Read This Hilariously Bad Jen Aniston Profile and 'Contemplate' Shit

Women’s Wear Daily has published what is perhaps the hackiest celebrity profile lede in the entire history of hacky celebrity profile ledes. Are you ready? Here it comes:

As she sits in a windowed penthouse suite at Manhattan’s Royalton Hotel on a rainy afternoon, Jennifer Aniston contemplates the nature of fame.

On your Hacky Celebrity Profile Bingo card, please tick the boxes “LUXURY HOTEL,” and “DEEP THOUGHT.” That last box, by the way, is right next to “EATS A SALAD,” in a row with “FACE APPARENTLY MAKEUP-FREE indicative of PERSONALITY TRAIT” and “TASTEFUL MAKEUP indicative of PERSONALITY TRAIT.” Also on the card are “Surprisingly ADJECTIVE” and “DOWN-TO-EARTH.”

Here is what Aniston has to say for herself:

“What ends up happening is people just will make up whatever they want about your life, or guess when you’re going to get married, or guess that you’re pregnant when you’re really not. And then they have to figure out a way to undo what they’ve said. It’s just crazy. I find it to be slightly exhausting, but sadly, I think it’s just part of our industry, and I guess I understand it to a point. But I wish there were off hours. It’s an interesting industry, that tabloid world, isn’t it? I find it to be so toxic and so damaging. Photographers chasing after little children, who’s the cutest baby — it’s a really yucky part of society.”