter.

I gotta tell ya, Arch, life is a rough road that must be traveled alone, unless you happen upon a hot chick like Bren or Kel who understands how deep you are and will let you have sex with them at the prom, or in the pool, or in your house where you basically live alone because your parents just aren't there for you, man. Guys like you and me have decisions to make, hearts to break, and love to take. It is what it is, bro.

Anyway, your decision is probably dragging you down right now. Let me hit you with some insight: I chose the blonde, Arch, but it didn't work out. Later the brunette came back into my life, but that wasn't forever, either. I then had a kid with the blonde, but she's still not mine, man. I still talk to the brunette, but she's not mine either. Turns out they're both still friends, and I'm not sleeping with either of them, at least not regularly, though they both always seem to come back, no matter how messed up I get.

So what I'm saying to you, Arch, is that whatever decision you make, it's probably going to turn to shit. But don't worry about it. Always remember that the bridges you burn will light the way to Heaven, and no matter what, I'll applaud you from afar.

If you ever need me, you know the drill.
-Dylan McKay

Oh, and PS: Whatever you do, don't break it to the rejected girl like this, man. It's bad form:

Archie Finally Taking The Plunge [CBSNews]

• Chris Brown has reportedly moved on. His new ladyfriend is actually an ex. She attends University of Mary Washington and they met in Virginia, which is where he's from. His reps deny everything. [Gatecrasher]

• Are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie trying to adopt another kid, this time from the Philippines? [Daily Mail]
• Is Pamela Anderson getting ready to wed —- for the fourth time? The dude would be her current boyfriend, Jamie Padgett. [The Sun]
• "Someone in the Kardashian family will soon have plastic surgery," says Kim Kardashian. "I can't tell you who, but someone in my family will look totally different and viewers will see it all on the show very soon." Uh, is it Bruce Jenner? [People]
• Suri Cruise is starting her "five day a week Scientology training," which really just means she'll be attending that school started by Will Smith that uses "study technology." But the school does require a "low-carb, low-sodium and low-sugar organic diet." Suri is about to turn 3. [Daily Mail]
• Although Lindsay Lohan is "heartbroken," Lindsay and Sam are still talking,says a friend. Also: Lindsay "barely sleeps, which explains a lot of her behavior. She's exhausted. She can't even sit down for a minute without pacing around the room. It's really sad." [People]
• Lindsay was seen carrying something called Neuro Bliss, which is supposed to "relax neural tissues, to enhance brain activity, focus and provide a sense of well-being." [TMZ]
• This report is titled, "Lindsay Parties The Pain Away." [OK!]
• Madonna is still trying to adopt Mercy James, the child in Malawi. Her lawyer has filed an appeal, and she says "I want to provide Mercy with a home, a loving family environment and the best education and healthcare possible." [Reuters]
• Mercy James is "in hiding" so that her biological father doesn't come and take her; apparently he has only materialized since Madonna showed interest in the child. [Daily Mail]
• News you cannot use: Madonna's son David is a fan of Australian football. [News.com.au]
• Is it mean that Joel Madden posted a picture of a young Nicole Richie on his Twitter and wrote, "This is why I love her folks. Is it not Ron Perlman circa Beauty and the Beast??" [People]
• Hermione's coming to the states: Emma Watson will be attending Brown University. [Daily Express]
• Even though Paris Hilton is with Doug Reinhardt now, she totally talks to her ex, Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos, at least three times a week. They probably just discuss the economy and ? [Daily Mail]
• Brace yourself for a Nadya Suleman reality show, which is super close to happening. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Some lady from a rehab center says she had a "secret fling" with Blake Fielder-Civil and is knocked up with his kid. Is it true? Will Amy Winehouse flip her wig? [Daily Mail]
• Amy Winehouse has been working with the Gorillaz instead of working on her own album. [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse and Duffy are no match for Dusty Springfield, says a friend of Dusty Springfield's. [Telegraph]
• Did Whitney Port leave her job at Diane von Furstenberg, after being beaten out for a promotion by Olivia Palermo? [Page Six]
• Josh Hartnett was seen partying in Miami, so he's clearly recovered from that gastrointestinal problem which sent him to the hospital earlier this month. [UPI]
• Did Jimmy Fallon steal an album cover from the wall of a New York City restaurant and show it off on the Tonight Show? He's claiming it was a prop, but the restaurant has posted a sign, saying: ""Wanted! Jimmy Fallon. A free meal and drink to anyone who can retrieve our record cover back to us safely." [UPI]
• Tim Roth says he was a victim of child abuse. "It happened during my childhood up to my early teens and although I'm not going to say who it was, he's long gone now — and I hasten to add it wasn't my father or mother. Things happen to you in your life, but you don't want to consider yourself to be a victim — you want to be a survivor and the first thing that helps you do that and helps you get through it is speaking and finding your voice." [Daily Mail]
• WTF: New York Post film critic Lou Lumenick wrote: "You know a movie's got problems when the most memorable thing about it is Sienna Miller's moustache. That growth above her lip is clearly visible in two scenes, once in profile." How is that relevant to the movie (The Mysteries Of Pittsburgh) or her acting? [The Sun]
• Sienna Miller has dropped from number 45 to 202 on FHM's Sexiest Women list. [The Sun]
• Trouble in Kate Beckinsale's marriage? [Daily Mail]
• Jared Leto invited children rescued from a life of prostitution to sit in on a recording session with his band, 30 Seconds To Mars. [Monica Seles is opening up about her addiction to food in a new book, Getting A Grip. [Daily Mail]
• Long-haired heartthrob Fabio wrecked a Ferrari on Mulholland Drive over the weekend. Did you know dude is 50? [UPI]
• The Hannah Montana movie took the top spot at the weekend box office with a fairly respectable $17.2 million. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Why the fact that Sylvester Stallone has Russian heritage is breaking news is a mystery. [Daily Mail]
• Sting and his wife have invited a group of friends on an all-expenses-paid luxury trip to Tuscany to discuss "social consciousness." [Daily Mail]
• Here's a profile of Carla Gugino in which she says: "I was so serious when I was young. My mom would come home and say, 'Carla, stop studying." Or, "The dishes are clean enough.' I felt that to be successful I couldn't drink, I couldn't smoke. But acting taught me to have a life that could feed my work.… I had a happy childhood, but I think it also pushed me to try to create my own sense of stability and made me very intense for my age." [NY Times]
• Singer Cassie shaved part of her head, and it looks cute. [NY Daily News]
• Two of Leona Lewis's cousins have been arrested for allegedly beating up and trying to rob some drug dealers. [The Sun]
• Ooh, a retrospective of Ray Liotta's career. He was so hot in Something Wild. [CNN]
• Bjorn Ulvaeus of ABBA says there should not be a sequel to Mamma Mia: "It wouldn't work." [UPI]
• In this piece, Sir Roger Moore talks about all of his ailments — kidney stones, shingles, low heart rate, etc — as well as his hypochondria. [Daily Mail]
• William Hurt will join the cast of the Robin Hood flick which stars Russell Crowe in the lead and Cate Blanchett as Maid Marian. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Shenae Grimes of 90210 was asked who she'd like to come to the set: "Luke Perry, obviously. I mean, come on! We've all been dying for it. I still am but I may have to give up the dream." [Mirror]
• This sentence means nothing to me, but perhaps others will care: The Veronicas are dating brothers from rock bad Carney. [News.com.au]
• Blind item! "Which troubled starlet is getting over a bad breakup with a member of the same sex? We just hope the latter's current boyfriend doesn't get wind of the girl-on-girl shenanigans!" [Gatecrasher]
• "Trying to do an aggressive sex scene is quite difficult. Especially in a public place with a crowd of screaming extras with their little camera phones going click-click, talking pictures of your pasty white ass. I've had my fair share of bedroom antics in films, but they were a little more private." — Jason Statham. [Page Six]
• "I have made several mistakes and one of them was being overprotective of the girls, which has led to an impression that the school is isolating them from society. The majority of girls are thriving, really fulfilling the dream and vision I had. They really have exceeded any expectations I had for them. In spite of everything that's happened, what keeps me inspired and hopeful is the heart of every girl, because they are wonderful, they are magnificent." — Oprah, who has been defending the record of her school in South Africa. [USA Today]
• "He was in an Easter suit, with the Easter basket and the eggs and everything. Once you've seen Billy in a bunny suit, it's pretty hard to think of Easter in any other way." — Christie Brinkley on ex-husband Billy Joel. [Daily Express]
• "I wish I'd never worn an American flag motif swimsuit to the MTV Awards when I was in the Spice Girls. This was me hating myself and hiding under mountains of make-up." — Geri Halliwell. [Independent]
• "I don't think you ever retire from films - films retire you. Sometimes, if you're unfortunate, after your first film. What happens is you say 'I'm going to retire'. And then someone turns up and gives you this script. So you're not retiring. I don't have my next movie and I'm not looking for one. But someone will give me a script possibly and I'll work again. If someone doesn't give me a script that I want to do, I'll retire. But there won't be a great announcement or fanfare of trumpets. I just won't do anything. I'll stay at home and do what I always do, which is cooking, gardening and writing." — Michael Caine. [Daily Express]
• "I don't care. If I don't get food in my mouth, I'm still happy. If my pants are round my ankles, as long as I don't get arrested for indecent exposure, I'm happy. I'm worried about keeping my hair, not how it's combed. […] I don't know that [my kids have] ever seen Back To The Future all the way through. Just as Parkinson's isn't a big topic of conversation in my house, neither is my career. I go down to my office every day and they say, 'Dad's going to work.'" — Michael J. Fox. [Guardian]
• "Only 1,350 rockers were made, and we sold approximately 70 percent in the first two weeks. The collector's edition photo album has sold more the first week than any book we've sold at Cracker Barrel." — Cracker Barrel's VP of marketing on Dolly Parton's merch, which is flying out of stores. [Reuters]
• "I wish we could have shared a bed/but her life was not her own/That's what happens when you date a girl/from Driftwood Nursing Home." — from Bob Saget's comedy act. [NY Times]
• "What I love about Donna is she's never jaded. Donna can kind of go through anything and she still has that girlish quality about her. I think that's something she'd have at any age. That's Donna to me." — Tori Spelling on her return to 90210. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "It's not like we're not talking, we just haven't talked. I love my mother. I've always loved her [and] no doubt she loves me. There's no feud. We simply never meshed." — Tori Spelling. [People]
• "Chris [Martin] is a huge [Sherlock] Holmes nut. He said to me before filming, 'You've got to be gaunt. You've got to be as skinny as you possibly can to play Holmes.' So every time I'm reaching for a muffin I think about Chris and skip the snack. That's been tough." — Robert Downey Jr. [The Sun]
• "I know what you're saying, but it's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors. Actors will say, 'My character this, and my character that.' Like beating a dead horse. Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me." — Bob Dylan, in a rare interview. [Telegraph]
• "I knew I wanted to marry her pretty soon [after I met her]. It took a while for me to admit it, because it would be crazy to be like, 'I want to marry you' the first day I met her. But I could have!" — Chris Pratt on fiancée Anna Faris. [People]
• "I found I was really sleepy. I almost fell asleep during a Chris Rock show - live, front and center. I thought, 'I need to have a steak.' You have to do what works for you. Some people need meat." — Rachel McAdams, on why she's not a vegetarian anymore. [NY Daily News]
• "There was a television series that never got made by that woman who wrote that big role for Helen Mirren, Lynda La Plante. They wanted me to play – this is how they think of me – a woman who had been beaten up and degraded. I refused. I'm sure the British would not like to see me in a role like that. No way. [As for the film version of my life,] I hated the script. I thought it would be based on the book and not just made up. I had a long talk with my friend, the actress Carrie Fisher, about it and she said: 'You might think you were degraded enough but believe me, for Hollywood not nearly enough. There has to be prostitution, there has to be murder.' So I took it back." — Marianne Faithfull. [Daily Express]

