So Sorry: Here's Marco Rubio Dressed Like a Chippendale's Dancer :( 

For amateur Rubio spotters, he’s the one doing a totally different dance move than everybody else in front of the O. And, to address the tweeter’s question, if the former molten hotness levels of young Dick Cheney and young John McCain couldn’t goad retro lust-crazed broads n’ gays to vote Republican, a grainy photo from 1989 probably will not.

According to the New York Observer, Rubio’s Chippendales act was a one-time thing; alma mater South Miami Senior High sponsored an annual contest known as “King Cobra,” where male students competed in a flipped beauty pageant for a meaningless title that would, with time, morph into a fun bar or campaign trail anecdote. In 1989, the future balding Senator and Presidential candidate joined with some other members of the football team to compete as strippers. Unfortunately, Rubio’s team didn’t win, which was probably good practice for the sort of loss Rubio will experience during Republican primary season.

Image via screenshot/SNL