SNL Reveals What Really Happens When You Tweet 10,000 Times

Just so you know, Edward Norton and Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg are there. And you meet god (who is Woody Harrelson). I’m less than 4,000 away from making out with Edward Norton/actually boring internet strangers to death. How close are you?

This video is an excellent example of what some people think actually happens when they tweet long and hard enough (that’s what she said; I am sorry). But the reality is, nothing happens. Nothing but a possible favorite — listen Twitter friends: a favorite is not a retweet, okay? Do favorites even go anywhere? — or the crushing disappointment of knowing that no one really gives a shit that you bought the entire series of Girlfriends on Amazon last night while gorging on an actual salad bowl full of pudding. (This is an actual thing I did and then documented for the masses.) (The masses gave less than zero shits about it and I also had to have a conversation with my partner about my compulsive spending habits and sugar intake.)

And that’s why you should probably stop tweeting, I should probably stop tweeting and my one friend’s mom who believes that Ebola is caused by Obama should stop tweeting, too. No one cares about how dark you think it is at 4:30 — although, to be fair, it is pretty fucking dark at 4:30 and that really depresses me — and tweeting about it (with a fun “lol” at the end) is just going to lose you followers. God, SNL, why do you have to be so right? And why don’t you put Aidy Bryant in more things? She is my absolute favorite.