Wow, whomever decided this was an acceptable post is not a decent member of the human race... much like the men who perpetrated, filmed, and uploaded this in the first place. Thanks for once being a place where I met great, intelligent, feminist-minded commenters and writers, and thanks for using this post to perfectly illustrate the vast difference between the Jezebel I fell in love with in 2008 and the Jezebel I'm deleting my account from in 2012.
FUCK YOU.
FUCK YOU.
I donated in her name last night, a dollar for every year that PP has provided me health care. You can have the thank-you card sent to her c/o SGK! That is, if you can find their address-- the SGK site is down.
My mom just turned 60 and had to cancel her insurance-- just to cover her and my dad via private insurance was $1200/MONTH. How does your mom think she could cover that? And my parents are pretty healthy, active folks.
I know one of those people: she has an office job AND a trust fund.
I have a seven-month-old son, here's the rough cost breakdown thus far:
basic prenatal care (appointments, not tests or ultrasounds) and the birth/hospital stay, including my son's neonatal care (I was induced, had a vaginal birth with an epidural): $23k. Insurance covered all but $3500. My first pre-natal appointment included $1000 worth of blood tests, which were 90% covered. My one ultrasound at 20 weeks was $1000 with 90% covered. I had severe back problems while pregnant, so I had approximately 20 prenatal massages covered by insurance at $100/each. I had leg pain at 8m and went to the emergency room, which was $2k. Thus far, before the kid and I left the hospital, pregnancy (not including maternity clothing, the Snoogle pillow, and my bottomless desire for burritos and ginger ale) and birth cost us almost $30k. The breast pump was covered by insurance and was $400 new.
basic prenatal care (appointments, not tests or ultrasounds) and the birth/hospital stay, including my son's neonatal care (I was induced, had a vaginal birth with an epidural): $23k. Insurance covered all but $3500. My first pre-natal appointment included $1000 worth of blood tests, which were 90% covered. My one ultrasound at 20 weeks was $1000 with 90% covered. I had severe back problems while pregnant, so I had approximately 20 prenatal massages covered by insurance at $100/each. I had leg pain at 8m and went to the emergency room, which was $2k. Thus far, before the kid and I left the hospital, pregnancy (not including maternity clothing, the Snoogle pillow, and my bottomless desire for burritos and ginger ale) and birth cost us almost $30k. The breast pump was covered by insurance and was $400 new.
Our insurance covers well-baby checkups at the appropriate times 100% including vaccinations, so that's been nice. I EBF until 6m, and we've started subbing in formula once a day so his dad can hang out with him. Formula (Similac organic) is $25/month.
I subscribe via Amazon for diapers, so a box of the fancy-pants Pampers is $38/month, and I supplement with cloth as needed. We buy a box of Costco wipes every other month for $20, so about $10/month.
I make about 70% of our baby food out of fruits and veggies we have anyway, but let's say I spend another $30/month on pre-made baby food.
Our crib/mattress was a gift from my parents, as was the second-hand rocking chair. We've been gifted a jumperoo and a walker thing (we're in a one-story apt, so no stairs), a swing, a jogging stroller, two diaper bags, and tons of new or hand-me-down baby clothes (and when my son outgrows things, they go on to other friends with younger kids). We paid $200 for a dresser instead of a changing table with an eye for his future, and our stroller/car seat "travel system" was $300 (Chicco KeyFit 30). The kid is an inch away from outgrowing it, so it'll be another $100+ for a convertible seat that'll fit him for the next 40+lbs. Our monthly output for toys/clothes/incidentals is probably $30.
I'm in grad school full-time in an online program, with two quarters left. I stay at home with the kid, so no childcare-- but when I finish, I'll probably volunteer based around grandma-offered childcare hours, because childcare would run as much as I'd make temping until I find a FT position in my field.
So roughly, without equipment, I'd say we spend approximately $130/month on the kid, not including paying off the $4500 in medical bills from pregnancy. Never let anyone tell you that it's easy or cheap to have a baby-- even with good insurance, it's expensive. I love my dude to pieces, but my husband and I took 10 years before we felt we were emotionally/financially ready, and I'm very glad we waited. I wouldn't have had the patience I have now if I'd gotten knocked up at 20 like half my friends from high school.
four words, personally experienced: third degree perineal tear. I love my then-10lb kid, but sweet christ, he came out of me like the Kool-Aid Man.
