Yup, I was also thinking about the reactions of the other kids. It's that age when children like--and in some ways, need--to be able to put everything into clear-cut categories. Very black-or-white. So yeah, I can see them wondering what's up with the kid who can't easily be classified.
And the "gender explorer" stuff with the journal was the biggest red flag for me. What he seemed to be writing about was his parents' child-rearing philosophy, and pardon me for thinking that wouldn't necessarily be what he'd want to write about on his own. When I was his age, I had a journal too, but I was mostly writing stories about dinosaurs, not treatises on gender-neutral parenting.
And the "gender explorer" stuff with the journal was the biggest red flag for me. What he seemed to be writing about was his parents' child-rearing philosophy, and pardon me for thinking that wouldn't necessarily be what he'd want to write about on his own. When I was his age, I had a journal too, but I was mostly writing stories about dinosaurs, not treatises on gender-neutral parenting.
Okay, I'll buy that you're not intending to be transphobic, but at the very least you're coming off as ignorant of trans issues. Mainly, your sentence "Boys have penises and girls have vaginas." Genitalia is indicative of one's biological sex, not necessarily one's gender. Gender is a self-identification. Most of the time, yes, if a person has a vagina, that person identifies as female--but not always. There are people born with vaginas who identify as male, and people born with penises who identify as female. And some people identify as both, or neither. It's a complicated subject, and it's not as easily summed up as you made it out to be upthread.
Haha, are you kidding me? I enjoyed reading it, long as it was. I agree with the point you made about children's preferences/actions being attributed to their gender rather than their personality--it's pretty interesting. There have been studies done where a baby was dressed in first a stereotypically "male" and then a stereotypically "female" way--the same baby, mind you--and people's interactions with the kid radically changed. Holding the "girl" close, talking to "her" in a soft voice; holding the "boy" at arm's length and treating "him" more roughly. It's incredible, but sad.
I think there's an important distinction to be made here between gender-neutral and genderless. The headlines of some of the articles I've been reading about this--"Parents Raise Genderless Child" and so on--are kind of misleading, both in the sense that it implies that the parents are trying to force some concept of genderqueer identity onto their kids, and because while it seems to be the child's biological sex that everyone's wondering about, they keep asking what the child's gender is.
It looks as if the family members all know the kid's sex, and Storm will grow up knowing what hir sex is as well, and will be able to form hir gender identity on hir own. Not that the parents are refusing to let Storm know whether zie is a girl or a boy.
I support the concept of gender-neutral parenting in theory, inasmuch as it extends to neither restricting nor imposing activities on the basis of gender. But something about this whole situation rubs me the wrong way.
...oh wait, I know what it is. It's the "unschooling."
It looks as if the family members all know the kid's sex, and Storm will grow up knowing what hir sex is as well, and will be able to form hir gender identity on hir own. Not that the parents are refusing to let Storm know whether zie is a girl or a boy.
I support the concept of gender-neutral parenting in theory, inasmuch as it extends to neither restricting nor imposing activities on the basis of gender. But something about this whole situation rubs me the wrong way.
...oh wait, I know what it is. It's the "unschooling."
Oh my god, I thought I was the only person who did this! My BFF and I have a long tradition of "find the cheesiest sex scene" in bookstores. I usually win.
Okay, in total honesty I'm going to recommend any of the fanfic erotica posted by weatherfront.livejournal.com. It's mostly m/m Inception fic, but god DAMN if she doesn't post the filthiest, hottest, most swelteringly swoon-worthy stories I know. She is amazing, and my lady-parts thank her daily.
Damn, girl. Can I come to your book group?
Meh. I was never into horses or anything like that, and unicorns are probably my all-time least favorite mythological creatures. Dolphins were pretty fine by me, though, but mainly because they were so smart. Do I have to turn in my lady card now? #Groupthink
Honestly? You're in a tough situation, but it could be worse. He could've said yes to the other girl. As it is, you know that he has the integrity to decline other people's advances, which is a GOOD thing!
And if he's decided he wants to be [platonic] friends with this girl anyway...he gets to do that. Sorry. :/ I understand your being weirded out by the idea, but it seems like it would be more detrimental to your relationship to try to set boundaries on whom he can and cannot visit. Also, for all you know the offer to visit her wasn't even serious--he could just have been trying to let her down easy and doesn't actually intend to follow up on it.
I would also try to figure out a way to get him to change his password, just to remove the temptation to "check up on" him again. Because it IS hypocritical, and obviously anxiety-producing for you, and it is really, really not conducive to a mutually trusting relationship, especially if he doesn't know you're doing it.
I say this as someone who is trying to wean herself off being the crazy possessive girlfriend. So I know how you feel, and I also know how hard it is to follow my own advice. My bf gets along really well with women, so almost all of his closest friends are female, and I admit to feeling jealous/threatened sometimes, especially when he has close female friends whom I don't really get along with. But I keep reminding myself that he is allowed to have same-sex friends, and it's not my business to tell him whom he can and cannot hang out with--and I know that if he attempted to tell me not to be around my male friends, I would find it both ridiculous and annoying.
