Um, not to gossip because I haaaaaaate gossiping, but as your friend, there’s something I need to tell you: That dumb bitch Chloe is planning on wearing the same dress as you to prom. I know! She copies you all the time! It’s like when you dropped calc and then she dropped calc. Or when you said Panda Express was your favorite restaurant in the food court and then she said Panda Express was her favorite restaurant in the food court. It’s ridiculous and I hate her.

Anyway, that dumb bitch Chloe—who, again I hate soooo much ever since she tried to go out with Nolan after you broke up with Nolan (btw, does Nolan have a date to prom? JK, I totally wouldn’t ask him! Unless you said it was okay, which...never mind! I hate Nolan, too!)—has been coming up to us at lunch and asking us questions about your dress. Like, we all know what’s going on so no one’s actually told her anything, but I thought you should know anyway. Just in case.

Advertisement

I mean, can you imagine anything more embarrassing than showing up to prom and realizing that you’re wearing the same dress as anyone, especially that dumb bitch Chloe? Might as well kill yourself now. Just kidding, I love you! You’re definitely going to be prom queen! I’m just happy to be on court! You’re like a sister to me!

BTW, we should wear matching dresses! It would be so funny!!! Or not. Hahaha, yeah, I’m glad you’re laughing. I meant it as a joke. I was like, ‘How stupid would it be if that dumb bitch Chloe wore the same dress as you?’ and then was like, ‘How stupid would it be if I wore the same dress as you?’ Still pretty stupid, but not as stupid as if Chloe did it, right? Right?!

You’re, like, waaaaaay richer than me, so I probably couldn’t afford the same dress as you anyway. Ha, I’m glad you’re laughing again! You know, I think your mean laugh is your prettiest laugh. Chloe probably disagrees, but whatever. She’s dumb and, yeah, like you always say, a total bitch. She’s actually always been pretty nice to me, but IDK, it’s probably fake. Not like our friendship! Wait, are you sure you don’t want to wear matching dresses? Oh, you got yours through a registry? So, like, no other girls can buy the same dress as you? Wow! You’re so smart! I wish I was like you. Ha, yay, there’s that mean laugh I love so much!

Oh, there’s Nolan!!! I mean, whatever! I don’t care. LYLAS!

Image via Shutterstock.