Michelle miscarried years ago while using BC and thinks that BC is what caused it, therefore they no longer use it and accept what God (and fertility cycles) hand them, reproductive-wise.
My heart goes out to you and your husband. I miscarried 13 years ago next weekend and I still think about it. (Though I do have a child now, I still think about possibilities.)
My husband's black-sheep burnout uncle told the family he was convicted of molesting his girlfriend's daughter "but it was a misunderstanding and she apologized". The family basically declared him dead after that (which is significantly easier to do because he lives across the country from the rest of them). He came back to town for one brother's funeral and it was unspoken that he was not welcome in anyone's homes or with their kids. If he comes back again, he will not be meeting my son.
Lackey was my LIFE when I was 12-15! Re-read Xanth now and if you're like me, you'll cringe. He's SUPER into nubile young nymphs, and it's squicky territory as an adult. As a junior high student, I didn't notice.
The backstory is that the dragons are genetically engineered from small flying lizards native to the Pern planet, which was reached via spaceship.
I was going to ask the same thing! Valdemar has a pretty firm set of rules for magic, and it's certainly a prolific enough series.
I've managed to lose my pregnancy weight (breastfeeding and not getting to eat regularly because he's high-needs), and I'm back to pretty much where I was pre-pregnancy. My boobs are bigger (by at least a cup), and my stomach's a little flabbier (and marked up), but overall, I feel like I've gotten my body back. I mean, it looks pretty similar to pre-pregnancy body. However, my pelvis still feels a little weird and sometimes I pee when I sneeze, despite Kegeling for months. My feet didn't grow, thank goodness (I already wear an 11), but my boobs went up a cup size by 8 weeks and another cup size once my milk came in. Due to the prenatal vitamins, my hair has looked fantastic (though I know at some point it's supposed to fall out). The thing that stands out to me overall is how my stomach looks-- I had a 10lb baby, and my stretch marks didn't show up until week 36, when they came in like an invading horde, practically overnight-- no amount of oiling and lotioning was able to stop them. They're slowly fading, as is my linea nigra. From the birth itself, I have a scar from tearing and scars from the four attempts at an epidural (three unsuccessful and one successful). But they aren't very visible, so I generally don't think about them. It's cliche, but I do sort of see them as battle scars-- I did something I was afraid to do and I came out the other side successfully. Anyone who doesn't want to see them (at the beach or something) can get bent, I don't wear my body for the public.
the happiest I've ever been with my body was pregnancy-- especially like months 5-8. I had a truly epic case of "if you don't like it, you can fuck right off", and wore a lot of maternity miniskirts (I don't wear minis when I'm not up the stick) with big boots and big hair. Pregnancy gave me a chance to bring out my inner badass.
There's an upside: every woman does pregnancy and post-partum bodies differently. My size 11 shoes stayed size 11 (but I gave up on shoes that laced by 7 months and spent the last 2.5 months in flipflops or shoving my feet into old running shoes). I gained 15lbs with lil' Ipo, and within a month of giving birth, had lost a) all my baby weight and b) 10lbs more (breastfeeding, sweating out water weight, not eating, stress, misery). I am not a petite lady and have never had an easy time taking weight off, but exclusively BF and not having the time to eat the way I want to has resulted in weight loss. I'm now getting regular exercise because I know that he'll nap when I go out with the stroller, so we're doing Couch to 5K (he naps in the stroller or the carseat, that's it). And I'm not drinking like I was pre-pregnancy-- instead 2-3 glasses of wine a night, I get one after he's asleep.
[www.ncsl.org]
It's legal. If it makes you uncomfortable, don't look. When I feed my baby, I (and every other nursing mother I've ever seen) don't whip the tit out and wave it around while positioning the kid. He's in position and then there's some fancy handiwork to undo a bra and lift/lower a shirt as fast as possible so my kid stops screaming like I'm poking him with pins.
I'm not trying to make others uncomfortable. I'm feeding my kid, who, frankly, is more important than everyone else TO ME. Some people are uncomfortable when they see (pick one or all): fat people, old people, ugly people, homeless people, people with physical or mental disabilities, etc. Do we expect them to not cross our line of sight?
