In honor of Ted Cruz’s unexpected victory in Oklahoma and his very expected win in Texas, here are the following scenarios in which I would 100 percent vote for Ted Cruz, no questions asked.

(Even though I would ask many questions, and would never vote for him.)


^^ This tweet by Ted Cruz’s Mortal Enemy Craig Mazin™, but instead of “Oscars” I mean “votes,” “comedy” I mean “Trump,” and “dramas” I mean “Ted Cruz.”

...at least this way the Oscars aren’t so white.


I walk into Stonewall last Friday and accidentally run into Ted Cruz.

“...well, THIS could get interesting.”


Ted Cruz ascends stage.

“ZODIAC KILLER.”

Drops mic.


Contact the author at jamie.reich@jezebel.com.

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