Kris Jenner?

Yes.

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Does she dive or use the stairs?

She uses the stairs.

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How do you know?

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Because her hair is dry. Actually, most of her upper body is dry. Anyway, so she gets into a pool...

But why?

To be photographed.

Couldn’t she be photographed somewhere else?

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Sure, but they wanted her in a pool for this.

What is “this,” specifically?

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Love magazine’s advent calendar. She’s day seven.

That doesn’t help me.

Maybe watching day one would help.

You thought that would help me?

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Well, you’re not letting me finish. So Kris Jenner gets into a pool—

How was Kendall Jenner breaking into another Kendall Jenner’s home while wearing a shark costume supposed to give me anything remotely resembling clarity?

You’re not being very open-minded.

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You’re not making any sense. The neurons in my brain have slowed down. Some have stopped firing altogether.

Well if you’ll pay attention for once in your life, maybe you’d learn a thing or two. So. Kris Jenner gets into a pool—

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Is it even her pool?

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It doesn’t matter whose pool it is.

What if she’s trespassing though? What if Kris Jenner goes to jail for trespassing?

Let’s just say, for the sake of finishing this story before we’re dead, that Kris Jenner has been invited to get into this pool.

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OK.

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So she gets into the pool—

Who invited her.

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Love. The magazine.

Why.

For the advent calendar! I’ve told you this already!

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But...Kris Jenner in a pool? That’s not what an advent calendar is!

An advent calendar can be anything these days.

Anything but Kris Jenner in a pool.

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Love disagrees.

Well I think Love is wrong.

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You’ve made that abundantly clear.

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OK, sorry. You were saying? Kris Jenner gets into a pool and...?

Finally. Yes. So Kris Jenner gets into a pool, and Fetty Wap’s “Trap Queen” is playing—

Are you trying to hurt me?

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No! I’m just telling you a story!

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You’re trying to hurt me.

I’m just telling you what happened in this video. Now shut up and let me finish. So Kris Jenner gets into a pool and “Trap Queen” is playing, and she leans on the edge and smiles.

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And then?

And then she moves to another side of the pool, where she sits and smiles.

And that’s it?

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No, she moves to another side—

Where she sits and smiles?

Yes.

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Get out of my house.


Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.

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Image via screengrab.