And here you were thinking SXSW was dead just because you heard Taco Bell was selling Soylent-flavored Chalupas shaped like QR codes for 69 cents outside the Spotify x Kangol Anal Bleaching Hut this year!

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The Washington Post reports:

First lady Michelle Obama and Democratic presidential hopeful and former first lady Hillary Clinton will attend Nancy Reagan’s funeral in California on Friday, a sign of the enduring power of President Ronald Reagan’s legacy 27 years after he left office.

Ah, yes—but what about our president?

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President Obama will be speaking that day at the South by Southwest conference in Austin.

“Hay Michelle,” he’ll text, adjusting his jorts as he blinks into the sun outside the truck that’s about to serve him two chorizo-avocado breakfast tacos and a large cold brew. “How’s the funeral? Anyone smoking weed?”

“Babe,” she’ll text back quickly, forcing a smile at the mourners.

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“Remember when Nancy let Rock Hudson bleed out in Paris?” he’ll text, mid-chomp and sip.

Michelle tsks automatically, quietly switches her phone to airplane mode and grimaces at Hillary. “He’s at South By,” she whispers.

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“Must be nice,” Hillary says.


Contact the author at jia@jezebel.com.

Image via AP