Is it sexual assault if....?

Hello Ladies,

Someone who isn't me, let's call this fellow SWIM, recently met this great lady. She's smart and funny and just generally awesome. SWIM really respects this lady and SWIM has immense respect for all women. SWIM asked me to help him figure out if consent is implied in a particular situation because SWIM would never want to do something to hurt anyone especially a lady as awesome as his new friend.The lady in question has shown interest in him and general sexual banter is very common. She has even apparently mentioned to a common friend that she wants to perform fellatio on SWIM. Naturally SWIM is feels very privileged and flattered. SWIM and his lady friend have not been sexual together. In fact they have not even kissed. SWIM and his new lady friend plan on doing some MDMA together. She will be hanging out alone with SWIM at his place. They have not discussed having sex while rolling. SWIM wanted to know if they engage in sexual activity while they are both rolling is that okay? Since she is intoxicated is she in a position to consent to that sexual activity. Although both SWIM and his friend will be rolling, SWIM has done this before while she is a first timer. SWIM really doesn't know how to bring this up with his lady friend. Of course SWIM would make sure to be on his best behavior and will do his best to keep things from heading in that direction but SWIM is very hot for this girl and if she starts kissing him he might not be able to tell her to stop. If she initiates a sexual act while they are both rolling on MDMA is it appropriate for SWIM to reciprocate? Remember that SWIM has done MDMA before but his friend is going to be experiencing this for the first time. Thank you for helping SWIM figure out if this is consensual or not. SWIM and I both thank you for your time.

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Pending approvalOriginal post by Erin Gloria Ryan on Jezebel

Police Have Great Advice on How Not to Get Raped This Christmas

Police Have Great Advice on How Not to Get Raped This Christmas

It's the holiday season, which means it's time to light the menorah tree on fire, throw dreidels at the Kwanzaa cake, and very nicely ask Santa to bring you a nice new Jesus for Saturnalia. If you're in the UK, it means something else, too: the annual deluge of unhelpful holiday anti-rape ads.

According to research, binge drinking in the UK tends to spike around the holidays, so it makes sense that well-meaning police forces would unveil anti-rape ads around the end of the year in an attempt to combat the pervasiveness of alcohol-related sexual assault. But when it comes to advice about rape, well-meaning and well-executed rarely align. This year's crop isn't as bad as some of the ads in the past, but according to the The Vagenda Magazine, that doesn't mean there aren't some awful ones out there. Let's take a little walk down very recent memory lane.

Here's one ad created this year for Northern Ireland's SMART program. It's pink because it's FOR THE LADIES.

Police Have Great Advice on How Not to Get Raped This Christmas

LADIES: HOW MUCH RAPE JUICE HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?

The SMART program also has a brochure for men that implores them to make sure to ask ARE YOU SURE before having sex, but that doesn't erase the fact that the campaign assumes that 1. only women are rape victims 2. only men are rapists 3. rape victims who drink too much are at least a teeny bit responsible for what happens to them and 4. a bunch of other problems that I'm too exhausted to go into here. No bueno.

Not sure what this one, from the Hampshire Police last year, was trying to accomplish.

Police Have Great Advice on How Not to Get Raped This Christmas

Uh, thanks for the rape, mom? Adults need to be responsible for their kids, but: gross.

And the Hertfordshire police have made moves to improve this dismal offering:

Police Have Great Advice on How Not to Get Raped This Christmas

To this year's campaign, which declares in bold letters that NOBODY ASKS TO BE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED OR RAPED alongside pictures of people in various states of dress and revelry, is a marked improvement.

This one, from Wales in 2011, straight up instructs women to "not be a victim," which is a kind of ridiculous order to give, considering that victims are victims by virtue of the fact that they're having a thing done to them that they don't want done to them.

Police Have Great Advice on How Not to Get Raped This Christmas

And anything's better than this cutesy Christmas song with lyrics tweaked to be about rape instead of partridges in pear trees offered by West Yorkshire in a recent year past.

Police Have Great Advice on How Not to Get Raped This Christmas

At least West Yorkshire's getting better. Just yesterday, they announced a new initiative to encourage victims of rape and sexual assault to come forward, releasing a statement that read, in part,

"Sadly society at times has negative perceptions about sexual offending and these perceptions allow sexual crime to go unreported and offenders to go unpunished, we need to change those perceptions by providing people with information that enables them to understand better the nature of the problem and what it is that constitutes rape or other sexual violence.

"And that is why my commitment is to the victims of this dreadful crime that, if they come forward and tell us what has happened, we will not only do all we can to bring the offender to justice but also with our partners provide support and counsel to help them through what is a very difficult and distressing time.

But bad anti-rape PSA's aren't confined to our across-the-pond neighbors. Who could forget this Pennsylvania Liquor Control Commission stab at the well-worn Don't Get Raped! trope by implying that if you drink, your friends will get raped and it will sort of be your fault,

Police Have Great Advice on How Not to Get Raped This Christmas

Fortunately, all anti-rape PSA's aren't created equally shitty. Here's Bristol's campaign, launched last month, which does a great job shifting responsibility from victims being too victimize-able to perpetrators being, uh, rapists.

Police Have Great Advice on How Not to Get Raped This Christmas

And here's one from Canada's great Don't Be That Guy campaign,

Police Have Great Advice on How Not to Get Raped This Christmas

Hey, great! Congrats, rape ads, on not being awful!

Unfortunately, for every Don't Be That Guy and Scary Scottish Rugby Guy PSA, there's a "Women: Stop Doing Stuff" ad. And even in 2013 and that advice, for the eleven jahundredth consecutive year, has failed to eliminate rape, people are still harping on it. 12 faces a'palmin.

[Vagenda]

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