Like a dribbly gift down your chimney, Miley Cyrus' "Adore You" video leaked last night. It mainly consists of Miley Cyrus sensually caught in some sheets, clad in see-through underwear garb. Thrice, maybe four times, her hands migrate to the top of her underwear with the clear intention of masturbating while she videotapes herself. She takes a bath in a shirt. And that's pretty much the extent of the action — it seems to be a perfect capstone to the illustrious year of 2013, age of boring celebrity nudity/the selfie.
A lot of media outlets are crying "attention seeking!" And, okay, yeah, fine — on its surface, "DIY solo sex tape in the drapes" isn't the most creative or compelling of video concepts. However, 1) female masturbation ought to be celebrated more often in pop culture, and 2) there's something really cool about the video as an accompaniment to the song. "Adore You" is very standard damsel-in-distress pop fare: the chorus goes, "When you say you love me,/No, I love you more./When you say you need me,/No, I need you more." Here's a choice excerpt:
Baby, can you hear me?
When I'm crying out for you
I'm scared oh, so scared
But when you're near me
I feel like I'm standing with an army
Of men armed with weapons, hey, oh
Later, Cyrus sings, "You and me, we're meant to be/In holy matrimony." It sounds almost like a parody of an early Taylor Swift song: I'm nothing without you, omg being alone is so scary, can't wait for the wedding!!! To pair that message with a video of Cyrus completely alone — ostensibly in charge of her own pleasure, smiling a lot and appearing to enjoy herself as she wiggles around erotically — subverts the song's rather traditional message. And what is a more millennial way to celebrate one's sexuality than videotaping one's own vagina? IS THERE ONE?
Or maybe it is just boring, who knows. Mostly I'm just happy that she's moved on to less appropriative pastures of provocativeness.