Jezebel: Rick Perry

Rick Perry Drops Out of Race, Halfway Endorses Gigantic Prick

Erin Gloria Ryan — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 12:00:00 EST

Texas governor Rick Perry has announced that he will end his campaign for President and throw his tepid support behind a guy whose wife brushes his hair. More »

Shit Republicans Say About Black People

Erin Gloria Ryan — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 17:20:00 EST

At Monday's 352nd Republican presidential debate, the remaining candidates for the GOP Presidential nomination tackled the tough issues, like whether or not felons should be allowed to vote and what in the sam hill is going on with black people being poor all the time. As they veered between treating moderator Juan Williams like he was an acceptable substitute for the ire they'd like to direct at President Obama and talking like a civics paper written by a drunk guy who only watches Fox News, I started thinking: For being a bunch of rich white folk, Republican politicians sure do say a lot of shit about black people. More »

Lone Candidate Who Believes in Global Warming Drops out of GOP Race

Erin Gloria Ryan — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 11:10:00 EST

Former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman has announced that he's ending his Presidential bid. Good. Now the race can get 100% wacky. More »

GOP Candidates Vow to Force Pregnant Women to Have Babies

Erin Gloria Ryan — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 16:10:00 EST

The campaign in South Carolina is heating up, says everyone. That's apparently code for "the candidates are gathered in the roughly same geographic area, and they're emitting high pitched shrieks at each other." Yesterday, they were shrieking about Bain Capital. Today, they're still hollering about Bain, but they're also yelling about fetuses— specifically, which Republican Presidential hopeful deserves the title of Fetus's #1 fan. Let the anti-abortion rights pissing contest begin. More »

Texas Court Makes New Strides in Anti-Abortion Heinousness

Margaret Hartmann — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 14:00:00 EST

Earlier this year, a judge ruled against a Texas law that would force women seeing abortions to have a sonogram at least 24 hours before the procedure, listen to the fetal heartbeat, and hear a detailed description of the fetus' limbs and organs. U.S. district Judge Sam Sparks found that the law violates physicians' free speech rights by forcing them to "advance an ideological agenda with which they may not agree, regardless of any medical necessity, and irrespective of whether the pregnant women wish to listen." Now a three-judge panel has reversed Sparks' decision, allowing the law to go into effect while it continues to be disputed in court. More »

Mitt Romney, Weirdo, Has Silky Skin, Reasonable Views

Erin Gloria Ryan — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 17:00:00 EST

Every week, it seems we learn something new and weird about Mitt Romney. He's got lingering beef with Eliza Dushku's mom. He's got like 27 houses. His sons are unsettlingly hot, in a steaming white bread out of the oven kind of way. He's protested against the protesters of the Vietnam War when he was in college. And now, we've learned that his hands are as soft as the finest imported fabrics, and that one of his hobbies includes firing people and being totally fine with gays and abortion. Who knew a guy who looks so boring could be so full of oddly unsettling surprises? More »

How To Get Totally Famous By Trolling Republican Presidential Candidates

Erin Gloria Ryan — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 12:25:00 EST

Watch out, kissing babies and candidates saying how madly in love they are with the troops— this election cycle, there's a new bit of daily drudgery in town— relentless trolling of candidates by non-supporters whose totally surprise questions for the candidates are captured on video. While many stunts have already been pulled, there's so much more time left before the election, it'd be a shame if any American were excluded from the political troll game. So, to honor the day of the Iowa Caucuses, here's your guide to creating your own "Oh no they didn't" Everyman Confronts Pol Youtube hit, segregated, for your convenience, by Republican Presidential candidate. More »

Let's Make Fun of Republicans' Houses

Erin Gloria Ryan — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 13:30:00 EST

As anyone prone to reading interior design blogs knows, the home environment is a direct reflection on the quality and worthiness of its occupants' eternal souls and the determinate of whether or not they deserve love. Thus, it makes sense that we not only roundly critique the living quarters of our potential GOP Presidential nominees, we also make suggestions for how to make their homes more fitting for their public image. More »

Abortions To Save Woman's Life Will Be Permitted In Imaginary Perry Presidency

Margaret Hartmann — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 23:18:00 EST

Yesterday, Rick Perry announced that he'd had a change of heart about what women should be allowed to do with their bodies, and now fully supports the bit of the Personhood USA pledge that says, "abortion and the innocent killing of life should always be prohibited." Today he clarified that he does find abortion acceptable when the procedure is medically necessary to save a woman's life. (Actually, Perry just said "that's correct," when asked if that's the only instance in which he'd allow the procedure.) Rape and incest victims will still be stuck with the consequences of their non-consensual actions in the very unlikely event that Perry is elected president. More »

