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Here I stand, ready to defend my bold stance on sexual relations: they can be fun! If you have someone to have sex with, stop reading this post and do it right now. Unless you’re a millennial, because then you probably don’t even want to.

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Lists of what millennials are doing have become exhausted and we are now coming up with stories about what millennials are not doing. In this case, they are not doing anything freak nasty, and that’s a shame. As fraught with complications and sheet-washing as sex can be, I still think it’s cool and we should all do it when we have a fun, consensual, adult opportunity to.

Though it seems like only yesterday that we were clutching our pearls over millennial hook-up culture, this generation is now being pointed to as the one who will end boinking for all. The Washington Post references a study published on Tuesday in the Archives of Sexual Behavior that says people born in the 1990s are “more than twice as likely to be sexually inactive in their early 20s than the previous generation was, and more likely even than older millennials were at the same age.”

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Um, “older millennials”? My ears are burning! As someone who hasn’t had sex in hjkgdkgwd, this survey feels relevant to my interests. The study says that all millennials (from those who still remember the first time plastic lace chokers came out of a gum ball machine to those who are now buying them on Etsy for $25) have fewer sexual partners than Generation X before them.

There are many culprits accused of stealing our sex drive. Here are the least sad:

  • People understand what consent means and are more comfortable saying no to unwanted sex.
  • We’re busy making money.
  • We’re busy achieving generally.
  • We want more meaningful relationships.
  • We’re on horny killing anti-depressants (use doubled between 1999 and 2012).

Here are the most sad:

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  • We’re busy making money.
  • We’re busy achieving generally.
  • Everyone is on their phones, so awkward silences don’t lead to kissing, just texting.
  • Dating apps make it harder to seduce with anything but the perfect hard body pic.
  • We’re on horny killing anti-depressants (use doubled between 1999 and 2012).

Some things are on both lists for me. These two paragraphs are definitely on the sad list:

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Millennials have been called the most cautious generation - the first to grow up with car seats and bike helmets, the first not allowed to walk to school or go to the playground alone.

The sense of caution sometimes manifests itself as a heightened awareness of emotional pitfalls. For example, many young people speak disparagingly of the messy emotional state love and lust can engender, referring to it as “catching feelings.”

Yes, millennials and their bike helmets, the soft, gentle weaklings who never developed a calloused skull from having their heads rapped repeatedly on the ground during biking accidents. The first generation to hesitate on the precipice above the deep void that is love, refusing to fall. Or even rub on each other for a night.

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If “catching feelings” is a real fear of actual adults, they should know that having sex is much like riding a bike: you should do it a lot, because it gives you strong thighs. As they say in emoji, “heart cat water eggplant.”