Screech Confesses to Using a Stunt Wang In Porn, Is Maybe Not a Dick

Last week Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Breckin Meyer called Dustin Diamond (beloved nerd Screech of Saved By the Bell) "negative" and "such a dick." This week, Diamond, the self-proclaimed "bad boy" of Bayside is biting back with some bombshells of his own. Like the fact that his porno was faked. Is there nothing sacred left in this world?

In an interview with The Daily Beast, which is described as "enthusiastic," "overly-defensive" and "a little manic," Diamond revealed that he wanted to be a nice guy again and that his whole "dick" image was a persona he created to distance himself from Screech and also get roles on Dexter and Breaking Bad. He also told The Daily Beast that Celebrity Fit Club was scripted (say it ain't so Judge Mablean) and that his book, Behind the Bell, doesn't really count as his because he hired a ghostwriter for the thing. I don't think that's how it works, but okay, whatever helps you sleep at night.

Diamond also pointed out that the new lifetime movie about his book (because it's his book when it is convenient for him) is going to be positive and enlightening and maybe a way for him to become friends with some of the cast of Saved By the Bell again, because he didn't mean any of the fake stuff that the French-Canadian guy who ghostwrote his book made up. It was all a joke! Just like his sex video, which Diamond made because, dude, there's gold in them dicks.

Was the sex tape part of the plan, too? To prove that you're not Screech anymore?

Yeah, that was all designed by me. What I didn't foresee was that it would backfire in the way that people would think, "Oh, he's a jerk. He's hard to deal with. He's an ass." I was like, wow, eight weeks of so-called reality TV makes people undo years of how they've grown up with someone. The problem is that I didn't see it from the fan perspective. I saw it from the behind-the-camera eye, because that's what I know. So reality TV, I see the TV part, whereas everyone else sees the reality part. But it was directed reality, scripted reality. It wasn't real. But after doing that I faked the porn, and that was an ordeal.

I'd say doing the porn was an ordeal, yeah.

At the time everyone was doing a sex tape. I thought that it was crazy, because when you grow up in front of the camera you know better. Colin Farrell and Johnny Knoxville and Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson, and then Paris Hilton came out with one. My buddy and I were sitting on the couch and her video came on the news, and they were saying that it was confirmed that she had business relations with this video and was making money off of each one sold. They said it was rumored she made $14 million in revenue from that. So my friend said, "Damn, buddy! A Screech video's gotta be worth at least a million!" I was like, "You know, you might be right!"

So then you did it.

I put the thing together. I got a stunt wang. I'm not an idiot. I'm not going to really put myself out there. So I got a stunt person to come in. And I thought, what if this thing makes $3 million? That's nothing to scoff at. But after that people looked at me dirty, like, "He does porn." No, I don't! I faked that one at a chance for millions. I'm an opportunist, really. Needless to say it did not make millions. But I had to take the shot. I don't know anyone who wouldn't.

Whatever you say, but I don't buy it. It would be one thing if he just owned it and said "I made a mistake," but this whole "haha, fooled you" thing just reeks like he watched Orgazmo one too many times and then said "You know, that's what I'm going to tell people. And it's just so crazy it might work!"

Diamond will be starring in a musical about Saved By the Bell next. He says he's not a professional singer, but, you know, pretty good. Let's hope that he doesn't get the same guy to write his book about that.

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