• Madonna and Jesus have broken up, if you believe that she Twitters, which this paper does. Meanwhile, she's allegedly on her way to Malawi to adopt another kid. [Daily Mail]

• According to the papers, her Madgesty is 2 days away from adopting a second child from Malawi. That seems… speedy. [The Sun, Mirror]
• Lindsay Lohan's latest flick, Labor Pains, will never hit theaters: It's going to premiere on ABC Family, then go to DVD. This is the flick in which LL plays a woman who fakes being pregnant to keep from being fired. Hilarious? [Access Hollywood]
• Rihanna was seen "smiling and flirting" with a group of guys — including Brody Jenner — at Nobu in New York on Wednesday. She also has a blond, female security guard, which is kind of awesome. [Page Six]
• Last night, Rihanna was seen dancing at a Hollywood night club. [TMZ]
• Amy Winehouse's latest Facebook status reads "If you love him, let him go." [The Sun]
• Warning: Celebrities have Twitter ghostwriters. Where do we apply? [NY Times]
• Wow, Shawn Johnson is making quite a bit of cash to appear on Dancing WIth The Stars — if she goes all the way she could take home over $350,000. [E!]
• Speaking of DWTS, Holly Madison has been experiencing pain in her rib area. Bad enough that she's on meds. This show is dangerous! [E!]
• Kate Middleton, Prince William's girlfriend, has a pal named Emma Sayle. Apparently Emma runs sex parties called Killing Kittens, for single women and couples. Racy! [The Sun]
• Courtney Love versus a designer on Etsy: Guess who called someone a "vile horrible lying bitch"? Hint: The rock star. [E!]
• The designer also claims Courtney Love called her an "asswipe nasty lying hosebag thief." [TMZ]
• Jennifer Hudson has set a date for her wedding, but it's a secret. [Mirror]
• Queen Latifah has been cast in a romcom described as modern day Cinderella story; she'll play a physical therapist who falls in love with a basketball player while helping him recover from a career-threatening injury. [Variety]
• What the world needs now: A Ben Hur mini-series. [Variety]
• Rapper T.I. will be sentenced today for weapons possession; he will probably get a year. He's already done 1,000 hours of community service. [CNN]
• Donna Martin, aka Tori Spelling, returns to 90210 on Tuesday. Plus: Diablo Cody drops by. Stuntcasting means someone really really wants you to watch. [E!]
• Seriously, what is Courteney Cox's Cougar Town show really about? Every shot we ever see is CC in a robe. [Socialite Life]
• Something stinks: NBC is yanking cooking competition show Chopping Block off the air and replacing it with repeats of Law & Order: Criminal Intent. [Yahoo via Reuters]
• Survivor winner Richard Hatch wants to get out of jail. [Yahoo via AP]
• So you know that shaggy coat Pixie Geldof wore? She had a matching dress underneath. [Daily Mail]
• A witness claims to have seen two dudes get off of rapper Flo Rida's tour bus, kill a rabbit, and then get back on. Now Flo Rida is being questioned by police. [Socialite Life]
• Former Eight is Enough and Charles in Charge star Willie Aames is broke and having a big garage sale in suburban Kansas City; he filed for bankruptcy last year and his home is in foreclosure. I want Charles in charge of me? [Yahoo via AP]
• Eddie Cibrian, recently accused of cheating on his wife with LeAnn Rimes, was photographed holding hands with his wife at Miami airport yesterday. Damage control? [TMZ]
• Got $150 million? You can buy the late Aaron Spelling's mansion: 56,500 square feet of space on more than 4.6 acres. There's a bowling alley, wine cellar, wine tasting room, gift-wrapping room, a humidity-controlled silver storage room, China room, library, gym, and, of course, screening room. [Yahoo via AP]
• Green Day is back, with an eight studio album out May 15th. [EW]
• Blind item! Which A-list hunk got elbowed in the face by a girl after demanding she get him a bag of blow? The damsel clocked him after he called her a few (unprintable) names. [Gatecrasher]
• I like any job where you can just shut yourself away from everybody." — Robert Pattinson. [Mirror]
• We schedule it out. We force ourselves to do it. There's always an excuse for a couple not to take time for themselves, but it's really short sighted. The first thing you'd better do is make a date as soon as that baby comes. You'd better make a date and take your wife out within a month - whether you want to, or not - and you can't talk about the kid. And you'd better have a romantic weekend within two months because it tears couples apart, these babies do. Felicity and I have been really good about finding time. We'll go away for two days - for one day, even - and we try to do it four, five, six times a year." — William H. Macy, on keeping a marriage alive when you have kids. [Mirror]
• She has the partying part down right. But I don't think she's got the focus. I mean, it requires a lot of focus and a lot of people think they can do it, but they really find that it's a lot harder. Ask anyone - it's a lot harder than it looks. I guess that's why they call us supermodels - we make it look easy. But it's not as easy as it looks, so I wish her all the best." — Tyson Beckford on Lindsay Lohan. [Perez]
• "Because I got high, I forgot to pay. It was stupid. I'm an idiot for that." — Method Man, on owing back taxes. [Gatecrasher]
• "I think the last thing I should be doing right now is planning a wedding. I'd become one of those cracked-out housewives with a vacuum cleaner, hopped up on Dexedrine." — Kelly Osbourne, who just left rehab for her painkiller addiction. [Mirror]

