Jezebel: Starbucks

This Five-Year-Old Girl's Thoughts on Famous Logos Will Blow Your Mind

Cassie Murdoch — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 23:15:00 EST

Soon You'll Be Able to Get Wasted at Starbucks

Cassie Murdoch — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 21:00:00 EST

As if their complete control over your morning addiction wasn't enough, Starbucks has now announced it's going to start selling booze at some of its cafes during the evening. Oh, this is going to be good—you'll be able to get hammered at night and then sober up on a venti caramel macchiato the next morning. (Or if they really go all out, a venti bloody mary.) The only bummer is that you'll probably have to wait a little while before you can start getting sloshed at your local Starbucks. More »

'Sunbucks Coffee', 'Panburger Partner' And Other Shitty Knockoff Brands

Lane Moore — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 14:35:00 EST

It's hard to tell if Michael Alone is a McDonald's knockoff or just a poor translation, but either way, these butchered brands are right up my "you couldn't think of a more original name?" alley. More »

Starbucks Will Now Sell You All Of Your Liquids

Cassie Murdoch — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 18:05:00 EST

Coffee megachain Starbucks has announced that it's paid $30 million (or the price of approximately ten trenta pumpkin spice lattes) to acquire high-end juice company Evolution Fresh. According to the Wall Street Journal, this is all part of it's plan to expand and achieve world juice domination: More »

Starbucks Terrified Climate Change Will Put Them Out Of Business

Lane Moore — Sun, 16 Oct 2011 16:55:00 EDT

For those of you who haven't yet found a reason to be worried about the effects of climate change, maybe this will work. More »

Starbucks Pays $75,000 For Firing Dwarf Barista

Margaret Hartmann — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 23:56:00 EDT

Starbucks will pay $75,000 to settle a disability discrimination lawsuit filed when a barista who has dwarfism was fired after asking for a stool. During Elsa Sallard's training in 2009, a manager decided that she would pose a danger to customer and employees and let her go. In addition to the settlement, Starbucks will provide training on disability issues to managers and supervisors at stores in El Paso, Texas. More »

Starbucks Fires Dwarf For Being Too Short

Margaret Hartmann — Tue, 17 May 2011 23:30:00 EDT

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission is suing Starbucks for firing a woman who has dwarfism in July 2009. After three days of barista training, the woman was fired from an El Paso store on the same day she asked for a stool or small stepladder to perform her job. The government says Starbucks violated federal law by failing to provide the woman with reasonable accommodation. However, the company says she had only been hired on a trial basis, and a manager determined she could be a danger to customers and workers. "Using the stool in that environment just wasn't a reasonable accommodation in that store," said a company spokeswoman. More »

Starbucks To Begin Selling Individually Sized Coffee Vats

Erin Gloria Ryan — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 18:00:00 EST

Responding to what I can only assume is overwhelming consumer demand for MOAR COFFEE, Starbucks is going to begin selling its 31-ounce "trenta" size in US stores on May 3rd. America, fuck yeah! More »

The Starbucks Siren Is The Most Powerful Woman In The World

Dodai Stewart — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 14:25:30 EST

Starbucks has changed its logo to feature a close up on the Siren, alone, without any lettering. She's a creature who doesn't need to explain herself! More »

Starbucks Explores Possibility Of Selling Beer & Wine

Margaret Hartmann — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 09:23:00 EDT

A Starbucks in Seattle has started selling local wine and beer in an effort to increase evening business. If it succeeds, future stores may serve more food items like cheeses and cured meats and feature seating at the barista bar. More »

DC Starbucks Will Switch To Gender-Neutral Restrooms

Anna North — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 16:26:00 EDT

Next week, DC-area Starbucks locations will replace all their "men's" and "women's" bathroom signs with gender-neutral ones. The move is a big step for trans rights, and more businesses should follow Starbucks's example. More »

An American Woman In Saudi Arabia

Irin Carmon — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 14:00:00 EDT

In Afghanistan, a warlord tried to get into a Los Angeles Times foreign correspondent's bed one morning. In Saudi Arabia, reporting while young and female was a bit more complicated. More »

Richie Sambora's Clothing Line As Tacky As Expected; Sketch Of Madonna's Juniors Collection Released

Jenna Sauers — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 11:40:00 EDT

Richie Sambora's latest collection for his line White Trash Beautiful, includes this snake-print "zip-crotch leotard," perfect for lounging. [Vogue UK]
Gary Coleman was planning a children's clothing line when he died, allegedly. Sounds like a project for Scott Baio! [Radaronline]

