Although Adele and her people have been meeting with Harper Collins to discuss a possible book deal (with a seven-figure offer), it won't be a memoir because, at 24, she thinks she's too young.

"As she sits drinking lavender lemonade,*" Taylor Swift tells Vanity Fair that everyone—including, and especially, other ladies in Hollywood—needs to shut the fuck up about how many penises are/may be in orbit around her:

As you may recall, in penance for her pro-Israel Tweet, Kim Kardashian planned a trip to Bahrain to learn about the Middle East hawk some milkshakes. A faction of Sunni Muslim MPs had taken their issues with Kardashian's visit up with Parliament before her arrival ("she's an actress with an extremely bad reputation"),…

The champion eaters among us know that Thanksgiving is a marathon, not a sprint. Lady Gaga, who was staying at a house in Peru before her concert in Lima on Friday, was going for a fourthmeal of festive leftovers in the nude (I hear you, Gaga; the turkey sweats are real) when this happened, as she recounted on Twitter:

To kick off her 777 tour, Rihanna's taken 200 bloggers and journalists on a Boeing 777 for a week. I've used my crack investigative skills to determine that everyone is getting fucked up and having a good time. At one point, Ri-Ri personally served cognac. One of the writers, Julieanne Smolinski, has a quick Q&A posted…

"Magical," "unforgettable" and "fantasy" are just a few of the gushing adjectives used by Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake to describe their hella expensive Italian wedding (soup), even though not everyone was as happy (N*Sync was excluded from the 100-person guest list; they are "are pretty upset about it"). Nevertheless,…

Sometimes "news" really just means "a conflagration of bizarre, seemingly-unrelated events that would seem more appropriate in a P.T. Anderson movie than they do in actual life," and this is one of those times. A woman went into the late stages of labor on a park bench in New York, and the paramedics were already on the…

Two mice fell into a bucket of cream. One of them panicked and drowned, but the other one kicked his little legs until he churned that cream into butter and walked out. And then Kate Major and Michael Lohan announced they were having a child, and the surviving mouse was like "What the fuck, didn't you just file a…

Two weeks after welcoming daughter Pearl Clementine with his fiancée Lisa Stelly, Jack Osbourne, 26, has been diagnosed with relapsing, remitting multiple sclerosis—the most common, but least aggressive form of the illness, says Osbourne. "I was just angry and frustrated and kept thinking, 'Why now?' " he told People…

When most people are in the hospital they don't tweet about their whereabouts because they are, you know, busy being extremely sick. But 50 Cent has recently issued a series of tweets mentioning that he's in the hospital—for what a friend says is a stomach ailment—while simultaneously mentioning his new mixtape. The…