Realistically speaking, people very rarely change unless they want to, put forth effort and undergo a lot of therapy (from someone who is not Anonymous, clearly). People tend to repeat behavior patterns with surprising predictability. I would also like to point out that, from a child development perspective, having any kind of abusive parent, particularly in the early, developmental years, has a lot of long lasting negative effects on individuals. So in most cases, NO, abusive relationships are not good, it is not good to stay in one, etc. The fact that you were subjected to one for nine years is abhorrent. Just because you feel glad that you have a relationship with your father now does not mean this therapist should be advising people that abusive relationships can or should last.
Thank you. Everything you said was spot on.
Me too.
I agree. I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful therapist (PhD), and I know for a fact she would find a lot of this therapist's opinions to be misinformed.
Agreed. So many of the things this therapist said are just plain horrible. I would like to take this opportunity to point out that, just because someone is a therapist does not mean they're a good one. I think too many people place weight on what therapists say not understanding that they're human beings too and all of their advice/answers are not magically right because they have a title.
"Can a relationship survive if there is physical abuse?
Absolutely."
Anonymous lost me right there. I'm glad he/she is not my therapist.
While I personally think Adele is a mediocre singer and do not really understand the insane amount of praise she receives, I completely agree with Cho's sentiments here. Picking on someone's body/weight is oh so low.
So if he purchased the laptop and gave it away instead of shooting it, would it still be creepy and controlling?
I answered this up thread, but I'll recap for you:
No, it would not be. Because giving it away to a good cause is quite a different act than taking it outside and blowing it to pieces with your firearm. There is an element of violence to the latter act which makes it more intimidating and controlling than the former. Although the former would still be shitty if she paid for it in the first place, which she did.
How can you agree that my parental situation was excessively controlling and then think this guy shooting his daughter's laptop is OK? Does.not.compute.
"Yes, this would be extremely inappropriate behavior if he were her husband, but if he were here husband, it would be equally inappropriate, in my opinion, for him to ground her or take away her privileges, something we both seem to agree is appropriate in a parent-child relationship."
--Yes, I agree. There is a different dynamic to a parent-child relationship and a husband-wife relationship. But taking a gun to anyone's personal property because you're pissed at them (whether it be the property of your daughter, wife, mother, friend, coworker, whoever) is incredibly not OK.
"These posts have, honestly, made me feel more critical and distrustful of guys."
I reached my threshold a long time ago. Nothing out of the mouths of men shocks me any more. I generally expect them to say stupid shit when it comes to women.
Please don't throw yourself out a window. I share your sentiments. Hearted.
That's really irrelevant i.e. whether or not YOU personally consider it menacing. As I said before, if this was a husband doing this to his wife's property, we'd be telling her to get the hell away from the guy, pronto. It doesn't make it any different because she's his daughter. He doesn't own her or get to destroy her personal property through the use of violence because he's the parent. A grounding or taking away of privileges was the appropriate punishment here. This is intimidation and controlling behavior at its finest.
Personal story: My parents were very controlling when I was a teen and throughout my college years. They felt that since they supported me financially, they had the right to make ALL of my decisions for me i.e. regarding my body, lifestyle, etc. and would become manipulative and controlling if I didn't behave in a way of which they approved.
I remember one time I came home from college with a new tattoo, and my father was so furious he told me he was never going to let me go back to school again since I clearly just made bad decisions on my own. He then proceeded to confiscate my car keys, go outside, rip the battery out of the hood of my car so I couldn't start it and hide the battery from me. Freaked out and upset, I called my aunt and uncle, who picked me up 30 minutes later. I stayed with them for a week until my dad calmed down (I would like to point out that I was 22 when this was going on).
My relationship with my parents, while improved, still has these unhealthy elements of control in it, and I have psychologically suffered from it. At 26 I'm still struggling with anxiety and depression, a lot of which has to do with my upbringing in an uber strict, stifling household. My point being, parenting like a dictator is NOT healthy, particularly for your child.
Oh jesus. I would love for you to say that to my psychotherapist. Having been parented by two very controlling, dictatoresque parents, much like this man, I can assure you this is not healthy.
Being a parent does not grant you the authority to do "whatever works" for you, especially if it is psychologically unhealthy/unstable and contributing to a volatile/hostile home environment.
And my parents were out there, but they never took a gun to my shit.
Yes. Because the act of destroying it with a gun is threatening and violent in nature. He's a parent, not a fucking dictator. Think about it.
However, selling it if he did not originally pay for it would also have been out of line. Just not as horrible as shooting the hell out of it.
Thank you. Hearted in return.
I was aware that many religious organizations are staunchly anti-choice, but I had no idea they were also against birth control too. What is up with these people and their obsession with bringing unwanted babies into the world?
Well said.
So, because he's her parent it's totally OK for him to destroy her computer with a gun? That's INSANE. When your kid does something you don't like, you ground them, take aways some privileges, etc. Not go in the fucking backyard and use your .45 to destroy her laptop all while videotaping it. Would YOU do this if you were a parent? Do YOU think this is good parenting?
I'm sorry, but what is wrong with you? It almost makes it worse that he's a parent because what kind of example is he setting for his daughter? Yes, he had a right to react with anger. And yes, parents do have a right to demand respect from their children. They DO NOT have a right to take their .45 to their children's stuff when said child does something inappropriate. That is not discipline, that is insanity.
It doesn't matter who bought the laptop (even though the daughter did in this case, not the father). The point is, taking someone's personal property and destroying it with a firearm as payback for something the other person did that you don't like is twisted. That is controlling and yes, creepy. What parent in their right mind would do that? It's completely inappropriate and off the wall. Would you shoot your kids shit up if they did something you didn't like? I don't think so. And if you would, you're just as nuts as this guy.
