Sex writers, on the surface, seem to have a great life. They write about the best, most pleasurable topic in human existence and seem to have an all around good time in the process. Not only that, but sometimes they get cool free shit to test out (vibrators, dildos, etc.) Then sometimes they have to ask their spouses to fuck a robot.
Tracy Clark-Flory, a sex columnist for Salon, talked her husband into trying out a new product from Kickstarter, the Autoblow2. My first reaction to this story was, "What exactly went wrong with the Autoblow1 and shouldn't this man be concerned about that?"
The Autoblow2, which was released today, is, according to its website, "THE CROWDFUNDED BLOWJOB ROBOT EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT!" Picture a Fleshlight, that infamous pleasure tube with the fake labia on one end. Now imagine that inside the Fleshlight is deafeningly loud machinery that causes a pair of rings to grip the artificial-skin sleeve and move up and down at varying speeds. In other words, imagine a Fleshlight that does the work for you. Sounds brilliant, sounds awesome, sounds like THE FUTURE — until the future is on your genitals, sounding like it might spontaneously combust.
Here's how Beta Beat describes the product, for those who need this information in their brains:
Unlike a Fleshlight — which is operated by the movement of a user's hand — the Autoblow 2 operates electronically. Users just have to plug it into the wall, insert themselves into the rubbery sleeve, and let the device's beaded rings slide up and down the outside of the sleeve. It's basically a robot blow job.
After reading the terrifying directions, Clark-Flory's husband noted that the device "looks like something that would clean your pool." And then he stuck his dick in it. BRAVE HERO MAN:
He applied the contraption to his junk, went to turn it on and I shouted, "Wait! Is this safe? The likelihood of bodily injury seems very high." Unconcerned, he turned it on, pausing on its slowest setting before increasing the speed. I tilted my head, watching the pale lips and surrounding fake-face. "It looks like you cut off part of a dead chick's face and are boning it," I said. He promptly lost his erection, which makes me feel good about his basic humanity — so thanks, Autoblow2, for that.
Noting that the product sounded like a vacuum (oh dear God), the couple finally gave up on the device. The rest of their rather hilarious story is here. For more information on the Autoblow2, visit their website.
Image via Shutterstock.