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Sun Devilry, that is. The dancin'-est Palin reportedly purchased a home near Tempe, Arizona, fueling rumors that a college career could be in her future. Will Arizona State University, "the Harvard of date rape," be ready for this jelly? More »
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• Britney Spears' former bodyguard Mark Chinapen is defending her against Fernando Flores's claim that she abused her children, saying, "In our time with Britney, we've never seen anything in a negative sense."

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• Lady Gaga spent two hours answering questions live online. "I need fashion for my music, and I need music for my fashion," she said. [SHOWStudio]
• That Gaga: Always destroying her Birkins. [Fashin]

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• Early on Monday morning, Rihanna was celebrating the Saints' Super Bowl win at a Miami club with Kim Kardashian and Timbaland, when a partygoer chucked a champagne bottle at their table from the balcony above and almost hit her.

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It's that time of month again, when magazines pretend like it's already next month! Or, in this case: Next year. The January 2010 ladymags are already cluttering up the Internet. The same six actresses have swapped covers amongst themselves again. More »
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• Elijah Wood and Shirley Manson star in a new ad campaign for Oliver Peoples Spring 2010 Resort Collection. Hate to say it, but in this Mad Men-inspired campaign, both come across as a poor woman's Joan & Don. [Black Book]

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• Star reporter Kate Major resigned today after announcing that she's dating Jon Gosselin, as she wouldn't want this conflict of interest to tarnish the mag's stellar reputation. Too bad Michael Lohan won't stop talking about his new BFFs.

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• Hillary Clinton has not agreed to be Obama's Secretary of State even if she is officially offered it. [Politico]
• She has, however, been asked to head Ted Kennedy's health reform task force next year. [The Hill]
• Mr. Jowls will remain the Chairman of the Committee on Homeland Security. Jane Hamsher and others say, in so many words, fuck that guy. [Politico, Firedoglake, Politico]
• Chuck Norris might be able to defeat ninjas, cowboys and anyone who talks back, but what he's really, really scared of is boys who like to kiss other boys (we assume that, like most raging homophobes, he furiously masturbates to girl-on-girl porn). Chuck Norris, I have watched gay bear porn and survived with nary a scratch. I double dog dare you. [Queerty]

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• Officials are confirming that Hillary Clinton met with Barack Obama in Chicago to talk about a potential Cabinet slot. Two "senior Democratic officials" confirmed to the Huffington Post that Clinton was offered Secretary of State and asked for time to consider it, but she didn't admit to anything at a press conference in Albany. [NY Times, Huffington Post]
• Barack Obama and John McCain are going to meet this weekend to talk about how they might be able to work together on something once Obama is President. It was arranged by Senator Lindsay Graham, McCain's Number One Fanboy. [Washington Post]
• Vermont Senator Pat Leahy became the one who broke the seal, announcing today that he's not going to support Connecticut Senator Joe "Turncoat" Lieberman's efforts to hold onto his committee chairmanship in the Democratic-controlled Senate since Lieberman isn't a Democrat, campaigned against the incoming Democratic President and endorsed a Republican. Glad someone has more of a spine than Harry Reid. [Washington Post]
• Speaking of backbones, thousands of people are expecting to protest the passage of Proposition 8 tomorrow, in California and around the country. [Huffington Post]

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• Just to prove to American voters that they are really unfeeling, the Republican National Committee released word today that the California Republican Party is filing an FEC complaint against Barack Obama for his visit to his dying grandmother, who passed away today. Is anyone home over there? [Washington Post]
• If you weren't already aware, Barack Obama doesn't want to see your underwear. Panty-flinging should remain metaphorical. [Politico]
• Sarah Palin is definitely not releasing her medical records. I want to be angry about this, but I wouldn't want reporters pawing around my gynecological exams either. [CNN]
• Republican Senator Orrin Hatch, having lived the last 8 years with his head firmly up his ass, thinks that the U.S. will "lose a lot of stature throughout the world" if we elect Obama. [Politico]

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You might be forgiven if, upon watching this video of Sarah Palin meeting with and talking to heads of state, you think to yourself, "But, Sarah Palin has never address the United Nations!" Because we did. The video mashes up some actual audio of Palin discussing foreign policy and the religious case for "Drill, Baby, Drill" with footage of "Palin" discussing those things with heads of state, as she might be called to do as VP (or, God forbid, President). It might be the scariest thing you see all Halloween. Click on the picture at left to watch. [AdGabber] More »
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In a world where registering people to vote constitutes a crime but illegally pressuring your subordinates to fire your brother-in-law doesn't; where the guy who points out that violent threats scare him is stoking racial tensions but the man trying to take advantage of them is just standing up for the common [white] man; and in which the Republican Party will pay for ads slamming Obama while pushing others praising him in the hopes of re-electing a Republican Congressman, there's not a lot of reason for hope. Or, perhaps there is, as it's progress alone that people are noticing all of the bullshit. I'm not really sure, but hope-enthusiast Spencer Ackerman is less unsure than me, which is why I keep asking him back. Our morning conversation, after the jump. More »
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• What kind of fuckery is this? Amy Winehouse borrowed some designer dresses. When she returned them, they were splattered with vomit. [Mirror]
• Some of the puke-stained dresses had developed furry mold on them. [Hey, I'm eating breakfast, lady! - Ed.] [CelebNewsWire]
• Meanwhile, Amy is trying to launch the singing career of her goddaughter, Dionne. [Mirror]
• Except at Dionne's gig, Amy was a total fucking mess. [Daily Mail]
• More "turmoil" for Brad and Angelina as Billy Bob Thornton says of Angie, "We're still close." Eh. [Daily Mail]

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• Oprah! In final talks! To be on 30 Rock! She'll play herself in scenes with Tina Fey's character Liz Lemon. Will Arnett and Jennifer Aniston are also making appearances on the show this fall. The bad news? The season premiere doesn't air until October 30. [E!]
• Paris Hilton has "manipulated" the Toronto Film Festival to get more publicity for a documentary about herself. There were three screenings of the film Paris, Not France; now there is only one, because that will "create more buzz." Hasn't her moment in the spotlight come and gone? [Page Six]
• The trailer for Lindsay Lohan's new movie, Labor Pains, is online. LL plays a publishing assistant who avoids getting fired by pretending to be pregnant. It looks almost barely funny. [People]

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God Almighty, will it ever end? More »
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