• John Mayer did not, repeat did not buy an engagement ring for Jennifer Aniston. [Us Magazine]

• In fact: John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston may have broken up. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Brad Pitt: Considering public office? [Variety]
• Chris Brown pulled out of the Kids' Choice Awards of his own accord; Nickelodeon didn't make the decision. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Chris Brown is firing his manager and looking for a "whole new team." An insider claims he wanted to apologize for the beating earlier and was advised not to… [Page Six]
• Rihanna went out clubbing in West Hollywood Tuesday night. [Concrete Loop]
• "Julia was all smiles for fans and stopped to do a few autographs, but as soon as she stepped inside the cinema her mood changed. She shouted at photographers to leave her alone then asked staff to bring her a glass of champagne before she would answer any questions." — From a spywitness report on Julia Roberts' behavior at the Duplicty premiere in London. [The Sun]
• Here, Julia Roberts dishes on 10 of her favorite leading men. [EW]
• A French "society" magazine is reporting that Prince William will marry Kate Middleton this summer. ZOMG royal wedding askjdkfflasjdk!!! [Daily Mail]
• A hospital official inspected Nadya Suleman's new house yesterday, to insure that it is safe for the octuplets. The babies will be released, two at a time, any day now. [E!]
• Noted marijuana enthusiast Michael Phelps has been interviewed by Matt Lauer; look for footage on the Today show on Friday and Sunday on Dateline. [ET]
• Jesus Luz is back in Rio. He claims he has "always" been interested in kabbalah, before ever meeting Madonna. He's going to be in Brazil for a month while waiting for his work visa, then back to New York! [Made In Brazil]
• Madonna and Guy Ritchie have come to a custody agreement regarding the kids: Rocco and David will live with Madge but guy will get regular visits and see the children in the UK during the holidays. [The Sun]
• If you miss Project Runway, Heidi Klum thinks you should do something about it: "I think that people should be demonstrating outside of [company co-chairman] Harvey Weinstein's house. If it were up to me, it would be on by now." [MSNBC]
• Prince has decided that Prince will appear on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno four times, coinciding with the release of Prince's albums, LotUSFLOW3R and MPLSoUND. Oh, and also coinciding with the last time Leno hosts. [ET]
• Ricky Gervais to appear on the finale episode of The Office? [Mirror]
• Early buzz on Sacha Baron Cohen's new flick, Bruno: "Shocking, jaw-dropping and TOTALLY FUCKING HILARIOUS." [Mother Jones]
• Joaquin Phoenix was rapping at a Miami Beach nightclub when someone in the audience started heckling him, so naturally he jumped into the crowd and had some sort of confrontation before being dragged away by security guards. Did Casey Affleck get the whole thing on video? Yes, yes he did. [Yahoo News via AP, Daily Mail]
• Mickey Rourke will be the Russian villain in Iron Man 2. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Jennifer Saunders and Dawn French spoofed Mamma Mia for Comic Relief and Sienna Miller played the Amanda Seyfried role. Click for the photo, which in itself is funny. [Daily Mail]
• Geri Halliwell dumped her fiancé, but he'd done an interview with an Italian magazine the same day — in which he talked about how much she's "changed his life." Awkward! [The Sun]
• The guy who owns the Beverly Hills mansion where MTV shot the Live From The Hills Season finale says the production company trashed his house. The damage? $158,250.07. Please don't forget the seven cents. [TMZ]
• Balthazar Getty, who recently left Brothers & Sisters, will guest star on an episode of Medium. At least he's working? [EW]
• Kiefer Sutherland used to babysit Gwyneth Paltrow. True story. [The Star]
• 50 Cent and Rick Ross are in a feud and Fiddy's latest move is to release a porn tape featuring Ross's former girlfriend. Classy! [TMZ]
• Lance Bass is a matchmaker. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Jada Pinkett Smith's school is now open, and accepting kids pre-K through sixth grade. Does it have ties with Scientology, you ask? Well, the "study technology" is that developed by L. Ron Hubbard. Pinkett Smith says the school stresses "100 per cent mastery," encouraging students to retake exams until they score 100 per cent. Fun? [Yahoo News via AP]
• Shannen Doherty will return to 90210 for the season finale, if you care. [E!]
• Ashley Jensen is definitely leaving Ugly Betty, because she just got cast as a regular on a new CBS show, Accidentally On Purpose. That's the one where Jenna Elfman plays a movie critic who finds herself "accidentally" knocked up after a fling with a younger man. [EW]
• Beck is playing a charity show tonight, with proceeds going to Educating Children International. Turns out that's a Scientology organization. If you feel icky inside, you're not the only one. [LA Times]
• Jack White of the White Stripes and the Raconteurs has a third band, the Dead Weather. The new group includes Alison Mosshart of The Kills, Dean Fertita of Queens of the Stone Age and Jack Lawrence of The Greenhornes. Album drops in June. [USA Today]
• Handsome devil Chris Cornell has a new album, produced by — wait for it — Timbaland. [Yahoo news via AP]
• Dr. Phil's wife promised some skin care company she'd get them on her husband's show. The company was so psyched, they spent $650,000 on stuff the public would surely be clamoring for. Except the products never made it to the show. So the company is suing. [TMZ]
• Kathy Griffin was booed off the stage at the Apollo Theater in Harlem. [Village Voice]
• Al Reynolds is not getting a reality show, even though he wants one. [Extra]
• If you remember the '90s, then you may remember blond bro rockers Nelson. Well Matthew is getting divorced and asking his wife for spousal support. Yeah. [TMZ]
• Blind item: "Which newly engaged lesbian would be horrified to discover her main squeeze has been sleeping around ... with men?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I've come into my own head a little bit really, being a bit more honest and open, rather than hiding in a crack pipe or wherever and just not turning up most of the time." — Pete Doherty. [The Sun]
• "Artemis has a few really great lines because she plays everything – even the humor – very straight. The one that made me laugh out loud when I read it was when she tells Hippolyta that they shouldn't have let Diana go out into the outside world. Hippolyta asks, 'What could we have done to have stopped her?' And Artemis says, 'Well I could have shot her in the leg with an arrow. Not in an artery, of course.' It's just so deadpan – she wouldn't kill her, but she would've shot her. It's so dry, and it's so honest. And I love that." — Rosario Dawson, on her role in Wonder Woman. [Toon Zone News]
• "It's amazing to me that the tabloids such as the National Enquirer print such negative stories about me and my health when there are so many positive things going on in my life right now. I've started a new chemotherapy and, once again, I am one of the lucky ones with pancreatic cancer that is responding well to the treatment." — Patrick Swayze, who denies he has reached "the end." [People]
• "I'm not quite sure why, but the strongest female characters I've found have predominantly been in period films, more than in modern-day films. At least with the stuff that's been sent to me. I love watching period movies because I think that watching films is about escapism and about fantasy and I find it easier to dive into a fantasy that I don't know anything about, you know, that I don't live day to day. I love that feeling of escapism that period films give me, and that books about different times give me, or paintings give me. But I wasn't setting out to go, 'OK, I'm only going to do period films.' I work in a very instinctual way and I respond to certain things and I have no idea why, but for some reason the last couple of films have all been period." — Keira Knightley, whose new film, Edge Of Love, is set in the 1940s and depicts the poet Dylan Thomas. [Salon]
• "You know, the company that financed this film, they came to me about two weeks before we started filming and said watch out for Malkovich, he's a badass, he will fuck you - I don't know if I'm allowed to curse - he will really, you know, ride a director into the ground. And then he showed up and he was nice and cool and funny and sweet and I never had a single problem. Kind of disappointing; I almost wish that at some point he had really let me have it, but he never did." — Director Sean McGinley, on John Malkovich. [New York Mag]
• "I hate all that calorie counting. I eat what I want and then if my weight starts to go up, I cut back. Of course, I've aged a bit in the face, but not enough to worry about it. I have common sense enough to know that if I'm nearly 70, something has to happen." — Tina Turner. [Daily Mail]

• Michael Jackson is dying, according to the oh-so-reliable National Enquirer.

