Ryan Seacrest Is the Thinking Man's Nietzsche

In today’s Tweet Beat, Ryan Seacrest continues to wow us with his musings, Lena Dunham’s life is just so easy to relate to, and Twitter responds to Bieber-mop-bucket-pee-gate.

its amazing to think one night someone got curious in their kitchen and invented a rice crispie

— Ryan Seacrest (@RyanSeacrest) July 10, 2013

I wish I could tell you why my mom is with Jay-Z right now.

— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) July 10, 2013

For some reason my tweet got deleted, but it was pretty important so I’ll post it again: Justin Pee-Ber lol

— Ike Barinholtz (@ikebarinholtz) July 10, 2013

Don’t judge Justin Bieber until you’ve walked a few feet in his designer shoes through a nightclub’s kitchen to piss in a mop bucket.

— Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) July 10, 2013

I wanna cohost @theviewtv sooooooo bad

— Margaret Cho (@margaretcho) July 10, 2013

Dreamt I was a cheerleader at a pep rally screaming: “Show me your kale face!”

— Kristen Schaal (@kristenschaaled) July 10, 2013

RT if u want me to take ur mom on a date…and maybe makeout with her

— lil mufasa (@diplo) July 10, 2013

“I like big butts.” “And I cannot lie!” Diddy & Pinocchio: they’re cops! Tuesdays this fall on TNT, 9/8 Central.

— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) July 10, 2013

why wasn’t i born rich ?! .. I honestly came out the wrong vagina

— Lil Debbie (@L1LDebbie) July 10, 2013

Can’t believe it – just dropped the kids off for their first day of preschool! So quiet in the house now. What to do?#sleep #drink #freedom

— Neil Patrick Harris (@ActuallyNPH) July 10, 2013

Sometimes, in my darkest moments, I think, “Maybe it’s not that important for you to make the kids like chickpeas.Maybe yr wasting yr time.”

— Caitlin Moran (@caitlinmoran) July 10, 2013

Have u ever stayed in an ice hotel? Wondering what that’s like. Freezing? Fascinating?

— mia farrow (@MiaFarrow) July 10, 2013

Writing jokes for you pieces of shit is like feeding a filet of Kobe beef to a mudfish.

— rob delaney (@robdelaney) July 10, 2013

When I go for runs in parks in Los Angeles I get scared that a coyote will think I’m a large rabbit. 🙁

— Ellen Page (@EllenPage) July 10, 2013

I know I’m still in Canada because I just walked into a woman and she apologized to me.

— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) July 10, 2013

I have a conflicting mix of sympathy and contempt for people who breathe extremely loud next to me at urinals.

— dax shepard (@daxshepard1) July 10, 2013

Marina Abramović is gonna FUCKING KILL IT at the James Franco Roast. #TheRealQueenOfMean

— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) July 10, 2013

nice try girl at gym wearing sunglasses, hat & reading script out loud so everyone hears, I TOTALLY recognize you from Judge Judy audience

— Matt Oswalt (@Puddinstrip) July 10, 2013

On March 23, 2016, we will have a rare penumbral lunar eclipse and Zach Braff will complete his transformation into Ray Romano.

— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) July 10, 2013

It would be cool if Congress was shirts and skins

— Megan Amram (@meganamram) July 10, 2013

Hold up! Do I see U doubting URself? TyTy sees how #Fierce U R…do U? TyTy knows U #HaveWhatItTakes…do U? pic.twitter.com/n8btM7zP07

— Tyra Banks (@tyrabanks) July 10, 2013

…always live to serve others and The Lord. #growingeveryday

— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) July 10, 2013

Image via Getty.