The only reason this blog post isn’t called Let’s Remember Some Wives is because Samer Kalaf threatened legal action.
Competitors were eager to get to the games on Tuesday, perhaps in desperate search of redemption after Monday’s blistering win from Team Sex.
While the inaugural event sought to test bloggers’ knowledge of the Olympic events in 30 seconds, Tuesday’s tested something to which many felt a deeper connection: Bravo’s housewives.
It was anyone’s game: Gawker’s Gabrielle Bluestone regularly watches and writes about the franchise—“I’M SO FUCKIN READY,” she slacked, before revealing her personal goal would be to name all Real Housewives of New York, past and present. Team Fashion’s Madeleine Davies, one of Jezebel’s foremost experts on the wives and their terrible children, said, “I count housewives to fall asleep, mf’ers.” Team Celebrity’s Bobby Finger also has spent some of his career on the housewives (and, more importantly perhaps, the Whos of the celebrity world), as has Team Sex’s Clover Hope. Team Deadmodo’s Matt Hardigree came seemingly out of nowhere, claiming “I got this,” before referencing his specific training.
And they basically all did well in the 30 seconds allotted (much better than Monday, where the highest score was 20 and the second highest was 12). Bluestone completed her goal of naming all the RHONYs, and named several members from the California seasons and Atlanta, ultimately grabbing 22. Davies also performed capably, naming 21, including one technically impressive streak of associations, “Lisa Vanderpump, Lisa Rinna, Kyle Richards, Kim Richards, Kim Zolciak.” Hardigree scored a 15, seemingly with the help of some kind of mnemonic device, although at one point he became flustered and said, “Gigi Hadad,”—presumably referring to Gigi Hadid, who is a housedaughter, if anything. Finger scored a surprisingly low 10, which seemed to be because he didn’t know how long 30 seconds would feel.
But Team Sex could not be caught. Hope, naming almost a housewife a second, scored 28—six more than than the silver medalist. Her performance was methodical, brutal, and precise.
“Who knew I was that good?” Hope wrote in Slack later. We do, now.
Gold medal: Clover Hope, Team Sex, score: 28.
Silver medal: Gabrielle Bluestone, Team Gawker, score: 22.
Bronze medal: Madeleine Davies, Team Fashion, score: 21.
Failed to place: Matt Hardigree, Team Deadmodo; Bobby Finger, Team Celebrity.
Team Celebrity: 1 Bronze medal
Team Sex: 2 Gold medals
Team Fashion: 2 Bronze medals
Team Deadmodo: 1 Silver medal
Team Gawker: 1 Silver medal