Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

The Cannes Film Festival is underway, and yesterday's premieres included the new film Grace of Monaco, starring Nicole Kidman. Cue the couture and glamour.

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Let's start strong. We begin with an eye-popping number. This, friends, is Elena Lenina, an actress known for "bringing the crazy" to Cannes. Behold her incredibly authentic Holiday Barbie Realness. Look at that hair. Let that silvery critter crown assault your eyeballs. She is the freaking Maximus of red carpets. Are you not entertained????

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

On to some calmer waters. Blues clues: Hofit Golan, Jin Qiaoqiao, Mallika Sherawat.

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

The universe contains infinite mysteries, and among them is why Kendall Jenner was in attendance. We may never know. She is wearing Chanel. I don't like it but I am not in the South of France being gently caressed by Côte D'Azure breezes, I am indoors, blogging in a kimono, so whatever. (But seriously, the makeup is great, but is this the best hair/dress combo her people could come up with?)

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Pretty printed fit-and-flare dresses for Nadja Auermann and Audrey Tautou.

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Very graphic black and white with silver racing stripes? C'est très chic for Blue Is The Warmest Color's Adèle Exarchopoulos.

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Sparkly, ornate champagne gowns: Carole Bouquet, Paz Vega.

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Poor Laetitia Casta had to cobble together a gown at the last minute using coffee filters and buttons. Oh wait, it's actually Dior. Okay. The front isn't bad — it has movement and texture.

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

The back, however, is very Little Mermaid Sail Dress.

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Ziyi Zhang's Stéphane Rolland gown has a lot going on — shiny geometric spaceship paneling on the top and romantic sheer billowing ruffles on the bottom. Somehow it works.

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Gong Li in Roberto Cavalli = stunning.

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Oh dear. What are you wearing, Karlie Kloss. Allegedly this is Valentino, but it looks like she stumbled into an Italian grandma's curtains on her way to the party. No offense to Italian grandmas.

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Jane Fonda exudes sizzling heatwaves in a crimson beaded gown.

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Here's Blake Lively doing an oh-I-just-stepped-down-from-Mount-Olympus type of thing. Some vultures must have picked at her braid during the descent. The dress is by Gucci.

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Zoe Saldana in an ivory gown by Victoria Beckham? GORE. JUSS.

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Finally, the star of the film, Nicole Kidman. Her regal, elaborately embellished gown is Armani Privé. She looks like a Queen from a distant galaxy. In a good way.

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Regal Gowns and Hideous Hair at the Cannes Grace of Monaco Premiere

Images via Getty.