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Wow, La Doocy and The Sad Puppets (otherwise known as the painful morning "news" show Fox & Friends) report on something that doesn't make us want to stab our eyes out! A robber held a knife up to a woman's throat as he attempted to rob a convenience store, only to be chased out by the formidable female and ex-Marine. The woman, Karen, says there was "no hesitation" although she admits that chasing down a robber with a weapon probably wasn't the smartest thing to do. The best part is that the whole thing was captured by the convenience store's security cameras. Clip above. More »
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Our favorite Fox & Friends commentator Steve Doocy had this to say about coaching his daughters in sports: "With boys they actually want to play and hit the ball. With girls, girls don’t really want to play these sports. They just want to hang out. Being a coach for girls is like herding cats." We would tell Steve to herd those metaphorical cats straight up his ass, but we're ladies. [Think Progress] More »
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Fox & Friends is claiming, for the second time in as many weeks, that the only people who hate Sarah Palin are "elite" New York City women. Hostess Gretchen Carlson, who refers to herself "as somebody in the female persuasion," just doesn't understand the hatred, because Sarah Palin isn't "going to ruin your life." In addition to Carlson's commentary, our old buddy Steve Doocy says that a lot of New York women figure, "she's from a big state with not that many people and I'm better than her." Well this elite New York woman wants to correct your grammar. Better than she, Steve, better than she. More »
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The McCain campaign, led by Nancy Pfotenhauer Pfuckingsucks, started its war of expectation management today by attacking the moderator of this Thursday's VP debate, PBS' Gwen Ifill. Pfuckingsucks told Fox & Friends Steve Doocy that "normally, in Vice Presidential debates, you see a more even-handed approach" to picking questions about foreign and domestic policy. Oh really? Let's check that out. More »
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In honor of international talk like a pirate day, the remainder of this list will be conducted in pirate speak. Thank you for yourrrrrr support, landlubbers.

• Aye, we told you how not t' get int' our pants. Aye, me parrot concurs.
• Ahoy, Project Runway contestant Joe's Dress: Becky Home Ecky!
• Aye, we started a culture war with Fox News' Ste'e Doocy. A pence for an old man o'de sea?

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So remember that irate screed I wrote about how angry Sarah Palin makes me and many other women? Well apparently Fox News noticed it — a few weeks too late? — and they're calling me out. Apparently I "bug" anchor Steve Doocy, and I should be angry at Barack Obama, not Sarah Palin, because Barack didn't pick "my candidate" Hillary Clinton for Vice President, and by his logic, Palin wouldn't have been nominated if Clinton had been chosen. Yeah…okay. They also called my anger "Upper West Side Manhattan anger" [Code for "she's a Jew!" -Ed.] that is not reflective of the rest of the country. I pissed off Fox News — my mommy will be so proud! PS, they couldn't even get the graphics right. They attribute someone else's quote to me. Clip above. More »
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Aw, look at that! It is a cute little puppeh on the otherwise disaster-filled morning show, Fox & Friends. Oh but wait, don't think a cute segment about co-host Brian Kilmeade's new puppy could slip through the producer's hands without being turned into something completely unwatchable. First there is the generous helping of no less than 14 different sound effects playing as Kilmeade and co-host Gretchen Carlson desperately try to talk through the segment (a sampling: The whistle theme from Lassie, dog barking, and a gun shot). And then there is weatherman/co-host Steve Doocy's anger at being upstaged by something cute which he maturely deals with by whistling over Kilmeade and Carlson and then mocking Kilmeade for not having picked out a puppy name quick enough. Someone wants attention! As Anna put it: "Leave it to Fox News to make a cute puppy segment annoying." Clip above. More »
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