Er...good luck? Hang in there? :/ #Groupthink
And if he's decided he wants to be [platonic] friends with this girl anyway...he gets to do that. Sorry. :/ I understand your being weirded out by the idea, but it seems like it would be more detrimental to your relationship to try to set boundaries on whom he can and cannot visit. Also, for all you know the offer to visit her wasn't even serious--he could just have been trying to let her down easy and doesn't actually intend to follow up on it.
I would also try to figure out a way to get him to change his password, just to remove the temptation to "check up on" him again. Because it IS hypocritical, and obviously anxiety-producing for you, and it is really, really not conducive to a mutually trusting relationship, especially if he doesn't know you're doing it.
I say this as someone who is trying to wean herself off being the crazy possessive girlfriend. So I know how you feel, and I also know how hard it is to follow my own advice. My bf gets along really well with women, so almost all of his closest friends are female, and I admit to feeling jealous/threatened sometimes, especially when he has close female friends whom I don't really get along with. But I keep reminding myself that he is allowed to have same-sex friends, and it's not my business to tell him whom he can and cannot hang out with--and I know that if he attempted to tell me not to be around my male friends, I would find it both ridiculous and annoying.
Er...good luck? Hang in there? :/ #Groupthink
Whether I think the redesign is aesthetically pleasing or not is kind of irrelevant, I realize. So I'm not going to talk about that. And there's a learning curve that we'll all have to go through, and I accept that. It happens.
What I'm worried about is the fact that there are FEWER features than there were with the old layout, which is an obvious step backward. Cases in point: Comment notifications, hearts, unstarred commenters' ability to post to groupthink.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that the other Jezzies would agree with me when I say that I'd feel a whole lot better if I knew these things were going to be addressed in future. All it would take is an ETA saying "Hey guys, we're working on it! Don't worry, comment notifications will be back soon!"
Also, scrolling down any post is mind-numbingly slow. Seriously, guys. It's bad. :(
ETA: Okay, so I see Dodai addressed a bunch of these questions in comments. Unfortunately, it took me fifteen minutes to actually find her replies--again, it would be cool to add that to the main post so people can be reassured immediately.
What I'm worried about is the fact that there are FEWER features than there were with the old layout, which is an obvious step backward. Cases in point: Comment notifications, hearts, unstarred commenters' ability to post to groupthink.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that the other Jezzies would agree with me when I say that I'd feel a whole lot better if I knew these things were going to be addressed in future. All it would take is an ETA saying "Hey guys, we're working on it! Don't worry, comment notifications will be back soon!"
Also, scrolling down any post is mind-numbingly slow. Seriously, guys. It's bad. :(
ETA: Okay, so I see Dodai addressed a bunch of these questions in comments. Unfortunately, it took me fifteen minutes to actually find her replies--again, it would be cool to add that to the main post so people can be reassured immediately.
I wish I could heart you! Unfortunately, I don't think that's possible anymore.
@colormeroutine: I am at least fifty percent sure that I have seen that same woman on the same train.
@pugsnthugs: Aaaargh, that was the pun I was trying to think of, but couldn't. A+
@VisforVanity: For some reason, after reading your comment all I can think is: "Maggie Gallagher tried to use Feminism! But, it failed!"
@sekushinonyanko: I'd be wary of making the generalization that "most [women] don't [like anal] or really don't."
Firstly because her stats might very possibly be complete BS, but also because if 15% of women say they "really like it," how many women say they just "like it," or are indifferent to it? We don't know what the other options were, or what percentage of women chose them.
I also don't think it's such a terrible thing to do something for a partner that you yourself aren't really into, if it gives them pleasure. [Note: But not things you're uncomfortable with!] It's part of negotiating a mutually-satisfying sexual relationship. This doesn't necessarily mean women doing things for male partners, either. Example: Woman A is into bondage. Her partner, Man B, could take it or leave it, but will tie Woman A up on occasion because it makes her happy and turned on.
...okay, full disclosure, I am Woman A. But I think my point still stands.
Firstly because her stats might very possibly be complete BS, but also because if 15% of women say they "really like it," how many women say they just "like it," or are indifferent to it? We don't know what the other options were, or what percentage of women chose them.
I also don't think it's such a terrible thing to do something for a partner that you yourself aren't really into, if it gives them pleasure. [Note: But not things you're uncomfortable with!] It's part of negotiating a mutually-satisfying sexual relationship. This doesn't necessarily mean women doing things for male partners, either. Example: Woman A is into bondage. Her partner, Man B, could take it or leave it, but will tie Woman A up on occasion because it makes her happy and turned on.
...okay, full disclosure, I am Woman A. But I think my point still stands.
@pugsnthugs: Anal Patrol? I think I saw that one. Although I much preferred Anal Patrol 2: Return of the Gallagher, or Anal Patrol 3: Designed for Connection.
Oh god, I experience so much residual embarrassment every time I read a quote of hers. Most of us went through that "I'm soooooo edgy!" phase at one time or another,* but most of us were lucky enough not to have people publishing the stupid shit we said at the time.
*And that time was eighth grade.
*And that time was eighth grade.
@SuperSally: And that's bad...because...
@knagrom.b: This. It seems like this could easily be averted by saying at some point, "Hey, are we monogamous?" Why do people not talk to each other?
@MyDarlingClementine (formerly JessyBessy): Yeah, I'd use the word "compulsion" rather than "addiction." But I guess it sort of works within the context of the show.
