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With the exception of 14-year-old boys, most people don't like to talk about what comes out of their bum. Add cancer to the mix and you've got a topic no one wants to touch with a 10-foot poll — unless it's represented by a lovable piece of shit! A woman named Michelle L. Dobrawsky is asking Matt Stone and Trey Parker to allow Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo to become the "spokesturd" for rectal cancer. She writes: More »
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In this week's compilation of pop culture crap, Steven Tyler judges an American Idol contestant's ass, Julie Chen explains her eyes, and interspecies love between a dog and a baby raccoon. More »
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• Lynne and Jamie Spears have reunited eight years after their divorce. They were spotted dancing to Britney's music in L.A. over the weekend. Apparently, nothing brings people together like hearing their daughter sing about "a taste of poison paradise."

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On last night's episode of South Park, Jersey-based reality stars—like the Real Housewives and Snooki—moved into the Colorado town, wreaking havoc by flipping over tables, starting fights in hair salons, and partying in hot tubs. More »
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Explains Colette of designer Castelbajac: "Since more than forty years, he creates…The look of Farah Fawcett in 'Charly Angels' but also the dresses of Jean-Paul II pope and surprising us. After Bambi, Obama, he is interesting by another American institution!" More »
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Comedy Central has pulled scenes from an episode of South Park that recently drew the ire of a radical Islamic website after depicting the Prophet Muhammad in a bear suit. The episode has been re-aired, but with images censored. [ArtsBeat] More »
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Trey Parker and Matt Stone have received a "warning" from a radical Islamic website that the "likely outcome" of their depiction of Muhammad (dressed in a bear suit) on a recent episode of South Park is murder. [FoxNews] More »
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• According to an unconfirmed report on an unreliable website and repeated by a newspaper, Beyoncé is pregnant.

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• Kate Gosselin's lawyer, Mark Momjian, claims that Jon Gosselin is earning money outside of the family's TLC show and that Kate is entitled to a piece of it, especially after Jon drained the couple's joint bank account. [Radar]

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• In Rolling Stone's upcoming Michael Jackson tribute issue, Brooke Shield reveals, "There were times when he would ask me to marry him..."

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• While picking up Michael Jackson from the hospital, his driver sideswiped an ambulance. Police say the suspect was driving "a dark colored SUV" that was "being followed by a group of paparazzi." Sounds like MJ!

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• Scarlett Johansson blogged about tabloid accusations that she's losing weight in preparation for Iron Man 2. She writes: "If I were to lose 14 pounds, I'd have to part with both arms. And a foot."

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Last week, caught up in April Fools' Day revelry, we failed to mention the South Park episode "Eat, Pray, Queef," about the double standard women face when it comes to queefing versus farting. More »
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A piece of notebook paper once told me who I would marry. Actually this happened many times, revealing many different grooms, but my faith in the fortune-telling powers of cootie-catchers was never shaken. More »
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• An English cat named Frankie has been accused of stealing 35 soft toys from neighboring houses over the past year. • Vets in Boston have performed an unusual surgery in which they reattached a 4-year-old cat's face following a brutal accident involving a car's fan belt. • A new US law states that freight ships must slow down to 11.5 mph when traveling through parts of the North Atlantic, where right whales migrate from New England to Florida. • More »
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• Lindsay Lohan says that she and Samantha Ronson are still going strong, and if they were to break up, we'd hear it from the mouths of babes, or rather, Lindsay's MySpace blog. "all in all-[paparazzi] should just stop asking altogether, once and for all if she and i are broken up because frankly, if we ever ever did…. i would say it before they could even think of asking. i'd say it here probably… i say everything here on myspace." [Perez ]
• Madonna is suing the British tabloid Mail on Sunday for publishing photos of her wedding to Guy Ritchie. Yes, the wedding took place 8 years ago, but for some reason, the Mail printed the photos on October 18th of this year, and now Madge wants £5 million because the photos were stolen from her Beverly Hills home. Is Madge really that hard up for cash these days? [BBC]

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I will be the first person to admit that I have a sick sense of humor. I never lose a gross-out contest, I revel in inappropriate jokes and I consider, when telling a joke, a look of horror as nearly as good as getting a laugh. But I often hear from people — men and women — that rape jokes are never, ever funny. Well, I would like to disagree — and to point out that even some people who swear that this is true can find one that they like. But, furthermore, by putting sexual assault on a kind of untouchable comedy pedestal, I think we're getting further away from allowing victims to be able to make it a normative, discuss-able and, yes, mock-able experience, and that the more different we make it and ourselves from victims of other situations, the more difficult it is the get actual equity in the way the rest of society treats it. More »
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This week's episode of South Park parodied the film Stand and Deliver, the true story of high school math teacher Jaime Escalante (played by Edward James Olmos), who taught calculus in East L.A. In a turn of events, Cartman was hired to teach a class at an inner city school and — dressed like Mr. Olmos — he taught the kids that the only way to get ahead in life is to follow the example of white people and cheat. At one point, a female student breaks down and cries because she's pregnant, and Cartman consoles her by telling her he'll take her for an abortion, because that's just what young white girls do when they get pregnant! Clip above. More »
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Remember that South Park episode that spoofed that sci-fi, fanboy-jerk-off-material movie Heavy Metal? Here's a clip from the original, in which a woman has sex with a robot and decides to get married to it after "experiencing ecstasy with mechanical equipment." It's kinda NSFW due to naked cartoon breasts.
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Last night's episode of South Park was a take on Salvia, that legal drug that kids can take that make them freak out and fall over, only to wake up and find that their friends had immortalized their trip on YouTube. In the episode, the kids learn they can get high from inhaling cat urine, so Kenny tries it out. He quickly becomes addicted when he discovers that tripping on cat urine brings him into the universe of the 1981 movie Heavy Metal, where everything is pretty much boobs. The song from the movie, "Heavy Metal (Takin' a Ride)" might be our favorite new track. Clip above. More »
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Tomorrow's Christmas, or, as I knew it throughout my childhood, that day when I'm bored and nothing is open. I'm 100% Heeb, and my mother was so anti-Christmas that we didn't even do the stereotypical Jew things like eat Chinese food and go to the movies. Doing those things would be a tacit acknowledgment that Christmas existed, and my mom wasn't about to kowtow to the status quo. I've elided all my severe Christmas envy into one mental image: me, at eight, pressing my hooked nose against the window panes of our Christian neighbors' houses as they embraced around the tree, tearing the wrapping paper off their brand new Nintendos in some sweater-clad, ritualized, yuletide orgy. More »
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