Jezebel 
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New York, 9:04 PM
Sat Dec 5
34 posts in the last 24 hours
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12/03/09
Chris needs a serious dose of Zen...and I mean that in the real sense of the word. That is, he needs to be able to just BE with the reality of what he did, not try to constantly escape from it by proving his love for the woman he beat or asking for forgiveness or incessantly talking about how this is "not him." It is him. It may be difficult to look into that abyss, Chris, but you really have to.
12/03/09
Drown.
12/03/09
I think the media should stop spotlighting them as the example and find victims and abusers who are less focused on damage control and turn the dialogue back to the real issue.
Much like Tiger's situation, I feel that they should stop giving either of them a soapbox to spew their passive-aggressive PR spin.
12/03/09
12/03/09
12/03/09
I'm looking at this situation from the perspective of a mother with a 16-year old son. There's nothing in Brown's behavior that makes me believe he's not remorseful.
12/03/09
I'm sick of both of them. There are real victims out there with no voice. Let's get back to the real issue.
12/03/09
12/03/09
The thing with Rihanna is she says she wants to set an example for other women in her situation and then she makes damning comments like she feels sorry for any guy whose girl doesn't send them nude pictures. Talk about sending mixed signals.
Let's find people who actually want to help the cause. It's pretty obvious that Rihanna and Chris want to move past this and continue with their careers.
12/03/09
12/03/09
12/03/09
I admit I'd rather hear more from average men and women who have been abused, but Rihanna's story is no less "real" than mine.
12/03/09
And let me also add, that I have not only stayed in a women's shelters in my 20s, but I have volunteered ever since. I know both sides of the story. And I think that the only reason they are making this such a "big" deal is because they're famous.
Rihanna is clearly the victim int his situation, but Chris Brown is the dead horse.
12/03/09
That guy needs to do some self-reflection and start talking about what he did not what "happened" to him. But I've been saying that for months, so I'm not holding my breath. He just trying to salvage a career.
12/03/09
I say this as someone who has never experienced domestic violence but I think the "he turned into another person when he beat me" excuses people from their atrocious behavior.
12/03/09
12/03/09
12/03/09
It was months after I left the relationship before I realized that the reason I was living in terror and behaving completely out of character was because he picked me up and showed me how he was going to kill me. It took me another few weeks to realize that the months of boiling showers, the sense that I would never be clean again, the bruises, the being held down after I said no, the flashbacks and nightmares -- Oh. I was sexually assaulted.
I was really, really lucky, because my abuser became abusive days after we started dating, when I stopped being his dream girl because I was no longer 24/7 available. (I had the flu.) I was able to escape much of the "holding on to the dream" stage, because there was no dream to hold on to; as far as I knew, he'd seemed cool, and then he was a jackass, permanently, and I was in trouble all the time. But when he first turned abusive, I did think -- This isn't who he was before! I must have made him so angry! What am I doing wrong! I have to fix this right now! (Which later became: Fabulous, he's pissed off about something again and now I have to pretend to care so that maybe, in four hours, he'll let me go home after demanding physical affection and telling me what a frigid bitch I am.)
As I said, I never liked my boyfriend very much, because he was -- a douchebag of a human being, and then also an asshole abuser. But in the confusing slide between "oh my gosh, I have my first boyfriend?" and "why do I feel like shit all the time," the way he'd suddenly get sulky, petulant, complaining, angry, dangerous when I fucked up... I did think I must have done something very wrong, because there was a marked personality shift. And then I just pissed him off all the time and that became the default, so I wanted out. (But of course it took me forever and in the end I just goaded him into breaking up with me -- he thought it would be punishment -- because I was too frightened to say, "I want out of this relationship.") What I'm trying to say is that -- excuse though it may seem, I do think I understand where that Jekyll/Hyde sense comes from, and I only barely experienced it. Had my abuser been the more classic type and actually been sweet after blow ups, I think I'd have seen the pattern even more. As it was, I caught myself saying the same lines every abused woman does, including -- "I don't even understand, one moment we're fine and then he's telling me I used the wrong tone and I don't even know why I'm apologizing, but I am."
12/03/09
I don't think acknowledging that my ex and I had good times together in addition to the years of abuse excuses his behavior. It just allows me to see how I fell in love with him, and how those mixed feelings combined with fear made it so hard to leave.
It's the most terrifying thing: that the man who cooks you breakfasts, spends an hour brushing your hair, lays with you under the stars talking about the future, can be the same man that beats you. His is the same person, but it doesn't feel that way when you remember the good and the bad.
12/03/09
12/03/09
The reason I can't quite comprehend this is because my father left when I was young and as soon as my sense of security is threatened, I am done. Years of therapy have finally paid off and I'm in the best, healthiest relationship of my life. This man has never raised his voice, let alone his hand. As much as I love him, I have little doubt that old flight mechanism would kick in if he ever did.
But hell, maybe I'm wrong.
12/03/09
My current boyfriend punched a wall once (fighting with his brother, long story) and I cowered against a wall instinctively. It's a hard thing to overcome once you've experienced abuse or abandonment. I'm glad therapy helped and you are in such a healthy relationship!
12/03/09
# wow.. the world is so onesided.. case closed?.. just like that?
7:07 AM Dec 2nd from mobile web
12/03/09
12/03/09
When I know you're only sorry you got caught.
12/03/09
12/03/09
Nobody gives a shit how you "feel," asshole. Why don't you let everyone know how WRONG and UNACCEPTABLE your behavior was instead.
12/03/09
12/03/09
This is total abuser-speak. It's often something these guys tell the women they're abusing to further the idea that it's she, the abused woman, who is causing the abuser to act this way, because clearly he's never been driven to do so before. "I've never had to hit any of my past girlfriends. You must really be fucking up!"
Ugh. He has remorse for being caught and not being able to get away with it. Rihanna herself has said that their was abuse in their past, and that this wasn't an isolated incident. CB has YEARS of therapy ahead of him if he is to ever truly understand the brutality of his behavior. Until then, he should shut up and stay out of the public eye with his crocodile tears.
12/03/09
Also, he does have a history of violence. It's called his father beating the shit out of his mother on the regular.
12/03/09
So, I have a proposal for you, little Ike Turner. Go get yourself some help and stay out of the public eye. I don't care that you had an abusive family. You should know better than anyone that violence is destructive and "not the answer." If you feel so bad, make a sincere effort to change your life. Don't keep spouting insincere apologies so transparent I wouldn't know if they hit my windshield.
12/03/09
12/03/09
gtt gt bttr gnt. thrws, ll ths btngs jst fl lk wst f tm...
12/03/09
12/03/09
The phrase "IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU" applies (with a clue hammer) here, I think.
12/03/09