OMG, this would be cruel, like a dog with a chew toy or a cat with a crippled, mentally retarded mouse. I AM FOR THIS. How much are the tickets and are they taking bets? #hillaryclinton
Dude, I *so* thought this was Mandy Moore it's not even funny. Whoa. #elle
Uh...I dunno how much MORE anxiety I could have had as a knocked-up teenager with an abusive boyfriend and a mother who hadn't yet realized her own potential, but my newborn baby was 8 lbs. even, dude. Healthier than a horse. Just saying.
WHERE'S MY FUCKEN WAFFLE ROBOT, DAMN IT?! #breakfast
OMG, this made me teary. I suck. #singlemoms
Hm, Starbucks? Come on, for that level of douchebag attention whoring, don't you mean, like, Four Barrel? Or at least Ritual. #theonion
Or, you know, avant crotch. Sorry, B. BUT COME ON. #lindsaylohan
@Ulookinatmyjunk, JOC: Oh, it's not an inconvenience, I just find it repugnant. #sadness
@prettycool: HAWT. #shoes
Public crying is awkward. People should cut it out. Especially if / when they're wailing over some celebrity dying. Morons. #sadness
Oh, good. We can eat all that Halloween candy my wife bought last night at Target! Super dreamy. #sweetestday
Dude, this gave me a migraine. #mileycyrus
PS. Principal Greer's contact info: rdgreer@copiah.k12.ms.us | (601) 643-2221 ]
YOU CANNOT KEEP A BITCH WITH SHINY ASS HAIR DOWN, PEOPLE. #tuxedoyearbookpicture
Somebody needs to start a FREE CEARA tumblr or something. This is almost boring it's so ridiculous. Poor dear.
Her hair is kind of epic. Plus.
Whatever, I'm sick at home, so I might as well call that dickwad principal every hour on the hour tomorrow. God. #tuxedoyearbookpicture
@ManofReason: I really want to just smile bitchily and say, "I'd shake your hand, but statistically speaking it would be kind of like shaking your penis and also I'm a lesbian, so...no thanks!" whenever a work colleague offers a handshake from now on.
That's a lie. I've always felt that way. But still. Renewed vitriol and whatnot. #animals
Badass. Your quirky bashful face in the beginning was kind of the best part, though, aside from all of the spot-on things said. Can't wait to show the tomboy!
That dog is not cute. It looks like a moth.
I have no jaywords for this young man, except that he could stand to pinch his cheeks or something. Just a little flush, just a touch.
As a lesbian mama, this warms my heart.
@netfe, @theKP; Death to you both. Just kidding. You know what I really hate?
1. Picking up dog shit when I have a scarf on out of necessity. It's fucking hazardous. Ditto on the large bag.
2. I have 2 dogs, and it BURNS ME when one poops all the way at the end of one leash and the other one goes all the way to the end of his leash, and I have to just stand and wait there like some sort of sad dog shit scarecrow, blocking the entire walkway in the park.
In which case the fact that I'm not wearing slippers in public becomes a sort of lifejacket of dignity, you know?
She really just needs to separate those curls.
