Where are the fat twins riding their motorcycles? That little Michelin Man-looking boy eating his Happy Meal? Oprah pulling her wagon of fat? The headless torsos on the nightly news stories about diabetes? Will not one of them speak for us?
What happened to the nation that considers ketchup a vegetable and only eats yogurt when they need to have a regular poop cycle? That's the dream my forefathers set sail for these shores to find. The values my community still holds dear. The ones I will pass on to my future children, and my children's children.
First Hostess goes bankrupt and I said nothing because I was not a Ding Dong. What's next, America? Using apples for something that doesn't involve pie, or not eating whipped cream straight from the can? Are we going to start doing sit-ups (plural!) and/or biking for fun? What are we, Dutch?