Rick Perry Suddenly Realizes He's Against Abortion In Cases Of Rape & Incest

Margaret Hartmann — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 23:47:00 EST

Just a week ago, Rick Perry say he'd allow abortion in cases of rape, incest and to protect the mother's life, but that doesn't exactly jibe with his recent embrace of the proposed personhood laws that even most Republicans don't like. When asked about the contradiction at a campaign event today, Perry revealed that he's undergone a "transformation" on the issue — conveniently, just days before the Iowa caucuses! More »

Republican Candidates' Wives Want You To Know That They Like Their Husbands

Erin Gloria Ryan — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 18:00:00 EST

14-Year-Old Bisexual Girl Confronts Rick Perry On DADT

Margaret Hartmann — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 10:30:00 EST

Ambushing Republican candidates and asking them to explain their crappy positions on gay rights is becoming quite the trend in this election, and Rick Perry is the latest target. After a town hall meeting in Iowa, 14-year-old Rebecka Green approached Perry and said, "I just want to know why you're so opposed to gays serving openly in the military, why you want to deny them that freedom when they're fighting and dying for your right to run for president." More »

Your Handy Guide To Presidential Candidate Dickery

Erin Gloria Ryan — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 11:00:00 EST

That scrappy ragtag gang of hateful losers who want to be the Republican nominee for President gathered together to talk at America last night in the last debate of the year. And, like in every other televised argument these clowns have had, they used their respective opportunities in the spotlight to remind America that, if elected, they'll act like total dicks. More »

Presidential Candidates Grapple Over Who Loves Zygotes The Most

Erin Gloria Ryan — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 15:50:00 EST

Rick Perry Boldly Admits He's Christian In Unbelievably Bigoted Campaign Ad

Margaret Hartmann — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 20:54:00 EST

You know how President Obama's secret Muslim agenda has forced Christians to hide their beliefs, lest they be targeted for extra screening at airports and taunted for wearing their cross necklaces while grocery shopping? Well, Rick Perry is through with cowering in fear! In this new campaign, Perry declares, "I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a Christian," and goes on to condemn gay soldiers for stealing Christmas, or something. We lost our Obama-issued tactical manual from when we were drafted into a war on religious freedom. More »

Obama Administration Dares To Promote LGBT Rights Abroad; Outrage Ensues

Margaret Hartmann — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 11:40:00 EST

Yesterday in a speech by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and a memo from President Obama, the White House laid out its new commitment to promoting gay and transgender rights worldwide. While many are applauding the announcement, some say Obama has ulterior political motives. The move has already affected the 2012 campaign by giving Rick Perry an opportunity to catch up to the other Republican candidates, who seem to be in some kind of contest to see who can make the most horrifically homophobic comment. More »

Rick Perry Manages To Make Two Gaffes In One Sentence

Margaret Hartmann — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 23:58:00 EST

Rick Perry has officially given up on running for the presidency and is now just campaigning to make it onto this week's episode of Saturday Night Live. After delivering his stump speech at the New Hampshire Institute of Politics at Saint Anselm College on Tuesday, Perry declared, "Those of you that will be 21 by November the 12th, I ask for your support and your vote. Those of you who won't be, work hard." Since Perry has just discounted voters between the ages of 18 to 21, and everyone planning on participating in the general election on November 6, we're pretty sure this is a desperate plea to make the mean reporters stop looking him and asking all those questions with big words. More »

Was Herman Cain's Candidacy Just One Big Book Commercial?

Erin Gloria Ryan — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 17:25:00 EST

In light of allegations that he carried on a 13 year long extramarital affair, non-joke Presidential candidate Herman Cain has told his top aides that he's "reassessing" his campaign's future. And, given the dramatic downturn in number of copies of This is Herman Cain!: My Journey to the White House flying off the shelves while stories of Cain's indiscretions came to light, we should probably be "reassessing" whether or not this entire campaign was a ploy to promote sales of his book. More »

Michele Bachmann's Book Hopes To Distract From Fact That Michele Bachmann Would Make A Terrible President

Erin Gloria Ryan — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 13:20:00 EST