A source says: "Painkillers and booze have caught up with him. The only way he was able to cope with the stress of sex scandals and his roller-coaster life was to mask the pain with substance abuse." Another insider claims: "His muscles and lungs are deteriorating, and he's bedridden much of the time. He can walk, but not for very long." [Newser, National Enquirer]

• Shh! Secret Oprah/Obama party in honor of the inauguration! Pass it on! [Page Six]
• Are Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt married? Or does Taraji Henson have trouble remembering the word "partner"? [The Sun]
• You know how, in W, Brad Pitt claimed that he and Jennifer Aniston "still check in with one another"? The New York Post's Cindy Adams says: Toro caca. Brad and Jen haven't spoken in three years. [NY Post]
• Anne Hathaway skipped the Bride Wars premiere party to go smoke cigarettes and play pool. [Page Six]
• Sixteen-year-old Frances Bean Coban checked out a $6.5 million Manhattan penthouse recently. Without her mom. Will she buy it and leave Courtney on her own? [NY Post]
• Will Tom Cruise go on Friday Night With Jonathan Ross? [Telegraph]
• Amy Winehouse continues to hang out with this random dude, Josh Bowman, in the Caribbean; yesterday she serenaded him from the piano at a hotel bar. [The Sun]
• Congrats to Lisa Bonet and hot hottie Jason Momoa, who (maybe) welcomed a boy in mid-December. The name? Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa. According to Jason's mom, "He was born on the stormest, rainy night. Nakoa(warrior)...Mana(strength/spirit) Kaua(rain) po(dark)... The name was always going to be Nakoa-Wolf, but Jason did the research on first middle name, 2nd middle name as you know is Jason's." Okay then! [ONTD]
• Did you know that Mario Lopez and Fergie were one another's first kiss back in the '80s? Anyway, now that Fergie is getting married, Mario says: "I'm happy for all of her success. She deserves it. Josh is a great guy. They will be great together." [People]
• Dear Princess Beatrice: If you don't want your black BMW, which was a gift from your father, the Duke of York, to be stolen off the street in the West 1 area of London, don't leave your keys in the ignition. [Independent]
• Taylor Momsen, Gossip Girl's Little J, was seen dining with her dad in MD, making a big deal about trying not to be recognized… And no one cared. [Page Six]
• Finally! What we've all some of you have been waiting for: Tori Spelling is in negotiations to appear on the new 90210. [People]
• Say buh-bye to Balthazar Getty on TV: The writers and producers of Brothers & Sisters have changed scenes and storylines to phase out his character, Tommy Walker, before the season ends. [E!]
• Leonardo DiCaprio will star in the screen adaptation of Beat The Reaper, a novel by Josh Bazell, about a Manhattan emergency room doctor whose life becomes complicated when a mobster recognizes the doc from his former life as a hitman who went into the witness protection program. [Variety]
• Being on Celebrity Big Brother has given Coolio a platform to say all kinds of crap; today he claims that the difference between American chicks and Brit birds is that English women get drunk and hook up with people they don't even know. [Mirror]
• Take a deep sigh of relief: David Spade and Nicolette Sheridan are just friends. [E!]
• Blind items! 1. Which married-with-children cable TV honcho has been so helpful to an ambitious reporter who works for him, everyone thinks they're having an affair - including her boyfriend? Her beau dumped her flat after reading some incriminating e-mails 2. Which media mogul has been hitting on the flight attendant on his corporate jet - and her girlfriend? He offered the hotties an all-expenses-paid trip to Mexico City, but they laughingly declined. [Page Six]
• Additional blind item! "Which reality star announced in the middle of a business lunch, “Whoops, just got my period!” — and then kept eating as if nothing had happened?" [Gatecrasher]
• Some band has written a song calling for a confession from Casey Anthony, Caylee's mother and the prime suspect in Caylee's death. [Gatecrasher]
• SNL star Casey Wilson wants to play Suri Cruise: "I just have to give her a voice. She’s got a lot to say, a lot of opinions. She’s very smart and she can wear that Burberry coat like no other. But I think I’m going to make her arrive in a spaceship." [Gatecrasher]
• Dr. Jan Adams, the surgeon who operated on the late Dr. Donda West (Kanye's mom), was sentenced to a year in jail for DUI. He had a blood alcohol level of .20 percent. [The Life Files]
• Check out video of rapper T.I. on the witness stand as he fights a raise in child support payments (he already pays $6,000 a month!). A lawyer asks him what size house he lives in, and T.I., aka Clifford, says "A big one." [The Life Files]
• For some reason, Stephen Spielberg's image was being used on a flyer at the University of Wales, promoting their creative writing department. Spielberg's lawyers asked the school to cease and desist. [Telegraph]
• Those of you hoping to see Gandalf's wand are out of luck! Ian McKellen is not upset that the nude scene from his version of King Lear won't be shown when the stage play is shown on TV. "Every night, when I'd take my clothes off, you know what I used to do? Pull in my stomach. That's pathetic. I was playing an old man. I should have let it all hang out, and I couldn't do that." [AP]
• "Noel Gallagher wants me to play him in a movie about his life? That is ridiculous, he must have been in a very good mood to say that. I'm way older than him anyway, so I couldn't play him, but I love the idea, it's fantastic. I can play the guitar better than Noel can so I don't know how that is really going to work. I haven't had a call from Liam yet so I'll wait for that one." — Daniel Craig. [Telegraph]
• "Israel is a NAZI state… Israel has enough money to pay each and every Palestinian to not shoot at them." — Roseanne Barr. [Page Six]

• The country's most famous teen mom, Bristol Palin, will have a boy around December 20th with fiance Levi Johnston. The as-yet-unnamed kiddie already killed a moose with his bare hands in utero. [Page Six]

