Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on Pulitzers Can't Protect Washington Post Editor's Job

"I'm getting that nauseated feeling you get when you're in an airplane and the Semtex hidden by someone in the aft bathroom has detonated and the plane's started doing that roller-coaster thing and your inner ear can't tell if you're flying upside down or not. I think maybe someday we'll look back and see that it was Howell Raines who either hid or detonated the Semtex."

Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on Park Slope Hate Reaching Critical Mass

"I remember, yes, when Park Slope had a kind of Inwood-style wistful lostness about it."

Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on Marc Jacobs Trannies Up for Interview

"Well, very clearly these get-ups are impractical for your average working woman of means because other than a handful of cruelty-free circuses doing the college-town circuit in the south of France, few businesses allow their managers to dress as wistful clowns and smoke cigarettes in the workplace. My thinking is that Jacobs is directing this aesthetic at the sort of young woman who subsidizes her reproductive rights activism by doing makeup or lighting for experimental theater."

Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on Breaking: Ted Kennedy Rushed To Hospital

"@PandoraSpocks: For all the senator's enormous sins, they were committed in the private sector, or on the private sector, or simultaneously both. When balanced against recent presidential wrong doings committed against the nation, such as Iran-Contra, for example, or that military thing going on in Iraq that left-wing radicals whine about constantly, Teddy's vast fuck-ups don't seem quite so vast. As for cocksmanship, not even Teddy can hold a candle, large or small, to ever-delightful Strom Thurmond, about whom Senator John Tower once mused, "When ol' Strom dies, they'll have to beat his pecker down with a baseball bat to get the coffin closed.""

Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on Amy Winehouse Doing Some Sort Of Drug Thing On YouTube

"Not long into this, Pete Doherty points out that the baby mouse has a penis. Perhaps more disturbing is that you can see Amy's eyes reflexively focus on the tiny organ. It seems to me somehow significant that people who barely have the neurological wherewithal to stand upright can nonetheless muster what it takes to notice the penis on a baby mouse."

Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on Ugly Sweater, Fats and Villainy Invade 'Top Chef'

"Dear Josh, About that sweater -- and I'm sure Nina Hagen will completely back me up on this -- I'm really seeing you looking your best in bespoke crotchless panties with the thinest of neon-yellow piping around the waist. Also, I'm seeing you wearing your flattering crotchless panties while sitting atop a very warm toaster oven, and you're doing something fun and self-indulgent, like giving yourself a pedicure. But the toaster oven is not set to the sort of high temperature needed for broiling turkey wings, so you mustn't think of the oven's "warmth" as any kind of punishment. A word to the wise, as they say! Yours, Hamud "My Passion Is Fashion" Ibn Hamud"

Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on Obama's Jewish Problem

"@Bell County: In a post that finds its leverage in belittling Jewish sensitivity to real or perceived threats, and following any number of comments that find their leverage in same, it's a relief to see someone unselfconsciously use what Jews revere as the sacred name of God as something to be laughed at. As for Pareene having big ones, well, I've never really noticed that pissing off or offending Jews was something reserved for only the tough and the brave. On the other hand, were Pareene to say something offensive about the Prophet Mohammed (pbuh), the sahabah, the Qu'ran, or Islam in general, that attracted significant attention from the Muslim world, we'd be able to see whether Pareene needed a pair of Neuticles. PERSONAL TO BELL COUNTY: Don't worry, Bell."

Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on Real Housewives Star Overfreeloads At The 'Gifting Suite'

"Good Lord. What else would you expect from LuAnn? The Lesseps family are noblesse de robe trash."

Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on Old White People Vote for Old White Person

""The problem with exit poll data that shows..." At the risk of sounding like a sour alter kacher with a pineapple-size wad of pedantry shoved up his ass, I'm going to come right out and say that using "data" as a singular noun sounds very goofy to me. Besides, the most intellectually robust societies have several not altogether unbelievable superstitions that cite the use of "data" as a singular noun as the chief cause of sexual malfunction in men and women."

Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on Joe Zee's Fabulous European Vacation

"Had Zee tried his zany reenactment of "Paul's Case" over at Conde Nast, tetchy ad-sales folk would have dragged him on meathooks from the building and then repeatedly around Times Square until his lifeless form was no longer recognizable as human flesh."

Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on Lindsay Lohan May Be A Lesbian, And She Doesn't Care Who Knows It

"@winniemc: "I'm the lesbian who speaks on behalf of all the lesbians." Dear Ms."

Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on Who's Stalking You On Facebook?

"@PickleTitsTurner: I'm just wondering what your personal feelings are about the plans for refurbishing St."

Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on Who's Stalking You On Facebook?

"This is really spooky! Here's what I get: 1."

Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on Leaked 'Sex And The City: The Movie' Clip Suggests [Spoiler Alert] Carrie Finds True Happiness

"I'm disappointed that Blackfilm for some reason decided not to show the following fifteen or so seconds of the clip, which, by the way, have already been in heavy circulation at West Hollywood "Cosmopolitan parties" for the past three weeks... SPOILER ALERT!!! Immediately after Miranda says, "There's a literal ringing in my ear," she starts to cough up copious mouthfuls of brilliantly red arterial blood which contain a lethal and highly contagious bacterium she contracted from rats living in the walls of her poorly refurbished Brooklyn brownstone."

Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on WNBC Anchor: "What The Fuck Are You Doing?!"

"@In Other News...: "Fuckity-fuckity-fuck fuckers!" You just made me nearly choke to death on my very tasty grapefruit-flavored Absolut and grapefruit juice. You're pretty goddamn adorable."

Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on Mistakes Were Gayed

"@TiffanySkital?: "When AIDS came along, it was the valiant and honest gay people who fought the stigma and cared for the dying, not the delusional disco vampires of 54..." We must not be remembering the same AIDS epidemic. During the one with which I'm familiar, there were no dependable predictors for who would or wouldn't behave valiantly or honestly. I saw scared, closeted people who overcame or overlooked their fear and self-disgust in order to engage in public activism and care for complete strangers through illness and death. I also saw strident advocates for gay rights who, when confronted with the realities of HIV/AIDS and unable to handle the messiness and sorrow, just sort of disappeared. It was like any other war-type situation."

Hamud Ibn Hamud commented on Chuck Palahniuk's Book Trailer Basically Straight-Up Porn

"@Pope John Peeps II: "Your absolutely circular intellectual tunnel-vision wraps around your universe of perspective and aims right back at your own ass. Seriously, do you actually kiss your mother with that mouth?"