New Hampshire state legislators currently fighting for a bill to ban women from whipping out their nipples in public places just want to protect children and families from the sight of bare titties at public libraries and Little League games, okay? OKAY?

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You might remember HB 1525-FN, sponsored by State Reps. Brian Gallagher, Peter Spanos, George Hurt, and Josh Moore, which would add female nipple exposure to the state’s existing public indecency laws, making it a misdemeanor for women specifically. (Motivated in part by a very small “Free the Nipple” protest at a local beach, these gentlemen generously make an exemption for breastfeeding mothers.) When State Rep. Amanda Bouldin noted how dumb this was—coming from the supposed party of small government, after all—on her Facebook, she got hassled by male colleagues, including Moore.

Well, the Associated Press checks in with this crew of crusaders as they advocate for the bill:

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“It’s a shame that some folks are more concerned with exposing their breasts in public places than they are concerned about how families and children may be impacted by being forced to experience this evolving societal behavior,” Republican Rep. Brian Gallagher told a legislative committee. “This is about a movement to change the values of New Hampshire society.”

Think of the children, okay? You know, the children who, if they have younger siblings, are probably used to seeing nipples in the context of their younger siblings being fed and therefore find them about as shocking as a teakettle or a toaster. Those children must be protected—from nipples!

Look, it’s really important not to embolden the nipples:

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At Monday’s public hearing, backers of the legislation cautioned that allowing women to go topless at beaches will create a slippery slope where women are going topless at public libraries and Little League baseball games. Gallagher and Rep. Peter Spanos, a co-sponsor of the bill, said New Hampshire could lose tourism dollars if women are wandering public places with their breasts uncovered.

You laugh, but if these brave men don’t take action, New Hampshire—a state that is cold enough to require coats approximately nine months out of the year—will be neck-deep in bare nipples. Count on it.


Contact the author at kelly@jezebel.com.

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