• Though he persistently claims that he's not a Scientologist, Will Smith gave $122,500 to various Scientologist organizations. It's worth noting that a tax deductible $122,500 for Smith is like twenty buckies to us normal folks. That lady who does Bart Simpson's voice gave the Scientologists $10 million one time! [Perez]
• Last week Paula Abdul was going on and on to Barbara Walters about how Simon Cowell and the producers of American Idol deliberately made her face her stalker, Paula Godspeed, the woman who eventually killed herself outside Abdul's house. Cowell says otherwise: "All [Paula Abdul had] to say is ‘Stop filming, I need to speak with the producers.’ That didn’t happen [during Godspeed's audition]. But I only remember from what I saw [in news clips],” Simon says. [People]
• Jeremy Piven is leaving the David Mamet show Speed the Plow months before the end of its scheduled run. His flack claims that it's because Piven's discovered he has a high level of mercury, to which Mamet responded, "My understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer.” [NYT]
• The shooting death of Mark Ruffalo's brother Scott has officially been ruled a homicide by Los Angeles police. [TMZ]
• Earlier this week, Madonna's flack Liz Rosenberg issued a report that Guy Ritchie had received in the neighborhood of $80 million dollars in the couple's divorce. Almost immediately afterwards, Madonna and Guy said that that Liz was a big liar and that her statement was "misleading" and "inaccurate." Today, Liz is covering her ass with a new announcement from the couple: "A misleading and inaccurate statement, specifically in relation to the sums of money involved, was wrongly issued to AP this week. The financial details of the settlement will remain private, save to say that both of us are happy with our agreement. Our primary concern, like any co-parents, is the care and well being of our children." [Jossip]
• Richard Dreyfuss is suing his father and uncle for nearly $4 million in unpaid loans. It's going to be a FUN Christmas at the Dreyfuss house! [The Star UK]
• More family feuding: Whitney Houston's step-mother is suing her for money she claims Whitney improperly kept after Houston's father, John, died in 2003. [AP via Yahoo News]
• Like mother-in-law Blythe Danner earlier this week, Chris Martin is disavowing divorce rumors. "I'm trying to think of when the last bit of bad news was. Well there hasn't been anything for a while. I'm supposed to be getting divorced but those things aren't happening so don't really count as bad news," the Coldplay star says. [Contact Music]
• A foreclosure company has stepped in to help pay Ed McMahon's mortgage, so the aging star won't get booted from his posh Orange County digs. [TMZ]
• Aw, Dustin Hoffman is a proud papa: "[MY kids] get mad at me for telling everyone about their accomplishments or for finding cute girls for my sons. But even though they love to hate me for it or cruelly imitate me, I can't stop bragging. They are my true credits." [Page Six]
• Stars are sharing their worst xmas presents ever with Cindy Adams. ""My most awful present as a teenager was a calculator," Michelle Williams said. "Every year I seemed to get the same stupid thing from a relative. I never used one of them." [Cindy Adams]
• Will Ferrell is going to play George W. on Broadway as a not-so-fond farewell to our 43rd President. The review will be called "You're Welcome, America: A Final Night With George W. Bush," and hits the B'way on January 20th. [NYDN]
• Eminem may keep a low profile these days, but don't worry, he's still the same old asshole. He tells Esquire, "I'm a T-shirt guy now. But wifebeaters won't go out of style, not as long as bitches keep mouthing off." [Esquire]
• Here's what Nick Cannon ex Christina Milian had to say about Cannon's marriage to Mariah Carey: “I was surprised like everyone else. I was like, ‘Really?’ It just seemed like a weird match, but I was happy for him. I always feel Nick works hard to get what he wants, whether that be women—that’s how he got me.” And then Mariah came in and shanked her with a giant enamel butterfly. [Just Jared]
• Emma Watson is worth $20 million and she still takes the subway. "I have a more normal life than people expect. When I take public transport, people are like, 'That girl looks like the girl from Harry Potter, but it can't be her on the tube.'"So then she takes out her Quidditch broomstick and shows them a thing or two. [USA Today]
• In a last ditch effort for popcultural relevancy, it looks like the new 90210 is mining an old feud for ratings: Brenda vs. Kelly. "Now that it's out that Brenda's been boinking Kelly's boyfriend Ryan (that whore!), the tension is most assuredly building up to a bona fide Kelly-Brenda smackdown." Dramz! [E! Online]
• Laura Bryan used to be married to Hootie and the Blowfish guitarist Mark Bryan. They divorced, and she just got remarried…to Hootie and the Blowfish drummer Jim Sonefeld. There's a blowfish joke to be made here but I'm not up for it this early in the morning. [WaPo]
• Tennis star Lindsay Davenport is expecting her second child. "Of course, this unexpected but exciting surprise now means I will be putting tennis on hold for the foreseeable future," Davenport says. [UPI]
• Eddie Murphy will play the Riddler in the next Batman movie alongside Christian Bale's broody hero. [Telegraph]
• 16-year-old Frances Bean Cobain is checking out a $6.5 million New York City pad. It must be said: if Courtney Love were your mother, wouldn't you want to live across the continent? [NYP]
• Though the fourth installment of the Terminator movies has not even hit screens yet, producers are already gearing up for a Terminator 5. Action hack Christian Bale is already locked in for the distant fifth Terminator movie. Let us reiterate: please drop that damn breathy hero voice Christian! We can't take you seriously when you talk like a low rent Darth Vader! [UPI]

• Jennifer Aniston on John Mayer: "He's a rare one. He is extraordinary and it is wonderful to watch him... the way his brain works and the way he thinks thoughts... it's beautiful." Is this the same John Mayer we know? [Mirror, The Sun]
• Remember how Jennifer Aniston had dinner with Gerard Butler? They're in negotiations to star in an "untitled bounty hunter project" from Columbia pictures. [Variety]
• While the world crumbles all around us, Katie Holmes has helped the Broadway show All My Sons turn a profit. She's box-office gold! Says a source: "Of course, it's not just her, it's [costars] John Lithgow and Dianne Wiest, but no one will say that." [E!]
• Oh, dear: Blake Fielder Civil gave Amy Winehouse drugs when he visited her in the hospital. [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse's mom says: "We're so happy he's back in jail. We hope he's in there for a long time. We're all so furious with Blake for what he's done to Amy." [Mirror]
• What's this? Amy is working on a new album? And using her lyrics to trash her "junkie jailbird hubby"? This could be good. [Mirror]

• Jessica Biel plays a stripper in a flick called Powder Blue and really, uh, commits. Click to see video of homegirl working the pole in a strappy leather getup. Also, this movie looks like it will break your heart. [ONTD]
• Mariah Carey was seen leaving the gynecologist's office in L.A., so she must be knocked up. [Mirror]
• PETA is pissed again, this time because Britney Spears used cruelly trained lions and elephants in her "Circus" video. [PETA]
• Hmm, Britney is requiring all of her backup dancers take drug tests? In an effort to keep her away from negative influences? [Yahoo News via E!]
• Jay Leno is getting a prime time show on NBC, at 10 o'clock. It won't be the Tonight Show, because that will still come on at 11:35, and the new host will be Conan O'Brien. But Leno's new show may have some elements of the Tonight Show, like "Jay Walking" and the monologue. So how will it be different? We'll have to wait and see. [NY Times]
• This was in Midweek Madness but here it is again: Tom Brady and Gisele are planning a wedding in Costa Rica. And Kate Moss is pregnant. Congrats all around? [NY Mag]
• Kate Moss is supposedly making a "big" announcement next week. [The Sun]
• Nicole Kidman is no longer the highest paid actress in Hollywood, probably because her films never made that much. Writes Hadley Freedman: "This is known as Aniston's Law: just because an actress makes for an appealing magazine cover does not mean that people want to see them act." [Guardian]
• Double divorces in the Ritchie family: Guy's brother is splitting from his wife; she claims he "fell into a spiral of heavy drinking brought on by his champagne lifestyle." [Daily Mail]
• Even though Madonna won a judgment against The Mail on Sunday for publishing wedding photos, the battle isn't over: The pix were stolen from her Beverly Hills home by an interior decorator and were also published in OK! magazine. OK! printed a retraction which read: "It has since come to our attention that the individual who supplied the photographs to us had no right to do so and the photographs were not authorized for publication." But that might not be good enough; Madge might sue. [MSNBC]
• Lost's Josh Holloway, aka Sawyer, is gonna be a dad: His wife, Yessica is expecting her first child. That's a good lookin' couple right there, expect a cute cute kid! [People]
• Anne Hathaway auctioned herself off for charity: "I will take you and a friend somewhere fabulous and basically get you totally shit faced," she said. The money raised from the event went to the Trevor Project, which operates a crisis suicide prevention line for LGBT youth. Anne went for $12,000 and was totally shocked. "I could not get a date for the prom," she claimed. Click for video! [E!]
• Whoa, Oprah is still seeing that Stedman dude? She says, "I happen to be with a man who has always appreciated the fact that I was...considered a powerful person, and gives me the space to be that." So much space we like, never see him? [E!]
• In case you were wondering, Oprah weighs 200 pounds and has "fallen off the wagon." She says: "I'm mad at myself. I'm embarrassed." [AP, WWD]
• The man and woman considered "persons of interest" in the shooting of Mark Ruffalo's brother have turned themselves in to cops. [ET]
• This just in: Mark Ruffalo's brother, Scott, has died. [TMZ]
• Miley Cyrus's new video involves the teen dream being chased by paparazzi, a totally new and never before explored concept. [Perez Hilton]
• By the by, Miley Cyrus says: "It's important at Christmastime to be daring – to put your cell phone and your computer away and actually be with your family and not just be worrying about other things that you can deal with every other day." [People]
• Ben Affleck will direct a film about the Arizona Project, the tale of a murdered reporter investigating political corruption. [Hollywood Reporter]
• The real Aaron Rose thinks the Gossip Girl Aaron Rose sucks. "I wish they would have made him cooler." [NY Post]
• New Lost video! Secrets about Ben Linus revealed! [E!]
• Despite what you may have heard, 90210's Brenda Walsh is not going to die! "They're not killing off her character," says Shenae Grimes, who plays Annie. But is it all a ruse? [Yahoo News via E!]
• Yes, yes, we know: There's a Cosby Show-inspired porn flick in the works, which a tipster called "The Fuxtables." [Comedy Central]
• Cate Blanchett got a letter from fans in Australia who'd had their farm repossessed. "The woman from the bank, who had repossessed the farm was called Caitlin Blankett. The man had written to me saying would I please change my name because every time his wife sees my films she bursts into tears." Cate is considering a new moniker: "I quite like the name Ethel." [Daily Express]
• Robert De Niro cried when Barack Obama won. [Daily Express]
• Debra Messing plays the career-driven wife of John Leguizamo in the new film Nothing Like The Holidays: "I'd never been an outsider in a film," Messing says. "I very much felt like the white Jewish girl and it was the first time I had ever been the minority on the set." [Reuters]
• Click to see a trailer of Benicio Del Toro in Che! [Telegraph]
• Kylie Minogue "snubbed" a personal invitation from David Bekham to watch him play football - -and went to an Alicia Keys show instead. Did she make the right choice? [The Sun]
• Dancing With The Stars champ Brooke Burke is signing 1,000 holiday cards to send to overseas troops who can't be home for the holidays. She'll also send pictures of herself wearing military fatigues. What's next? "I don't know!" she says. "I'd really love to work on a sitcom." [USA Today]
• American Idol winner Fantasia: Losing her home due to foreclosure. [Perez Hilton]
• Can you picture Keanu Reeves as a samurai? He'll star in 47 Ronin, an epic period film based on the true tale of a band of swordsmen who avenged the death of their master in 18th century Japan. [Variety]
• The 1998 film Out Of Sight, starring Jennifer Lopez and George Clooney, was named the "Sexiest Film Of All Time" in an Entertainment Weekly poll. Do we agree? [Times Of India]
• Actor Stacy Keach talks about golf, playing Richard Nixon and doing cocaine. [Reuters]
• "I don't really have a vested interest in what they do career-wise, so long as it's neither destructive to their bodies nor illegal. And hopefully not destructive to other people's bodies either." — Jennifer Connelly, on her kids. [Guardian]
• "A lot of actors didn't do well in school… as I turned into an actor, I felt like learning was no longer a job. It was like a passion. I learnt a lot about Cuba, the Sixties, Latin American history. It doesn't matter which way you cut it, it's my roots." — Benicio Del Toro. [Telegraph]
• "I like doing things that are completely unpredictable. I like the idea of — not shocking people — but just throwing people off. Doing something that makes them go: 'Whoa, she did that next? Wow! I didn't think she was going to do that!' That makes me feel like I'm able to do something interesting." — Kate Winslet. [UPI]
• "I do sometimes wish that I could live with less attention but not being totally ignored by the world. It's very wearing to be a celebrity. I wonder if people are going to follow me or if someone is going to pop out of nowhere with a camera. I get very angry but I'm trying not to let it stop me from living. You're sort of straddling that fine line between being kind and courteous and everything that your mother raised you to be to strangers that come up and refuse to respect your privacy." — Michelle Williams. [Parade]

