I've that of that, of course -- a mostly male-centered course of reading over my whole life would do that too. I only recently realised that the intro to lit course I teach every semester has no female authors -- this was not an omission I made on purpose -- though it does contain a number of strong female figures. (Albeit written by men...)
Then again, in my professional context, I've seen women sacrifice their career progress in the excessive attempt to embody traditional female qualities, in a way that did harm both to themselves and to the younger women being mentored by them. So I've grown to believe that sometimes traditionally male qualities can be more productive -- when also not excessive, of course.
I value people who compromise in the right moments, but, first, I don't think they make for interesting fiction, and second, I don't value compromise when the better course of action would be a firm stand. (See: Obama.) It's all a matter of context and measure -- "compromise" is not an absolute good for me. Re: "working well with others," that could be a very positive thing, but it could also be a way of describing someone who's a pushover, doesn't know how to say "no," and ultimately hurts themselves as well as their group by taking on more than they can handle. (The inability to say "no" because I want to be seen as helpful and a team player is something I struggle with, because I'm an academic, I need to research, and a measure of "selfishness" in that respect actually serves my colleagues, employers, and students better, in that it assures me a longer career in which to teach and be a colleague. It's a tough balance.) That's part of what I meant with the last sentence -- a person can think they're embodying a wonderful feminine quality, but in the wrong context or measure it can be a way of drawing extra bullshit upon one's self.
I'm a lot like you -- only child, always thought of my personality as "masculine," reared with, if anything, the expectation that I would do better than a son would have at school and in my career. I suspect I'm really much more typically "feminine" than I recognize at this point -- I mean, fuck, the fact that yesterday I was lying in the bath reading aloud to my belly (containing 8-month fetus) is something I never even imagined I might possibly do. But when it comes to traditional feminine qualities, I'd say this: when applied correctly, I want all people to practice them, and would rather they not be seen as feminine at all; when applied incorrectly, they can be damaging, and in practice are damaging towards women in professional life; and finally, they don't make for interesting fiction either way.
Ha ha! Yes, we will be those annoying people. I loved second trimester -- so much energy, less caffeine (just once a day for pleasure, instead of the usual 4-5 cup addiction), no periods, general feeling great about everything. I would like about five years of second trimester.
Now things are starting to wear -- my sleep is so disrupted that I'm starting to think I'd rather have the kiddo here and waking me up, because then at least I would be physically able to fall asleep afterwards. (I suspect it's not that simple.) But really, I've been very lucky -- especially since this had promised to be a high risk pregnancy, and could have ended in bed rest.
Now the real superpowers come in!
Hey sister! I figure I must have lost weight in the other places too, because I've gained about 16-17 lbs-- well, by last week. And that's starting from the second trimester -- I'd lost five pounds during the first, due to not being able to eat. Everyone still reading will hate us for this (rightly), but this is the first time in my life when I've done anything but gain weight. Weird.
I sprung for two prenatal massages, and while they were wonderful and relaxing and made me feel better about being in my body, they didn't really help with the back pain for a significant period of time. The only thing I found really helped were prenatal yoga, pilates, dance videos. And when they help, they help for precisely 2-3 days. I have two painfree days after doing the workout, and then on the third day the pain begins again. Well, so it was earlier in the pregnancy.
Best of luck with the induction!
I've always preferred to read about male characters because they did more interesting things. Sure, some of my favourite novels when I grew up had female protagonists (Persuasion, The Blue Castle), but there I identified with the women's emotions. I can't recall much about what they did. Reading Byron's Don Juan, on the other hand, was exciting and fun, even if his emotional world didn't resonate with mine. Guess which book I've read more often.
You know, as a woman who has always tended to identify more with male characters, I have to say that I don't particularly value traditionally feminine qualities. I mean, they're ok, and everything, but I find them uninteresting to read about in literature, and I resent the fact that I'm supposed to live up to them in real life. Over the years I've probably been socialized into more of them than I care to, but I can't understand why I should be, say, more nurturing than the man I'm married to, or why I should put up with more bullshit at work than my male colleagues do.
I agree -- it's dicey and weird. I'm a month away from my due date, and I didn't start showing until quite late (month 5 or 6) and am still quite small now, depending on the day. I don't look pregnant from the back. If I got a full night's sleep and did yoga, I'm pretty spry, walk quickly everywhere, get up easily, etc. If I didn't, I waddle and "get up" like a pregnant woman because my sciatica is killing me. My breasts are a little larger, but still probably a B-cup. Frankly, it was uncanny enough to have people start staring at my belly all the time -- I would find it so freaky to have people speculating on whether I'm really pregnant because I don't show all the signs they want to see.
I mean, bitch, you can't see my acid reflux. Don't mean it ain't there.
Excellent point, my friend. Excellent point. This is one for the scholastic philosophers.
Omigod, that was lovely.
Speaking of his English, which is just fine as far as I can tell (what the hell do I know, I only teach it in a university), how freakin' annoying was Leno in his interview of Dujardin? Dujardin is sitting there being witty and delightful in English, and Leno is speaking in baby sentences and over-enunciating them and yelling like he's talking to a hearing-impaired two year-old. My appreciation for Dujardin's charm went up five thousand percent, because I would have had a hard time not clocking Leno one.