Most of us do cover up, lest we offend someone or give someone yet another reason they think they have the right to comment on what we do with our bodies. Covering up was great until my kid decided that he would push the hider off. If it was on, he'd grunt and cry and moan because he couldn't see. What's more distracting-- the unseen beast at my boob or the back of my kid's quiet head?
Parents who bring kids to places that aren't designed for them (fancy restaurants, bars, certain theater performances) are jerks, and I'll happily grant that. It's part of being both a responsive parent and a respectful member of society to realize that your kid's in the "hawkbaby" part of life and probably not ready to sit quietly through a three-course meal. Once I have a job, we'll be (hopefully) able to afford to get a babysitter and eat out. But it's also part of being a decent human being and a respectful member of society to realize that kids are going to be around, and, where kids are, there's probably going to be breastfeeding. I breastfed at lunch with a friend on Monday-- I sat with my back to the restaurant (and facing my friend) and fed the kid, and he stopped fussing and went to sleep. It was less than ten minutes of an uncovered-by-clothing boob, or ten minutes of a screaming kid while getting the check and the meal boxed. The boob is, 90% of the time, the quickest way to shut a baby up.
It's legal. If it makes you uncomfortable, don't look. When I feed my baby, I (and every other nursing mother I've ever seen) don't whip the tit out and wave it around while positioning the kid. He's in position and then there's some fancy handiwork to undo a bra and lift/lower a shirt as fast as possible so my kid stops screaming like I'm poking him with pins.
I'm not trying to make others uncomfortable. I'm feeding my kid, who, frankly, is more important than everyone else TO ME. Some people are uncomfortable when they see (pick one or all): fat people, old people, ugly people, homeless people, people with physical or mental disabilities, etc. Do we expect them to not cross our line of sight?
Most of us do cover up, lest we offend someone or give someone yet another reason they think they have the right to comment on what we do with our bodies. Covering up was great until my kid decided that he would push the hider off. If it was on, he'd grunt and cry and moan because he couldn't see. What's more distracting-- the unseen beast at my boob or the back of my kid's quiet head?
Parents who bring kids to places that aren't designed for them (fancy restaurants, bars, certain theater performances) are jerks, and I'll happily grant that. It's part of being both a responsive parent and a respectful member of society to realize that your kid's in the "hawkbaby" part of life and probably not ready to sit quietly through a three-course meal. Once I have a job, we'll be (hopefully) able to afford to get a babysitter and eat out. But it's also part of being a decent human being and a respectful member of society to realize that kids are going to be around, and, where kids are, there's probably going to be breastfeeding. I breastfed at lunch with a friend on Monday-- I sat with my back to the restaurant (and facing my friend) and fed the kid, and he stopped fussing and went to sleep. It was less than ten minutes of an uncovered-by-clothing boob, or ten minutes of a screaming kid while getting the check and the meal boxed. The boob is, 90% of the time, the quickest way to shut a baby up.
"It's so inconceivably entitled and rude and the fact that you don't see that is infuriating."
Please apply that quote to this quote:
"I see the public exposed breastfeeding not as a sign of wonderful empowering feminism, but as a further move on the part of "enlightened" new mothers to do whatever the fuck they want because they're doing "the most important job in the world" and anyone who disagrees, is uncomfortable or inconvenienced is an unenlightened shrew. "
I'm not saying you're an unenlightened shrew, I'm saying you're acting like a short-sighted person who may not be considering all sides of the situation. Please, enlighten us as to where in public it is appropriate to feed a hungry infant.
Please apply that quote to this quote:
"I see the public exposed breastfeeding not as a sign of wonderful empowering feminism, but as a further move on the part of "enlightened" new mothers to do whatever the fuck they want because they're doing "the most important job in the world" and anyone who disagrees, is uncomfortable or inconvenienced is an unenlightened shrew. "
I'm not saying you're an unenlightened shrew, I'm saying you're acting like a short-sighted person who may not be considering all sides of the situation. Please, enlighten us as to where in public it is appropriate to feed a hungry infant.
First, you need to separate "asshole parents" from parenting. Asshole parents bring babies to places where they're not a good fit-- like the Shakespeare festival. When in doubt, I call ahead to see if it's okay that I bring the kid somewhere. And if it's not, I don't go.
