A West Virginia assistant prosecutor apparently warned his co-workers that he was “deathly afraid of spiders” before they put up this year’s Halloween decorations. But they didn’t listen because they are jerks and so he was forced to whip out his weapon to protect himself against the fake spiders his asshole colleagues had displayed around the office.

Logan County Prosecuting Attorney John Bennett told press that the man, Chris White, was suspended on Wednesday—several weeks after incident—because people in the office were still upset about it.

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“He said they had spiders everyplace and he said he told them it wasn’t funny, and he couldn’t stand them, and he did indeed get a gun out,” said Bennett to a local CBS affiliate. “It had no clip in it, of course they wouldn’t know that. I wouldn’t either if I looked at it, to tell you the truth.”

That the gun wasn’t loaded raises an important question: Why did he pull it out in the first place? Just to scare his colleagues? That’s not very Christian of him, considering he knows how it feels to be scared. Was he going to fire blanks at a spider? That is also unwise because the loud noise would probably spook the spider and send it skittering in an unpredictable direction—possibly into White’s mouth.

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But it doesn’t even matter, because the spiders were toys, and now White is The Guy Who Pulled The Gun On A Toy Spider.


Contact the author at joanna@jezebel.com.

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Image via Laura Pumnea/Shutterstock.