Tricks Of The Trade

Katy Kelleher — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 12:40:00 EST

Coffee snobs would like you to know that your cup o' joe is probably crap. Or just "good." But don't worry, you can "camouflage the defects" in your non-Starbucks branded brew (yup, they got top scores) by adding milk. [NYPost] More »

Starbucks Thinks People Who Yell At Townhalls Have Discriminating Taste In Coffee

Lindsay Robertson — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 16:20:00 EDT

Starbucks is hoping we'll take the word of "people who yell at town hall meetings" on the taste of their new instant coffee product, Via. As for this campaign, I can't taste the difference between "too soon" and "too ineffective." More »

Something's Brewing

Anna Holmes — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:50:00 EDT

[New York, September 21. Image via INF]

Juliette Lewis: The Way She Sees It...

Anna Holmes — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 15:50:00 EDT

[New York, April 6. Image via INF]

Kim Kardashian: Egg-Cellent

Anna Holmes — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 15:10:00 EDT

[Los Angeles, April 6. Image via INF]

So Sorry

Maria — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 09:40:00 EDT

Three Chinese dairy companies have publicily apologized for their involvement in the melamine-tainted milk scandal that has rocked China and put nearly 10,700 children in the hospital. China's quality watchdog says new tests on baby formula across the country have shown no new cases of melamine contamination. The Ministry of Agriculture will still be overseeing quality controls and clean-ups in milk stations across the country to ensure the highest level of quality control. [Reuters] More »

McDonald's Commercial Paints Women As Dumb Poseurs

Dodai Stewart — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 16:30:00 EDT

There's a new McDonald's commercial (which comes to our attention via a reader tip) called "Intellectuals." It begins with two women "reading" newspapers in an upscale, Starbucksian-establishment. The first woman says, "You know, I heard McDonald's is making lattes now." The other woman says: "McDonald's? Well that's just…it's fantastic!" Woman 1 replies: "Now we don't have to listen to jazz all day long!" Woman 2 concurs: "I can start wearing heels again!" Eventually, one woman admits, "I don't know where Paraguay is!" Get it? They're sick of pretending to be classy, café-loving intellectual ladies. They want to be "regular" American women! In other words, they want to be idiots. More »

Sarah Palin And Indulging In "The Liquor Cabinet"

Megan Carpentier — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 10:00:00 EDT

It is way-back week on Crappy Hour, when my first Crappy Love, Moe Tkacik, agrees to relive our original blogospheric passion for a full five days! Today's edition — for which we decided to stay up late, get drunk, and parse the headlines rather than get up early and hungover — includes my embarrassing encounter with David Gregory, the origins of human life, the First Dude, rumors, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin, David Broder, laughable Safire-ian stupidity, teabagging and the comparison between Governor Palin's leaky vagina and my own. Yeah, this is what sort of happens when Moe and I drink together. More »

Morning Head (Start)

Moe — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 09:20:00 EDT

Shalom readers, consider this your prelude to a Crap. Today Obama is still in the United States of Military Contractors on a world tour that should poll extra well with the undecideds since nine US soldiers were killed there last week. Of course, his trip is mostly a big photo-op during which nothing really important besides the requisite "Important people meet on gigantic chairs placed so far away from one another they should ha ha name them Undignitaries" is going to happen, and the really important news is that communities are banding together to save their Starbuckses. Please also note the um cojones it takes to adequately represent the legal interests of 16 Yemenis at Gitmo, as David Remes is doing in the picture. Finally, click for the best 300 words we read this morning, on how the American economy is sort of like an obese drunk gambler on multitrillion dollar tilt to whom the Asians can't stop lending money because they just like playing with him too much. More »

Leona Helmsley's Dog May Not Talk, But He Can Sort Of Explain The Recession

Moe — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 10:00:00 EDT

Today's evidence the economy is going straight to the Inferno: 600 Starbucks stores are closing, which will leave a gaping hole in the anchor of countless strip malls and exurban power centers. Oil prices have sunk car sales and rentals to historic lows, and the fact no one is traveling anymore has left casinos struggling to pay the power bills. How did the whole world collapse so quickly? If only Leona Helmsley's dog could talk, folks! (Nobody knows the trouble Trouble has seen.) See, fundamentally not much has changed, but the nature of the market is to exaggerate. Oil prices, which should maybe be around $100 a barrel, have been driven up by speculators. GM stock is at a 53-year low over car sales that are only at a 10-year low. Casinos are power-greedy structures that are generally loaded down with a few billion dollars in debt before they even open and there are 11,500 Starbucks locations that will stick around to sate your dependence on caffeinated milkshakes. But as Leona Helmsley once pointed out, only the little people pay taxes, and only the little people really have to worry about this recession stuff. Dick Grasso is keeping his $140 million payout, the CEO of Starbucks is keeping his billion dollar net worth, and little Trouble here is keeping his $100,000-a-year bodyguard services. That, torture and Obama's mortgage with me and Megan after the jump. More »

