Someone Invented a Baby Wig, So Your Little Girl Won't Be Bald

I’m pretty sure that we as a society have just officially beat our own record of “youngest age to expose a child to daft and absurd gender policing.” We’ve done it, guys. We have all contributed to a world in which something like “the baby wig” can exist.

Baby Bangs!, as the infernal creations are called, are “made just for little girls,” according to the product’s website. What is the function of a pair of Baby Bangs!? To let your infant daughter tell the world, “I’m not a boy!”, duh. They’re billed as “a very comfortable, extremely natural-looking, fun and fashionable hair accessory/alternative for mothers with baby girls who have very little or no hair.” Because god knows how much damage being bald could do to a newborn’s self-esteem.

Here’s some more insight into the company’s philosophy:

At Baby Bangs! we believe in the beauty of childhood. Our unique designs are sprinkled with MAGIC! ~inspiring a world of whimsical wonder and mystical magical memorable moments for you and your baby girl to cherish Forever! For she is, and always will be,
Your LiTTLe PRINCESS!

So the princess dogma is starting at such a young age that a newborn’s natural (downy-headed) state is somehow undesirable? Is the window of time during which a woman’s physical appearance isn’t subjected to constant scrutiny and held up to strict standards going to narrow so much that all fetuses will need beautiful virtual makeovers (if so, I’m really adept at them so you can email me on my work account for the hook-up)? And just what is so horrifying about having your sweet little lump of newborn human mistaken for the opposite gender? Babies all look the same; that’s kind of their thing. It’s not only unnecessary, but also pretty much insane, to start forcing cosmetic enhancements on a child too young to even have hair on her head.