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Alana "Honey Boo Boo Child" Thompson and her very intense mother June appear on Friday's episode of Anderson, during which a bunch of pageant moms from Toddlers & Tiaras dress up in all the crazy shit they make their daughters wear. These are the terrifying results, and a picture is worth a thousand "dollar make me hollers." It's enough to make you want to pour some of her special "go-go juice" in your eyes so you can never see anything ever again. More »
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Laura Kaeppeler was crowned Miss America last night by the C-list cabal of Kris Jenner, actress Teri Polo, and Dancing With the Stars judge Mark Ballas in a ceremony stripped of whatever former elegance it once boasted for the bloodsport format that so many self-flagellating amateur performers subject themselves to on shows like American Idol and X Factor.  In case you were too busy living your life to watch Miss Hawaii jump rope or Miss Texas play piano and hula hoop at the same time, Kaeppeler impressed three people who probably wouldn't know much better with her opera singing of "Il Bacio" and her total non-answer to a question about the importance of Miss America's political affiliation: "Miss America represents everyone."  Wonderful, hooray for America's homogeneous acquiescence to the indomitable bipartisanship of its newest pageant queen.  Kaeppeler, a native of Kenosha, WI, hopes to earn a Master's in speech pathology with the customary $50,000 scholarship plus an extra $2,000 for winning the talent competition, you know, to buy a pair of boots more suited for stomping on the dreams of infamous dieter Miss South Carolina (Bree Boyce). [Wash Post, People] More »
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Do you love all the drama of beauty pageants but hate the kiddie-porn-esque vibe of children's pageants? Then get thee to Pageant, a documentary paean to the biggest drag pageant there is. [New York Times] More »
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It's taken us a while to get around to this, but the new commercial for the Miss USA pageant — airing on NBC on April 11 — is sort of a mindfuck. Instead of sweeping previous embarrassing moments under the rug, NBC is embracing them and encouraging TV watchers to tune in because they might just see a beautiful woman slip and fall on her ass, or babble on about "the Iraq." Such as. Sure, they use the tagline, "Anything can happen — because it's live", but really, they're gleefully humiliating and mocking the girls who participate as well as their own damn programming. Correct me if I'm wrong. Clip above. More »
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