Right Now Is About When I Shoot People Who Tell Me They're Worried About Their "Caffeine Addictions"

Moe — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 17:00:00 EDT

You know what I fucking hate? (And yeah this is tangentially related to a substantive news report regarding the topic that you can read if you like to, you know, learn facts.) Moving on I hate people who tell me they're trying to cut back on caffeine. People who will stand around being all drowsy and shit because they're trying to detox from coffee. Seriously, fuck those people. They always make a big deal out of it because, duh, people who haven't had their coffee have a lot to make excuses about, but like, you seriously expect my empathy? You expect my empathy and caffeine is your addiction? Sure, Starbucks with its 400 milligram Ventis has hooked unprecedented numbers of Americans on unprecedented quantities of caffeine. And LOOK AT THE SOCIETAL CONSEQUENCES! Like how America suddenly has a burgeoning employment sector that doesn't consist of "taking care of sick people"!! Because, guess what, coffee doesn't do anything especially bad! It actually turns out to prevent skin cancer and certain autoimmune disorders and shooting yourself in the temple just to put an end to the misery of having to get out of bed every 24 hours! More »

Heidi Klum Loves A Struggling Underclass In Uniform!

Jennifer — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 11:30:00 EDT

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"I go to the same Starbucks every day in Beverly Hills and they're like, 'Can you please tell them that we want to have new outfits?'...I sit in American Airlines, same thing. I get it all the time. Those chains or big companies, they always come to me." Imagine: the entire American service industry remade in the image of Heidi Klum! [Sassybella]

Jesus Died On The Cross So You Would Tip Your Damn Barista, Fox News

Moe — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:30:09 EDT

I generally love watching Fox News, if only because watching it is not nearly as mindnumbing as subjecting yourself to those "There's the week, there's the weekend, and then there's the day when I would rather listen to Celine Dion in hell than watch this commercial again and that day came a LONG TIME AGO" New York Times ads that lord over CNN, but all day most of its anchors have been on this preposterous rant about Starbucks tipping sparked by a ruling in California court that requires the company to pay $100 million in lost tips to baristas. (Starbucks didn't keep the tips for itself, but it allowed shift supervisors and managers to share them, which violates the law and also prompts the question as to, if the company is so worried about reclaiming its lost culture, why it doesn't pay managers more.) But the issue: not a single person on Fox seems to think tipping at Starbucks is appropriate. In fact, they seemed truly astonished that actually giving such tips was such a widely-shared practice that, even in a guilty liberal state like California, the money in question could ever amount to more than a few thousand bucks. And the astonishing rationale behind this shared opinion: that the coffee costs so damn much already. More »

Barack Obama Defended By Mike Huckabee, Still No Word From Grandma

Moe — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 18:30:00 EDT

Obama's slightly racist grandma is not dead, she just doesn't feel like commenting on his speech apparently. Here is a picture of her clutching her grandson for fear of being beaten up by darker-skinned black men. No just kidding, it's just a graduation picture. Sorry to drag you into this, Madelyn Dunham.

Resolved: William F. Buckley Jr. Is Dead

Moe — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 18:30:11 EST

The somewhat pompous William F. Buckley, Jr. died, raising to almost Buckley-esque heights the brow of the average AP story sentence: "Yet on the platform he was all handsome, reptilian languor, flexing his imposing vocabulary ever so slowly, accenting each point with an arched brow or rolling tongue and savoring an opponent's discomfort with wide-eyed glee."

Reader Roundup

Jessica G. — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 16:40:00 EST

Best Comment of the Day, in response to Ooooooh Mommy: Cosmo Said The "Jay-Jay" Word!: "By the way, does anyone else's vagina smell like Starbucks' French Roast? Cause I'm a little concerned." We say: You should be concerned. Soccer moms, Olsen twins and sleep-deprived med students will start chasing you down, trying to stuff packets of Splenda into your ladyflower. • Worst, in response to Female Radio Exec: Chicks Don't "Think" About Music: "Music is the motivation for my every move, but you don't need to understand it. i prefer that you don't even notice (and for those that think the same, you know it's better that way)." We say: someone has been listening to way too much Enya on weed. More »

Paul Rudd Located! At Obama Rally In...Kansas City?

