Swarm of Evil Fish Injures 70 Swimmers in Christmas Day Foot Attack

A species of piranha known as Pygocentrus palometa (maybe—"validity questionable," says Wikipedia) is reportedly responsible for a number of injuries to swimmers in Argentina on Christmas day. The area was experiencing a holiday heat wave, so people headed to the beach to cool off...and promptly got their toes chomped by a bunch of dickwad fish.

Via HuffPo:

A swarm of biting fish injured more than 70 people who were bathing at a popular beach in Argentina on Christmas, a medical official said on Thursday.

A seven-year-old girl had her finger partially amputated and dozens more suffered bite wounds on their extremities from the fish, a relative of the piranha called "palometas," said Federico Cornier, the director of emergency services in the city of Rosario.

"This is not normal," Cornier said on television. "It's normal for there to be an isolated bite or injury, but the magnitude in this case was great ... this is an exceptional event."

Ugh, that's awful. HUGE sympathy to everyone whose holiday/love of swimming was ruined.

Like, hey water, could you maybe do me a solid and not confirm all of my paranoid apprehensions about the terrors that lurk in your depths? And on Christmas!? Everyone knows that piranhas are nature's atheists—they probably say "happy holidays" and insist that Santa has scales too. Dicks. #WarOnFishmas

Image via Getty.