And today's teens don't just want to ogle the wealthy; they want in on the action: The new tween-friendly flagship Juicy Couture store in New York offers $328 rhinestone-encrusted cashmere hoodies. Are kids today learning that money makes everything better?

Ms. La Ferla interviews Juliet B. Schor, a sociology professor at Boston College. She claims: "We are living in an era in which emulations and aspiration has upscaled very significantly. The media tells us, 'Anybody can succeed. You just have to have the right clothing, the right friends, the right décor.'"

Cintra Wilson attempted to shop at the Juicy Couture store, which embodies the spoiled brattitude that is so hot right now. She writes: "Juicy is posing as disestablishment chic. It is putting food coloring in its blond hair and driving to the underage punk show in Dad’s Lexus. Juicy is de-punkinated punk that rarely verges into the naughty."

Little girls have almost always dreamed of being princesses, but there's something disturbing about the ways they're going about it these days. Sleeping Beauty and Snow White were kind to animals and never flashed their crotches when getting out of a car; Little Orphan Annie was just as charming and popular when dressed in rags as she was when she became an heiress. She certainly never got carted away to jail by the cops. But these stories about the younger generation are worrying: If all of their idols shop for a living, they confuse expensive with stylish and think that money and happiness are the same, aren't they in for a rude awakening when they get old enough to pay the bills?

Markets Stall But Spoiled Always Sells [NY Times]
Rhinestones Are A Tween’s Best Friend [NY Times]

The Okay:
Cherilyn Wilson's dress may or may not get a pass in part because I recently picked up something very similar (in a solid, though!) at H&M.




The Bad:
When will the long national nightmare of grotesque shoes be over? Does it have something to do with the recession? Tell me, Chelsea Staub!


CC Fontana's flapper costume is modernized with this season's grotesque footwear!


Lissa Lauria takes the attitude, "why only one fug accessory when you can have many?"


At best, black and yellow can skew bumblebee. At worst, Jessica Stroup wears shoes like these.


Wait, what? What code? The 90210 code? Bros before hos? WTF are you talking about, Krystal Franklyn?





The Ugly:
Perez Hilton really knows how to bring attention to a cause: with shrink-wrapped date Lady Gaga and a Good Humor man costume.

[Images via Getty]

• So you know how Gerard Butler kicked a paparazzi's ass yesterday? He was definitely provoked. After Gerard allegedly got out of the limo and punched the dude in the face, the photog continued following Butler for more than an hour before going to the hospital. Plus, he called a lawyer before calling the cops. [TMZ]
• Oooh! Anna Wintour has a crush on Gerard Butler! Get in line, lady. Or put him on the cover of Vogue! [Page Six]
• Did you notice how Brad and Angelina stopped in New Orleans before heading back to France? Totally on purpose! An insider says: "Brad wanted to check on the progress of the houses being built in the Ninth Ward." And someone else says: "With just a handful of weeks before the presidential election, they wanted to subtly remind everyone that New Orleans is still in recovery mode." [E!]
• Um, Angelina is in a new glossy version of The Bible. [Drudge Retort]

