Last night, the Washington Post reported that the White House is much more involved in the Secret Service's Cartagena prostitution scandal than they're letting on. And it's all over some Ivy League 25-year-old volunteer whose father gave a five-figure amount of money to Obama campaign. Paging Olivia Pope.

According to the Post, despite the fact that the White House has denied up and down any involvement with the scandal, it sure as hell seems like then-25-year-old Yale student and White House volunteer Jonathan Dach took a prostitute with him back to his room on that infamous night in 2012. The White House has claimed that they thoroughly investigated the allegations that a member of the advance team (Dach) was involved and concluded that their hands were clean, but hotel records show that Dach checked in an additional overnight guest at 12:02 am on April 4th, the night of the infamous Secret Service cavorting, and that the name on the photocopied woman's ID that the hotel required upon check in matches the name of a prostitute who advertises her services online.

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The entire alleged coverup — which, if you read the entire Post piece, sounds pretty extensive and paranoid — sounds fucking insane even by election year standards, considering all of this was over the bad behavior of a 25-year-old volunteer. It wasn't like Eric Holder was over there getting his fuck on with a legal sex worker. Janet Napolitano wasn't having her toes sucked by an 18 year old waitress. Dach wasn't even being paid.

His father, however, was a donor who had given more than $23,000 to Obama's 2008 election efforts and has collaborated with First Lady Michelle Obama on her Let's Move! campaign. [dramatic Gore Vidal eye roll.gif]

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But even accepting the fact that people make mistakes and that no Colombian laws were broken by young squire Jonathan Dach, surely the White House could have been a little less tone deaf in his next role with them.

Dach this year started working full time in the Obama administration on a federal contract as a policy adviser in the Office on Global Women's Issues at the State Department.

"Global Women's Issues." The Last Week Tonight rant on this almost writes itself.

The White House's response has been basically ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Per BuzzFeed,

Minutes after the story broke on the Post's website, a top White House spokesperson was emailing reporters with attacks on it. Deputy White House Press Secretary Eric Schultz said the story was old news, and that the White House had been cleared of an allegation it pressured inspectors to alter their findings in advance of the 2012 elections.

"As was reported more than two years ago, the White House conducted an internal review that did not identify any inappropriate behavior on the part of the White House advance team," Schultz said.

Image via Getty