All 206 pages of Michele Bachmann's book are hitting stores on Monday. Her campaign hopes the volume, with the Lifetime Original Movie-ready title Courage of Conviction, will boost her campaign's profile and provide the boost she needs to come from behind to nab the Republican Presidential nomination. This is a great idea. Other fact-challenged Republican candidates would be well served to follow Bachmann's lead. More »

Texas Politician Regrets Urging Against 'Jewing Down'

Erin Gloria Ryan — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 14:20:00 EDT

Texas Republian State Representative Larry Taylor has apologized for using the phrase "Jew them down" during a legislative hearing. More »

Hillary Clinton Could Easily Win 2012 Election, If She Were Actually Running

Margaret Hartmann — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 09:40:00 EDT

In 2012 the Democrats can secure a landslide victory against any of the Republican frontrunners — they just have to nominate Hillary Clinton instead of Barack Obama. According to a poll conducted by Time, if Clinton were the Democratic nominee, she'd beat Mitt Romney 55% to 38%, Rick Perry 58% to 32%, and Herman Cain 56% to 34% among likely voters. The poll projects President Obama would win too, but he's only trounce Romney 46% to 43%, Perry 50% to 38% and Cain 49% to 37%. More »

Rick Perry Only Cares About Rich People

Erin Gloria Ryan — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 19:00:00 EDT

Rick Perry's been saying a lot of stupid crap over the course of the last few days. Between grabbing a stick, running to the field, and eagerly pounding away at the dead horse of the Presidential Birth Certificate Question because it's "fun" and calling Mitt Romney a "fat cat," Perry's been doing some fancy mouth-shooting. But today, he topped himself. More »

Sarah Silverman Organizes 'Live From Niggerhead' Comedy Show

Dodai Stewart — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 17:20:00 EDT

Sarah Silverman is planing to hold a comedy show in Texas, the home state of Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry. And she plans to call it "Live From Niggerhead: Stripping The Paint Off Of Good Ol' Fashioned Racism." Take a deep breath. Let it out. More »

Herman Cain: Why?

Erin Gloria Ryan — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 12:10:00 EDT

Herman Cain, a pizza-making businessman who has never held any political office, is running for President. He peppers his speech with inscrutable metaphors and has terrible ideas, and yet, he's still among the GOP frontrunners. This guy can't be serious. Can he? We try to get to the bottom of what's really behind Cain's rapid ascent on the Good Ship WTF. More »

The 10 Assiest Moments From Last Night's Republican Debate

Erin Gloria Ryan — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 11:40:00 EDT

The latest in a seemingly neverending series of fall debates between 2012 Republican presidential nominee hopefuls, last night's debate featured every candidate flying their asshole flag loud and proud. Even though the night was teeming with stupid, here are ten moments that outshone the others in their sheer jaw-dropping, chaotic dickery. More »

The Pocket Guide To Last Night's Republican Debate

Erin Gloria Ryan — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 11:10:00 EDT

A group of people who believe the government's job is to do as little as possible descended on Hanover, New Hampshire last night, and spent the next two hours talking about who would do the least if elected. More »

Larry Flynt Offering $1 Million For Rick Perry Sex Stories

Irin Carmon — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 18:50:00 EDT

Larry Flynt has placed ads in Texas asking, "Have you had a gay or straight sexual encounter with Governor Rick Perry? Can you provide documented evidence of illicit sexual or intimate relations with the governor? Larry Flynt and Hustler magazine will pay you up to $1 million if we choose to publish your verified story and use your material." But the ads were placed in The Onion and the Austin Chronicle. But why does Flynt think Onion readers would have sex with Rick Perry? More »

The Sex-Hating Hysteria Behind Republicans' HPV Vaccine Debate

Irin Carmon — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 17:50:49 EDT

Michele Bachmann seems to have struck gold at yesterday's Republican debate. She went after Rick "I Hate Cancer" Perry, again for mandating an HPV vaccine, and she hasn't stopped pushing it since. But as anyone who's followed this debate already knows, this is not about vaccine side effects, government mandates, or even lobbyist links. It's about sex. More »

Bachmann Attacks Perry Over HPV Vaccine Mandate

Margaret Hartmann — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 23:34:00 EDT

Tonight at the CNN/Tea Party Express Republican debate in Tampa, Rick Perry's decision to issue an executive order in 2007 mandating HPV vaccines for girls came up again, and the other candidates went into attack mode — particularly Michele Bachmann. The Republican candidates discussion of the HPV vaccine contained a stunning amount of incorrect information and batshit crazy analysis, but that pretty much goes without saying. More »

