Surgeons Spend Valuable Time Determining Perfect Belly Button Shape

Today in What's Wrong With Your Body: Belly buttons! Surgeons at the University of Singapore have analyzed a whole bunch of them to find out what makes them perfect and guess what? Whatever it is is probably the opposite of what you have. HATE YOURSELF, YOU MONSTER.

Using the belly buttons of 37 Playboy Playmates for their research (off to a good start), the doctors determined that the ideal belly button, according to Today,

...has a vertical ratio of 46:54, a midline horizontal position, a length that is 5 percent of the length from the xiphoid process (the lower part of the breastbone) to the lower limit of the vulvar cleft, and an oval shape with no hooding (29.8 percent) or superior hooding (21.6 percent).

In other words, some tummy scar pits are better than other tummy scar pits. And outies, apparently, are out. Also: this is fucking dumb.

Image via Shutterstock.