As legend* has it, a mysterious hooded figure approached Karl Lagerfeld and Raf Simons before last season's couture shows and said, "Hey, did you hear about what the assorted lady-peasants are doing nowadays? They have this strange sort of shoe object — flat at the bottom, like a duck's foot, comprised of a slightly more comfortable material than your conventional shoe, fastened atop with a bow." And Karl Lagerfeld and Raf Simons were like, "Huh."
And thus was born the couture women's sneaker. Unfortunately, Chanel's Formal Sneaker option ("It appears that those resourceful poors are tying their charming little shoes with lace; fetch me the finest lace!") is only available with a full couture look. But the Dior sneakers are sold separately, thank goddess — for the low price of $1,100.
According to the New York Post, fashion humans with disposable income are eagerly snapping at the heels of these bedazzled water shoes; so far, they've been featured in Vogue and on Style Bubble, which termed them "the ultimate culmination of high fashion copulating with street wear," a glowing endorsement if ever there was one. These things are going to be big at fashion week, the prediction goes. Maybe they'll replace large, old-timey hats as the season's most bloggable accessory? Fingers crossed!
Honestly, I do not get it. And now, I fear, it's only a matter of time before some edgier designer decides to bedazzle a pair of those barefoot running shoes that cleave to your toes.
* A fanfiction composed by me.
Images via Dior.