[Sydney, January 22. Image via Getty]

• Christian Bale looks dirty and hot on the cover of the new EW! Inside, he talks about that infamous rant that was so popular it got turned into a dance remix:

• Justin Timberlake will attempt to finish what Ann Curry started: He'll head to Tanzania and climb Mount Kilimanjaro.

• Is Ashley Olsen getting married? The National Enquirer thinks so. It'll happen on the French Riviera next summer; she wants Karl Lagerfeld to make the dress and Annie Leibovitz to take the pix. Oh, the hubs-to-be is boyfriend Justin Bartha. [Daily Express]
• Ryan Reynolds ran the NYC marathon! His time? 3 hours and 50 minutes, faster than he anticipated. "It was an incredible experience," he says. He was asked how he'd celebrate and claimed: "I'll probably celebrate by eating my own body weight in raw dough." [People]
• Heh, things were "frosty" between Tina Fey and John McCain on Saturday Night Live. [MSNBC]
• A "crazed" Madonna fan stormed on to the set of Guy Ritchie's new movie and threatened to kill him. The teenager had a knife and was shouting, "I love Madonna." He was arrested, though if he were cast in Guy Ritchie's movie, that would be believable. [Mirror]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's kids went trick-or-treating in Malibu on Friday. Maddox was a Marine; Zahara was a Jolly Green Giant; Shiloh was a sheriff. Need pix!!! [Star Magazine]

• Oh dear: Lindsay Lohan's Ugly Betty episodes were cut from six to four. A source says: "It was a mess. Lindsay would show up every day with an entourage of people. She smoked 24/7, and after she left, they had to repaint her dressing room it was such a mess." Plus! in a scene where Betty is supposed to pull down Lindsay's pants, America Fererra did and LL wasn't wearing underwear. But! A different source says "America was mean to Lindsay. Producers give her too much power. Lindsay didn't do the last two episodes because America didn't like her and got her kicked off." Drama! [Page Six]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham is on the cover of Vogue India dressed as an Indian bride in a sari. There's a joke here about currying favor, right? [The Sun]
• Beyoncé would like for you to call her Sasha Fierce. Her new double album will be called I Am… Sasha Fierce. She explains: "I have someone else that takes over when it's time for me to work and when I'm on stage, this alter ego that I've created that kind of protects me and who I really am. Sasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when I'm working and when I'm on the stage." It's call compartmentalization. Look into it. [Reuters]
• Ali Lohan didn't go to her grandfather's funeral because she didn’t have time to get her hair extensions done the day before and didn’t want anyone to see what horrible hair she has. [ONTD]

• A month after being diagnosed with breast cancer, Christina Applegate is now cancer-free. "I'm clear," she told Robin Roberts of Good Morning America earlier today. "Absolutely 100 percent clear and clean. It did not spread — they got everything out, so I'm definitely not going to die from breast cancer." She went on to say: "My decision, after looking at all the treatment plans that were possibilities for me, the only one that seemed the most logical and the one that was going to work for me was to have a bilateral mastectomy." Apparently she had the surgery about three weeks ago. She'll have reconstructive surgery in the coming months. Be well! [ABC News]
• Madonna made a 40-minute speech on her birthday and admitted that she was "disappointed" that some of her celebrity BFFs, including Gwyneth Paltrow and Stella McCartney, didn't come to her party. But! Lourdes sang for her, and Guy told her she's beautiful. Is it enough for the woman who wants it all? (Do you think Madge gets depressed?) [MSNBC]
• Apparently Jennifer Aniston is not impressed that John "The Player" Mayer made that speech about her being the smartest most sophisticated person ever. A friend of Jen's says: "He is the biggest jerk ever. How dare he set up a p.r. stunt like that? He should be ashamed of himself and just shut his mouth." [Page Six]

• John Mayer on his breakup with Jen Aniston: "There's no lying, there's no cheating, there's no nothing. Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I have ever met. People are different, people have different chemistry. I ended a relationship to be alone, because I don't want to waste somebody's time if something's not right." Hmm, does Mayer The Player have commitmentphobia? [People, UPI]
• John Mayer also says: "I'm sorry that the story's not interesting. But it's about time that somebody stands up for that girl and I think she's great." [OK!]
• Um, there's also video of John making these statements. He actually seems emotional. [TMZ]
• Okay, this report says that though they're going through a rocky time, John and Jen are not over. Then again, it also claims that "the birth of the Brangelina twins has got her down." Ugh. [The Sun]
• This report says that money was an issue with Jen and John. "Jen was tired of paying for everything," says a source. "Cobwebs come flying out of (Mayer's) wallet when he opens it. John liked living like a movie star when he was with her. Jen would never say anything, but you could tell it irritated her." [MSNBC]
• Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi tied the knot! The private ceremony took place at their home in Los Angeles. There were 19 guests, including both of their mothers. [Yahoo News]

• Christian Bale's "assault" against his mother is part of a long-simmering feud. Apparently Christian's been estranged from his mother and sister, Jenny and Sharon Bale, since he sided with his father when his parents divorced in the early '90s. Christian "reluctantly" agreed to meet with them at his London hotel right before the premiere of The Dark Knight but soon realized they were there to hit him up for money. An argument ensued; Christian demanded they leave his suite and allegedly pushed his mother out of the door. Snubbed, his mother went and told her "assault" story; she's trying to sell it to media outlets as well. [Chicago Sun Times]
• Christian Bale singed autographs and posed for photos at the Madrid premiere of Dark Knight last night but did not speak to reporters, duh. By the by, he has not been formally charged with anything. [People]
• Christian's relationship with his wife? Solid. [E!]
• P.S.: Aaron Eckhart has agreed to be in a third Batman film. [ONTD]