In her first interview since losing to Holly Holm on November 14, UFC star Ronda Rousey finally spoke publicly about her first loss—loose teeth, puffy lips and all.

On the Friday after Thanksgiving, Rousey invited ESPNW’s Ramona Shelburne (seen above speaking about her reporting on SportsCenter this morning) into her Venice Beach home and admitted that she’s been “really fucking sad” since the defeat a month ago.

“I need to come back. I need to beat this chick,” she said. “Who knows if I’m going to pop my teeth out or break my jaw or rip my lip open. I have to fucking do it.”

After Holm’s knockout kick to her face, Rousey said, she flew from Australia to a ranch in Texas and turned her phone off. Outside of talking with her boyfriend, UFC fighter Travis Browne, she only chatted with another close friend and hung out with her dog Mochi. She also replayed that fateful night in her head. From Shelburne’s piece:

“I was thinking, ‘On the bright side, I’m more like crushed idealism and sardonic sense of humor now,’” Rousey told ESPN. “I got hit in that first round . . . I cut my lip open and knocked a couple of my teeth loose. I was out on my feet from the very beginning.”

Ronda says of her experience that it was like watching “a dumbed-down dreamy version of yourself making decisions.” She told herself she’d be OK if she kept fighting but ultimately feels “embarrassed” about her performance. “I wasn’t even fucking there,” she said.

But her family is pushing her to reconnect with the world and put herself back together. For Rousey’s part, the bravado fans love about her has developed a more honest edge: “I’m the only one that’s scared when I walk in there,” she said of her fights. “I’m always fucking scared.”

Advertisement

Elsewhere, UFC president Dana White has confirmed there will be a Rousey-Holm rematch, and Rousey’s game:

“Of course. What else am I going to fucking do?”

Read the full profile here.


Contact the author at Hillary@jezebel.com.