• Britney's lawyer would not take a plea deal for her driving-without-a-license case. He wants a $10 fine. "We don't want a misdemeanor," he says. "This should be an infraction. No probation." So! There will be a trial on October 15. [E!]
• As for Jamie Lynn, as previously reported, even though the Enquirer says she is knocked up again, other sources say she is not pregnant. Phew. [Perez Hilton, TMZ]
• Oh yeah, and what's up with OK! saying that Jamie Lynn's baby daddy Casey never cheated on JLS, when In Touch had an exclusive interview with the other woman? Both mags stand by their stories. [MSNBC]
• Zac Efron was attacked by a a middle-aged man thought to be a deranged fan in London. The dude ran up to Zac and girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens and tried to grab Zac's hair. Apparently he wouldn't let go of the teen heartthrob and had to be tackled by a bodyguard. [Mirror
• Michael Phelps went to a party where ladies surrounded him and screamed, "Fish man! Fish man!" [Page Six]
• Wait, what's this? Michael Phelps has a girlfriend? Miss California runner-up Nicole Johnson? [Rush & Molloy]
• Nicole Richie and little Harlow are on the cover of People this week! [People]
• Diddy is pissed that John McCain called Barack Obama "that one." [Radar]
• On October 14, there will be a benefit concert thrown by DJ AM's friends — with performances from celebrity DJs, including Mark Ronson, Steve Aoki, Danny Masterson and Mixmaster Mike. Proceeds will go to the memorial funds established for crash victims. [People]
• Former America's Next Top Model competitors will now be on Modelville, a reality show within Tyra's talk show. Very meta. [E!]
• Joe Jonas and Taylor Swift have broken up. You know who they are, right? [Us Magazine]
• Hugh Hefner talks about his split with Holly Madison: "If Holly says it's over, I guess it's over. She's still here in the house. Until a few days ago, we were still sharing the same bed." He also says: "It's now apparent there will be some new faces in my personal life and on the show. There's been moments that I've been down in the dumps about all this… [But] there are girls lined up outside the front gate. At my age, that's hard to believe, but it seems to be true." He added: "It's a big house. And I'm not going to live alone. I'm definitely not going to live alone." [AP]
• Nikki Blonsky says that airport brawl with ANTM's Bianca left her "completely destroyed" and she lives "every day in pain." She and her father face assault charges. [People]
• Audrina was on Ellen's show and talked all about LC and Justin Bobby! Lauren and Justin flirted in the past; Audrina has tried to call LC but LC hangs up on her; and Audrina hasn't spoken to Justin Bobby. So basically nothing was confirmed. [Perez Hilton]
• Courteney Cox looks like a dazed zombie on the cover of the new Marie Claire. [ONTD]
• Michael Jackson took his kids to a comic book store in L.A. and they wore masks, prompting this paper to print the headline: "It's ALWAYS Halloween In Michael Jackson's Family." But the unmasked pix are cute! Blanket is getting so big. Here's a question: Do you really think MJ is the father of those kids? [The Sun]
• Oprah is leading an Obama fund-raising weekend in Chicago. [Chicago Sun-Times]
• Jason Priestley returning to 90210? Ah, to direct. Hmm. [People]
• Ricky Gervais has built a gym at his New York apartment — because he is too embarrassed to work out in public. [The Sun
• Katy Perry's mom dated Jimi Hendrix? And her dad was an LSD dealer, good friends with Timothy Leary? [The Sun]
• Hannah Montana is hazardous to your health: Some jewelry with the Disney star on it was found to have high levels of lead. [Perez Hilton]
• Lil' Kim is being sued for $2.5 million by a recording company, which says the rapper hasn't delivered all the recordings their contract requires. [USA Today]
• Rachael Ray wants to open a burger joint in New York. "I'm going for a '60s back-in-the-day Rat Pack-y kind of hangout, and I want the bar to be really central [and] the burgers to become a very social thing. I want people to come to the bar to see beautiful proper martinis being made and to enjoy some sliders." So. Hungry. [Gothamist]
• TV chef Jamie Oliver didn't want to kiss girls at his book signings for fear of communicable disease: I said, 'Look, you know, I'm very loyal to my wife and if I have to keep kissing these birds, right, it's only a numbers game before I get herpes. And once you've got it ... it never goes. And I'll be growing flapjack on me lip.'" [Daily Star]
• Paul McCartney is calling on his fans to boycott McDonald's after finding out his picture is in a Mickey Ds in Liverpool. He's been a vegetarian for decades. [Nikki Sixx, who is dating Kat Von D, says, in the beginning, when they first started seeing each other, "When I tried to kiss her she karate chopped me. She's a fiery one." [People]
• American Idolcontestant Kelli Pickler battled a year-long depression and anti-depressants made her "crazy." [People]
• LOL: Boogie Nights, the musical. [The Star]
• Do what you must to prepare yourself: Katie Price, the "glamour model" known as Jordan, and her husband Peter Andre are moving to Hollywood in January. They have three kids: Harvey, 6, who is blind; Junior Savva Andreas Andre, 3, and one year old Princess Tiáamii Crystal Esther Andre. [Perez Hilton]
• Ozzy Osbourne's show on Fox will be "half scripted," so the Writers Guild of America is issuing a warning to writers about that. [NY Times]
• Following Peter Cook's interview with Barbara Walters, Christie Brinkley says: "It is a measure of [his] character that he has breached the confidentiality agreement that is in the divorce settlement and has sought to present this distorted one-side view of his marriage." Word. [ABC News]
• Here's a picture from Howard Stern's wedding, if you care. [People]
• Who shot the sheriff? Eric Clapton is auctioning 13 of his shotguns. [The Sun]
• Anna Deveare Smith will premiere a new solo piece in November, inspired by Arizona State University's law school, named for retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor - the first U.S. law school to be named for a woman. [Yahoo News]
• "All men have thought about her at least once in their lives. The great thing about Judi Dench is that she's the matriarch of British film. She has an innate power about her ... Bond needs a woman like M to contain his nonsense and say, 'Look, 007, you've been an idiot!' But they won't sleep together. Not unless the cupboard gets very bare in terms of storylines." — Daniel Craig. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "[The Beatles] were young capitalists who, far from developing a youth culture, were exploiting youth culture by promoting fan worship, mindless screaming and nothing more than a passive teenage consumer." — Historian David Fowler. [Guardian]
• "Last night i went to see Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and it was so cute! I think the entire cast is so much fun to watch, and the storyline is great. I'm a big fan of Kat Dennings and Michael Cera. It would be nice to give them some support! Seeing movies like this is such a good feeling. It also shows you how important movies are in life – you can be in a horrible mood, and most of the time a movie that makes you laugh and enjoy life can change your mood by the time you walk out of the theatre." — Lindsay Lohan. [People]
• "Most heterosexual men do not find Renée Zellweger attractive. It’s true. Nice girl, and I have met Renée. She is the kind of girl who bakes really good muffins, you go out to dinner with her, but that’s it." — Denis Leary. [Vanity Fair]
• "What Jay and I have is real. It's not about interviews or getting the right photo op. It's real." — Beyoncé, sorta talking about her wedding in Essence. [ People]
• "But if you, out of nowhere, are going to grab a woman out of the woods and make her your vice presidential candidate, what can I do? [Sarah Palin] is like Jodie Foster in the movie Nell. They just found her, and she was speaking her own special language. Have you noticed how [Palin's] rallies have begun to take on the characteristics of the last days of the Weimar Republic? In Florida, she asked 'Who is Barack Obama?' Hey, lady, we just met YOU five fucking weeks ago." — Jon Stewart. [Rush & Molloy]

• After years of establishing her reliability and commitment to quality, LiLo has gone all weirdly entrepreneurial on us! She's launched her own brand development company. "With Lohan serving as the public face and a source of ideas, Beverly Hills-based Stay Gold LLC is developing merchandise under the label 6126." The merch so far is "leggings." They're developing self-tanner. One can only assume really ratty wigs are on the drawing board. [WWD]
• Now that the industry is getting more diverse, Naomi Campbell's work here is done. “This time they [designers and editors] have stepped it up. I feel positive. That means that I can go soon.” Okay, Siddhartha, you do that. [Times of London]
• The guy who designed Sarah Palin's rimless specs is, in fact, voting for Change. [CNN]
• Which is kinda harsh, really, since his sales have quadrupled since the conventions! [NYDN]

• Apparently Nicole Farhi's moddles all sported Obama buttons on the runway "instead of brooches". Never mind that they're all probably under 18 and Russian! [Style.com]
• This is like Fashion mad libs! Rodarte and Lexus are making a scented candle. Yes. [MediaBistro]
• This new geriatric Sartorialist is like my dream come to life. No, really. 'Advanced Style' "documents street style and fashion of the mature and wizened. Our aim is to take photos of elders with a unique sense of personal style that has developed with age." [NY Mag]
• Have you heard?! Apparently nothing still comes between Brooke Shields and her Calvins! Certainly not carbs. [People]
• "Carolyn Rafaelian is just a small-business-owning single mom with three kids to raise, but the bigwigs at Juicy Couture don't care." They've apparently ripped off this bangle which she sells to Henri Bendel and Saks. Twirling their mustaches, one assumes. [New York Post]
• Even if the girls are too thin, the clothes are great on the new 90210. Wait, why am I saying that like it's an unusual conflict? [Variety]
• Michael Vollbracht swoops in to claim Bill Blass's society-ladies-of-a-certain-age clientele: The collection "was delightfully old-fashioned and completely oblivious to the financial meltdown happening somewhere downtown." [NY Times]
• The life of a "body part model" is a busy one. [Mirror]
• Apparently Viktor and Rolf require chocolates at all their awesome shows. Take off the last part, and they have a lot in common with us. [Dazed Digital]
• Well, fuck. Topshop NYC's not opening until the Spring. [FT]
• For those gals with a season pass on the SATC tour bus, good news: "Select pieces from Patricia Field's Destination Style New York collection can be pre-ordered online before her limited-run HSN line premieres on September 23 for five nights." [Extra]

Life & Style
"Forced To Live A Lie." The cover story is mainly rehashed stuff about Britney's past — her lip syncing, her boob job, etc. Then there's a story about Britney's kids' birthday party: Lynn and Jamie Lynn attended, and it was the first time that Sean and Jayden met little Maddie. Jenny McCarthy's son and Gwen Stefani's son were also guests at the party. Britney looks totally normal in jeans and a sweatshirt. Next: Lindsay's wearing a "massive" heart-shaped diamond ring on her engagement finger. Her rep denies that she's engaged; sources say she bought the ring herself at an antique store in NYC. Also inside: Jennifer Lopez is "Superwoman" because she did a triathlon in Malibu and threw a surprise party for Marc Anthony in NYC on the same day. Funny how she recovered from the "foot injury" that kept her from judging Project Runway! Lastly: Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Rafaeli's on-again, off-again relationship is off.
Grade: F (broken toilet)

Ok!
"Miley's New Man." Miley Cyrus has been hanging out with a cute 20-year-old underwear model by the name of Justin Gaston — he's a also an aspiring country singer who was once on Nashville Star. Miley's dad Billy Ray introduced Justin to Miley and they've gone to church together a couple of times. His MySpace page says, "I love Jesus." Here's a picture of Justin in his underwear (Fig. 1). Also inside: Ben Affleck and the Geico Caveman are surprise look-alikes. (Fig. 2)
Grade: D- (broken Bakelite bangle)