Rick Perry Hates Cervical Cancer

Irin Carmon — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 11:15:36 EDT

There was lots of punching up at Rick Perry at last night's Republican debate, the first time the candidates had a chance to confront him. And they were all pretty peeved about his executive order to have girls vaccinated against HPV. More »

Rick Perry Supports Insane 'Heartbeat' Abortion Bill

Irin Carmon — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 14:05:00 EDT

The coalition of extremists pushing a bill that would ban abortion at the detection of the first heartbeat has announced that Rick Perry is on their team. He personally informed a group of 250 activists that he would support the bill, which is in intentional violation of Roe v. Wade's viability standard. More »

Rick Perry Is Ruining Everything For Michele Bachmann

Irin Carmon — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 18:55:10 EDT

According to a bunch of polls, Michele Bachmann has been slipping since Rick Perry entered the race, and she may not win the Iowa caucuses, which are five months away and won't itself guarantee the nomination for an election that is over a year away. Isn't this fun? More »

Rick Perry's "Pro-Life" Cervical Cancer Position Shifts

Irin Carmon — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 14:50:00 EDT

Rick Perry has been backing away from his controversial move to mandate the vaccination of middle school girls against HPV, which can cause cervical cancer. There's really only one question here: Was it "pro-life" or "pro-sex"? More »

The Politics Of The American State Fair

Anna North — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 15:45:00 EDT

Folks, it's state fair season — that time of year when tents spring up around the country to serve fried food, and politicians get photographed eating it. Despite (or perhaps because of) its sheer excess, the state fair has become a political proving ground. More »

Why Rick Perry Blocked Me On Twitter

Andrea Grimes — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 14:40:00 EDT

My initial reaction to finding out that Governor Rick Perry-–my governor, whether I voted for the man or not–—had blocked me on Twitter was one of bemused joy. "I WIN THE WORLD!" I tweeted excitedly, because it was such a beautiful and public fingers-in-ears tantrum thrown by a grown-ass man. There's so much that is characteristic of Perry and conservatives of his ilk that's explained and illustrated by this simple act: a refusal to engage with criticism, an ability to believe things-–like that Texas has a miracle economy–-that are demonstrably false, behavior that puts wishful and privileged thinking–even magical thinking-–ahead of actual policy and practice. More »

Your Presidential Candidates Eating Phallic Corndogs

Irin Carmon — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 18:30:00 EDT

Over the weekend, some were outraged at a photo published in The Telegraph of Michele Bachmann at the Iowa State Fair, looking like she was fellating a corn dog. Mediaite's Frances Martel blasted what she called "the sexist subtext here: would the Telegraph have run a similar photo of a presidential candidate consuming an obvious phallic symbol if said candidate were male?" We don't know about the Telegraph, but we will. (Bonus: vaguely NSFW animation. More »

Your Handy Guide To Rick Perry

Irin Carmon — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 15:00:27 EDT

This morning in Iowa, new presidential candidate Rick Perry said you should want a president "that's in love with America." He struck a similarly amorous note when asked about Romney, blowing an air kiss and saying, "Send him my love." Should you be sending love back Perry's way? In a word, no. More »

Palm Sunday

Anna Holmes — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:10:00 EST

[Cypress, Texas; February 7. Image via Getty]

Diane Wood: The Soon-To-Be Target Of GOP Outrage

Megan Carpentier — Thu, 21 May 2009 10:00:00 EDT

Barack Obama reportedly interviewed Judge Diane Wood for that open Supreme Court seat, though she played coy with reporters and Republicans are ginning up some sort of outrage (because that's what they do!). [Washington Post]

Everything In The News Will Piss You Off Today, Puppies And Presidents Edition

Megan Carpentier — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 18:30:00 EST

The Bushes spent about $3.7 million dollars on real estate in a pricey Dallas neighborhood, and boy, are you going to seethe with jealousy when you see the house the Presidency can buy you. [Washington Post, The Smoking Gun]
Italy is struggling with a rise in puppy smuggling due to a love of specific breeds and a declining economy. More than 70,000 puppies are smuggled into Italy every year, despite the fact that nearly a quarter of them die on the way and half die within a few months of arrival. There's a video. [BBC]
Pastor Rick Warren says the Bible calls us to invade Iran. I don't think it says what he thinks it says, but that might be because I read it for my own edification and not to use it to make zillions of dollars or justify my existence. [Washington Independent]