Moe — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 18:40:13 EST

The New York Post endorses Barack Obama — for the primary. [NY Post]

Coffee: Causes Miscarriage, Helps Ovaries, And Makes You Fat

Jessica G. — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 09:30:00 EST

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Okay, remember the reports earlier this week that coffee and caffeine can terminate a pregnancy and protect ovaries from cancer? Well, news reports today suggest that all that java is making women fat. A report issued by British consumer watchdog group Which? says that "a Starbucks large white chocolate mocha with whipped cream and made with whole milk was found to contain 628 calories - nearly a third of the recommended daily amount for women." (Emphasis ours.) More »

Just in time to bring a jolting halt to...

Moe — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 14:45:00 EST

Just in time to bring a jolting halt to the pregnancy you can't afford to go through with in a recession, Starbucks is experimenting with selling $1 cups of coffee. (Oh wait, that was offensive. Sorry.) Whatever, the $1 cups of coffee are the oft-discussed, rarely-seen "short" cups that, at 8 ounces, were not that popular before they were taken off the menu in the late nineties to make way for the "venti." They're also planning on giving free refills on some drinks. Meanwhile in San Francisco, some representative of the other side of the widening income gap brings you a $20,000 coffee maker. [WSJ] More »

Rachael Ray On Dunkin Donuts Coffee: "What Is This Shit??"

Moe — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 13:00:05 EST

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This just in from the set of Rachael Ray's latest Dunkin Donuts commercial, according to a New York Magazine tipster: "She took one sip of her Dunkin' Donuts coffee, yelled "What is this shit? Get me MY coffee," and would not continue until she was given "her" coffee — i.e., Starbucks." Fascinating. On one hand, I always love it when celebrities shill products they hate. A few years back when Reebok was inking endorsement contracts with pretty much every vaguely hip-hop centric artist on the Hot 100, Jay-Z and Fabulous were always fucking with them, showing up to gigs in Nikes. (Jay-Z pulled the same shit on HP last week — he's a Mac user; aren't we fucking all?) But yeah, on the other hand, slavish devotion to brands, especially brands like Starbucks and Nike but really, any of those stupid little "culty" laptop bag brands or organic shampoo brands you hear people raving about at marketing conferences and in airports in Portland. But then, on the other other hand, coffee is seriously important, maybe more important than politics or philosophy, and with all the discussion of drinking habits on this site I can't believe I'd never posed the question: how do you take your coffee? It's a poll! More »

Fergie's Getting Hitched

Jennifer — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 09:30:00 EST

Fergie and actor Josh Duhamel are engaged. We hope Fergie didn't wet her pants when he proposed! [People]

Bunnies & Kitties & Squid, Oh My

Jennifer — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 19:00:29 EDT

Nursing-home kitty Oscar the Cat (aka 'The Grim Reaper' of felines) is predicting nursing-home deaths at a facility in Rhode Island with almost 100% accuracy. [Breitbart]

Project Runway's Michael Knight's Summer 2007 Sellout

Jennifer — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 18:12:14 EDT

Poor Michael 'Mychael' Knight. We loved him on Project Runway, Season 3. That Pam Grier-inspired outfit! (The only time we've ever wanted to don shorts in our entire life.) And he loves his mom. Sure, our faith in him started to waver in the finale, with his god-awful runway show. But even then we gave him the benefit of the doubt: Like, if anything we were sure his flop at the series' end was a sign of guaranteed success. You know, just like how Ruben Studdard won American Idol but Clay became the chart-shatterer? Yeah. Well, then we saw this. 'Mychael'. And his 5-look fashion show. Sponsored by, uh, Starbucks. Oh well, there's always The Surreal Life to aspire to! More »

Tom Ford Knows All The Words To "Last Dance"

Jennifer — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 10:17:48 EDT

Don't be deceived by Tom Ford's manivorous, cooler-than-thou 'tude: The guy had no friends in college and loves Donna Summers. [Vogue UK]

Starbucks Chairman Howard Schultz, Please Bring Back The Whole Milk

Moe — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 12:49:34 EDT

Dear Chairman Schultz: More »

How Sex Explains The News.....Starbucks Edition

Moe — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 11:57:09 EDT

People keep sending us stories like this and this about Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz fretting about his gargantuan cinnamon dolce cash cow losing its "soul," namely because we used to be a Starbucks barista, number 229695 to be precise, and we didn't post about it, because it had nothing to do with the fairer sex really, until we happened upon a reminder that like everything, it totally did. More »