In Touch
"The Richest & Poorest Stars." Intern Margaret suffered through eight pages of "completely random factoids about celebrities and money." It's all been previously reported, but the among the "poorest" seems to be Rihanna: There are rumors that she only has $20,000 in the bank. Ruben Studdard owes $200,000 in State and Federal taxes. Among the richest: Simon Cowell, who owns a $14 million house in London and a $20 million mansion in L.A. Next: Jessica Simpson says her "abuse" song is not about John Mayer. "I don't talk about my relationship with John Mayer anymore, because it's disrespectful to the man I'm in love with, and it's just… done." Plus! On Newlyweds, the parts where Nick and Jessica were fighting were edited out, because Jess's dad was a producer on the show. Also inside: Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester and Blake Lively don't speak to each other unless they have to. Pam Anderson and Mickey Rourke made out at a nightclub in Toronto. Ashley Olsen has asked Mary-Kate Olsen not to be involved with their higher-end fashion line, The Row, because MK parties all the time and doesn't take the business seriously. Is Lindsay Lohan cutting herself? There are inconclusive pictures of her taken after the MTV VMAs with what could be cutting scars, but also they sorta look like they could be old (Fig 3). While Jennifer Aniston was in Toronto for the film festival, she flirted with Gerard Butler at a party.
Grade: D- (warped vintage 78s)

Star
"Nicole Moves Out!" Apparently, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have been fighting and she keeps "storming off." Except the first time Nicole "stormed off" she went to her mom's house and came back the next day; the second time, she "stormed off" to Fashion Week and Joel joined her the next day. Then he walked out on her… by heading back to L.A. For the MTV VMA party. Where he was spotted flirting with Mischa Barton. It doesn't seem like Nicole actually moved out. Blind item! "What young diva was singing 'S.O.S' at the register when her credit card was declined? She said she'd come back to pick up the Gucci shoes another time, but she never did." Portia de Rossi plans to change her name to Portia DeGeneres! She and Ellen purchased stationery engraved with "Mrs. & Mrs. DeGeneres" from Tiffany and used it to write thank-you notes to their wedding guests. Jessica Simpson had a bad performance on Good Morning America because she stayed out late at a Marc Jacobs Fashion Week party the night before and got sloshed. Also: The back of her skirt blew up while she was singing on TV and she wasn't wearing undies. "The Brangie Bunch's Pigpen Castle!" story is about how the chateau is a mess: Maddox and Pax have set up an erector set in the front foyer, and the boys have toothpaste wars with Zahara and Shiloh. Maddox leaves blue hair dye all over the house. Angie lets them color all over the walls. When they go dirt biking, Brad doesn't make them wipe their feet when they come inside. There's more on Miley Cyrus's dude in here, with another underwear pic. Five-foot seven-inch Keira Knightley weighs only 99 lbs. She went to several parties where she didn't eat anything, only drank, and at one, she asked for a glass of water and when she stood up to drink it, she collapsed. Also thin: Katrina Bowden from 30 Rock (Fig. 4). Lastly: "Bristol Palin Stole My Guy" is about Levi Johnston's ex girlfriend, Lanesia Garcia, who used to be BFF with Bristol. Bristol urged Lanesia to break up with Levi, and as soon as she did, Bristol started dating Levi. Lanesia and Levi started dating at 12 and lost their virginity to each other at 15 and used protection. Just so you know.
Grade: C (stained Saarinen chair)

Us
"Too Thin For TV." The new stars of the new 90210, Shenae Grimes and Jessica Stroup, are pretty damn skinny. According to the mag, Jessica is 5'8" and 100lbs; Shenae is 5'3" and 90lbs. But! Both ladies weighed more (118 and 120, respectively) before they started the show. What is going on? A show source says, "I've never seen Jessica or Shenae eat." Another source says," They both smoke like chimneys." The pictures are disturbing (Fig. 5). Next: A French journalist asked Eva Longoria if she was pregnant and she said, "No, I'm just fat." Bristol Palin's future kid will "be in good company," the mag claims, because these people were also born to teen moms: Selena Gomez, Jack Nicholson, Debi Mazar and Barack Obama. Maddox Jolie-Pitt is being tutored at home in his French chateau. Homeschool! Lauren Conrad and Project Runway winner Christian Siriano are designing gowns for the "Emmy girls" who present statues during the awards show.
Grade: C+ (Steelcase tanker desk)

Fig. 1

Fig. 2

Fig. 3

Fig. 4

Fig. 5

Comparing the original spoiled teens of 90210, like Shannen Doherty (pictured) with her new counterpart Shenae Grimes (also pictured) is something Flow TV does in an essay entitled, "Familiar Zipcode, New Bodies: A Critical Analysis of the Feminine Body in 90210.

In addition to the rampant consumerism Havrilesky dismantles, looking at the new 90210, Shayla Thiel-Stern of the University of Minnesota writes, "There is a more troubling underlying current here to examine, and that is the realization of how the feminine body feminine body, and specifically the adolescent female body, exists within cultural discourse, and how it has changed over a relatively short span of time."

We can see this clearly in the two versions of 90210. It is absolutely striking to note how different the young women cast in the roles in the 2008 version of 90210 look than their predecessors in 1990. Granted, fashions and trends change. But put the high-waisted, baggy acid washed jeans aside and focus on bodies and faces. Notice how the bodies of the 1990s females in the cast are proportioned. They have hips, wider thighs, vaguely pronounced muscles and heads that appear to belong on top of their bodies. By the standards of 1990, these actresses were thin and pretty.

The best way to illustrate Thiel-Stern's point is to post the two cast photos side by side, as she does:

People often compare the supermodels of the 90s, none of whom was emaciated, with the much slimmer runway models of today as an example of how much things have changed in terms of what's considered a desirable body. The two casts of 90210, one robust, the other wasting away, show that its not only on the runway where standards of skinniness are untenable for most.

Rich Kids [Salon]
Familiar Zipcode, New Bodies: A Critical Analysis of the Feminine Body in 90210 [Flow TV]

Earlier: The CW's New Shows Are Lacking In Color

Can I Be A Schoolteacher AND A Slut? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

Now we have 90210. And, new on the CW: Privileged. As Robert Bianco writes for USA Today: "What an odd America CW inhabits. As far as CW is concerned these days, we all live in a land where most everyone is white, wealthy and incredibly, well, privileged." But one of the most popular shows on the CW has a diverse mix of racial and socio-economic backgrounds, with men, women, blacks, whites, Latins, gays, straights and "fiercees" all working together: America's Next Top Model.

It's not strange that Tyra's show appeals to women of all demographics — my mom loves it, and it definitely has a strong teen following — because it's campy fun while still showcasing real human personalities faced with real challenges. Not the ridiculous photo shoots: The tasks that teach the contestants things like honesty, confidence and self-awareness. Of course, the makeup and pretty clothes can't be denied.

But makeup and pretty clothes aren't enough, which is why Privileged seems to fall flat. (USA Today's Bianco calls it "a second-rate imitation" of Gossip Girl, with "clunky jokes, overwrought performances and a tone that implies we're actually supposed to care.") As for 90210, Entertainment Weekly's Ken Tucker calls it the "Sarah Palin" of TV Shows: "Its main purpose is to remind you of a trusty old product while adding some new vigor and soap opera to the cultural discourse." (Meanwhile, Gossip Girl is earning pretty good ratings so far this season.)

But the real question is: Why can't the CW network take some of the multi-culti, LBGT-friendly vibes Tyra brings to America's Next Top Model and sprinkle them in the rest of the whitewashed (except for Everybody Hates Chris) prime time programming? CW network president Dawn Ostroff tells AdAge that she is looking for a new head of reality. And she says: "Our primary goal each season is to develop shows that fit with the CW's brand identity, connect with our core female viewers and help create audience flow across the week. And 90210 accomplished each those perfectly." Hear that? Adopted black kids (who happen to be jocks!) are "perfect."

'Privileged': The Kids Are All White, And Kind Of Shallow, Too [USA Today]
Family Drama, the CW Way [AdAge]
CW Dazzles in Prime With Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill [MediaWeek]
90210 Review [EW]