Public Schools' Chicken Nuggets Don't Contain Much Chicken

Chicago writer Monica Eng has been endeavoring for a while to delve into the most esoteric mystery of all: what the hell is in the weird pseudo-meaty bits that we serve to our nation’s schoolchildren as though they are real animal products?

Earlier this month, she filed a Freedom of Information Act and was told that the chicken nuggets contain simply “chicken nuggets,” which is a thought-provoking little bit of tautology. Now, she’s received a more comprehensive report, and, according to NPR, the nuggets basically include calcified remnants of demon vomit, soy product, and a few chicken bits:

Chicago public schools’ chicken nuggets turn out to be made from textured soy protein concentrate, isolated soy protein… brown sugar, salt, onion powder, maltodextrin, silicon dioxide [WHICH IS JUST A FANCY TERM FOR “SAND”], citric acid, potassium chloride, sodium phosphates and, oh, yes, a little chicken.

So the chicken is in there! Just surrounded by lots of weird and intimidating-sounding chemical things! According to Alice Waters of the Edible Schoolyard Project, this is rather unsurprising. “The schools have really been hijacked by the companies who are benefitting when children are fed and digest the values of fast food,” she told WBEZ. “They are headed out to be consumers and that’s what we are doing in the schools.”