He would have done better just to state his accomplishments without trying to "interpret" them for his audience -- "this is all because I am trying to improve myself and take on greater challenges." No one cares about his life improvement goals. And if the accomplishments are impressive, they can tell he's the kind of person who doesn't shirk from a challenge. Just say what you did, what your skills are, and let them decide.
I'm sorry -- you think criticisms of the FDA are "knee-jerk fear-based conspiracy theories"?
That kid is going to hate her mom something fierce when she's older and sees what was done to her.
I'm trying to think of a gentler way to put this, but I can't: you are a bit deluded.
Unless your prof is sleeping with the student or related to her, his recommendation of her is the result of her hard work and ability and merit. I don't put my reputation on the line for shitty students, and most of my colleagues don't either. She's not slipping through any sort of back doors -- the university course is the front door to the career she is pursuing, especially given that the career is directly related to the degree. Maybe if you had been the person who impressed that prof -- or another one -- you would have been the person who got a direct line to HR. But for some reason, you weren't. She was.
Regarding "who you know," if you think that networking is not an essential practice in the professional world, I can't help you much. I know it's used as a bad word, but even as someone who came to adolescent and adult life with pretty much no family connections or money (we were immigrants twice over), I swear by it. I got a job with my family dentist -- but that was after showing up for free months on end, having arranged an internship with them to explore the profession. (I guess they figured if I came for free I'd show up for money too.) I got work at my high school library -- because I spent all my time in the library and helped out anyway. One of my teachers recommended me for some summer work his neighbor needed done -- because he knew me and knew I was responsible. I wound up working for his neighbor's company off and on for seven years. This was just high school, but it continued in undergrad and grad school. Just about every job I have ever had came through a connection and most were not advertised, but every single one of those "connections" was someone who knew me from my schoolwork, extracurricular activities, or work. Now, I'm sure someone next to me could have wondered why I got all these jobs dropped in my lap that they couldn't even apply for, but I had already shown "what I knew" before I was even hired. The "who I knew" were just people who could attest to it.
What you're missing when you imagine yourself as the gladiator of the gory job market arena is that hiring is also a pain in the ass and invariably takes time and money people and companies would rather spend otherwise. For small jobs or positions, that means if you can save yourself the process and still hire someone decent based on a rec you trust, you've saved yourself days or weeks of work and time. For important jobs or positions, "who you know" is that much more essential, since hiring a psycho who looks good on paper could destroy your organization for years. You might still have an open and advertised application process (though many important positions are recruited or invitation-only), but the word of people you trust will matter a lot.
This is the world -- this is how it works. It happens to make quite a bit of sense most of the time. Get used to it.
Oh my god, that clip was so good.
On the other hand, what a brilliant weeding mechanism.
Well, ideally she shouldn't have your roommate and boyfriend's phone numbers. Block her from your facebook page. Make it a practice not to return calls right away, unless the vm specifies that it's an emergency and what kind of emergency it is.
But I understand... I don't have helicopter parents, but I made the mistake of giving them my work number, and for two years they kept calling me in my office. It interrupted my work! I don't go home until my work is done! And these were never 2 minute calls to clarify something -- they wanted to chat for hours. I would complain about each parent's habit of calling me in the office, and they only slowly got the point. Eventually I got to not answering, or to saying right away, "What is it I'm working." And when they'd ask me if I had time, I'd say no.
See, I'm on mat leave right now. Not teaching. So I'm just seeing the students who hang around the department or who feel it appropriate to bring me baked goods. My perspective is a little rosy right now.
I went through a long period of being a bit resentful of many of the people around me, of how easily they got into the grad school I had to fight to get into, of how many opportunities they had handed to them on a platter during college... and so on. And yes, sometimes also of the money they had behind them.
What changed? Well, partly, I have a potentially-permanent job and many of them don't. And the ones who were expecting a lot from life are really, really bitter now. I think I had a much healthier attitude going in and throughout grad school knowing that failure and unemployment were potential outcomes -- I knew what those actually meant from my own family, realised what kind of a financial risk I was taking, and made the decision very soberly. How do you teach these things to someone who doesn't need to learn them?
Precisely. And the fact that someone wouldn't see the difference between earned rewards in a field and mommy doing all your work for you.... worries me.
Did we write nearly the same thing at the same time? (See my comment just above.) I love my job and have wonderful students, but I still shake my head at how needy they are. In a way, I think it's great that my (expensive, private) college provides them with so much support -- they're less likely to fall through the cracks as some of my friends did in an excellent but enormous and impersonal public research university. On the other hand, I pity them the failures they don't have. My extremely shitty first year (and some other key disappointments around that time) gave me some fierce motivation that propelled me to an Ivy grad school and a job right out of my PhD. (There was also luck, of course, but damned if I didn't work hard for that luck.) There were priviledged kids in my grad school too, but they seemed to expect success, whereas I knew I would have to fight no matter what, and also that I would survive no matter what.
Ha! I love that!