Parenting is when you can't afford a babysitter (or don't know one) and have three kids, two of whom have been hounding you for weeks to see The Lion King. You're in the middle of the movie with two kids, let's say they're four and six. Your infant gets upset-- do you drag all three out of the movie and then face down three screaming kids? Or do you do your best to attempt to soothe one and let the other two see the movie?
A breastpump (a reliable one) is expensive. I got lucky and my health insurance covered mine, but it was $400 before insurance, and $70 after. A hand-held is often inefficient, and regardless of the method (expression, manual, or electric), pumping is time-consuming. I've resorted to doing it in my car because that's 30 minutes where I know my son is safe and I won't have to pick him up.
Bottles-- four out of the eight babies in my moms' group don't take bottles or cups. It's boob or bust, and their moms can't afford to stay home from work anymore and are freaking out that their babies aren't eating while they're at work. I didn't take a bottle ever, so my mom wasn't away from me for more than an hour for SIX MONTHS.
Babysitters-- "Hey, you can afford to go see a movie and get dinner! Now add on $8-12/hr for someone to watch your kid so you might not have to feed them in public!" My kid's five months old and we've gone out once because we can't afford a babysitter.
But you're right. I should definitely never go anywhere that I might end up having to BF the kid. Guess that cancels my plans to go get my emissions test and renew my car tabs. "Sorry, officer! The DMV is open when I'm my child's sole caretaker, and I was afraid someone might see a glimpse of boob while my kid eats!"
I'm uncomfortable when I see a lot of facts of human existence. Instead of demanding that they get out of my precious line of sight, I lady the fuck up and deal with it.
Parenting is when you can't afford a babysitter (or don't know one) and have three kids, two of whom have been hounding you for weeks to see The Lion King. You're in the middle of the movie with two kids, let's say they're four and six. Your infant gets upset-- do you drag all three out of the movie and then face down three screaming kids? Or do you do your best to attempt to soothe one and let the other two see the movie?
A breastpump (a reliable one) is expensive. I got lucky and my health insurance covered mine, but it was $400 before insurance, and $70 after. A hand-held is often inefficient, and regardless of the method (expression, manual, or electric), pumping is time-consuming. I've resorted to doing it in my car because that's 30 minutes where I know my son is safe and I won't have to pick him up.
Bottles-- four out of the eight babies in my moms' group don't take bottles or cups. It's boob or bust, and their moms can't afford to stay home from work anymore and are freaking out that their babies aren't eating while they're at work. I didn't take a bottle ever, so my mom wasn't away from me for more than an hour for SIX MONTHS.
Babysitters-- "Hey, you can afford to go see a movie and get dinner! Now add on $8-12/hr for someone to watch your kid so you might not have to feed them in public!" My kid's five months old and we've gone out once because we can't afford a babysitter.
But you're right. I should definitely never go anywhere that I might end up having to BF the kid. Guess that cancels my plans to go get my emissions test and renew my car tabs. "Sorry, officer! The DMV is open when I'm my child's sole caretaker, and I was afraid someone might see a glimpse of boob while my kid eats!"
I'm uncomfortable when I see a lot of facts of human existence. Instead of demanding that they get out of my precious line of sight, I lady the fuck up and deal with it.
Yeah-- after about four weeks, my son started grabbing the hider/blanket and just absentmindedly yanking it around when I fed him.
If someone's freaked out by my boob, the other option is to listen to my upset and hungry baby.
If someone's freaked out by my boob, the other option is to listen to my upset and hungry baby.
The first time I breastfed in public was also one of the first times the kid and I had ventured out together. I had the state law pulled up on my phone's browser just in case someone got in my face.
Happily, nobody has. I was at lunch this week with another BF-ing friend and the staff at the restaurant gave us a big booth, brought us water when we nursed (without asking) and chatted us and our babies up.
For the most part, I've used a hooter hider, but the kid's almost five months, and he wants to watch everything while he eats, so I've just adjusted to doing layers, cardigans, and a wicked stinkeye.
Happily, nobody has. I was at lunch this week with another BF-ing friend and the staff at the restaurant gave us a big booth, brought us water when we nursed (without asking) and chatted us and our babies up.
For the most part, I've used a hooter hider, but the kid's almost five months, and he wants to watch everything while he eats, so I've just adjusted to doing layers, cardigans, and a wicked stinkeye.
