Jezebel: Ouch

Squished Spleen Alert: Octavia Spencer Wears Three Pairs of Spanx

Dodai Stewart — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:40:00 EST

Quoth the actress to Ellen: "I triple-Spank. Which is not good. Spanx really, really work, but you don't need to overdo it." She also recalled a recent conversation with pal Melissa McCarthy: "I could not party that night because I was being pinched in places that I didn't know it was possible… I said, 'Oh my God, Melissa, I'm about to die. My Spanx are killing me. She said, 'I just went to the bathroom and took mine off.' " More »

Plot Thickens in Case of Fake Doctor Who Injected Cement Into Butts

Erin Gloria Ryan — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 16:20:00 EST

More maimed patients have come forward to corroborate an accusation that a transsexual woman posing as a doctor has been going around injecting toxic chemicals into people's posteriors. More »

Once Upon a Time, Playgirl Endorsed Female Circumcision

Lauri Apple — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 17:00:34 EST

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Rachel Rabbit White recently visited her favorite vintage shop and picked up a couple of old Playgirl issues from the 1970s—you know, America's sex-positive years. While reading an issue from 1973, she discovered a most shocking, ouchy story. More »

Stop Biting People, America's Dogs

Lauri Apple — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 14:10:54 EST

The number of Americans hospitalized for dog bites nearly doubled between 1993 and 2008. Nobody knows why! People have tried asking the dogs what's up, but the dogs just go "woof woof" or some-such. Not much info to go on. More »

If The Shoe Fits, Wear It; If It Doesn't, Get Surgery

Dodai Stewart — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 14:18:00 EST

A woman named Audy just had foot surgery. A doctor dislocated Audy's toe, sawed out 2-millimeter chunk of bone, then inserted a titanium rod to bring the shortened bone back together. Why? So Audy can wear cute high heels. More »

Barbara Bush Thinks Sarah Palin Should Stay in Alaska

Lauri Apple — Sat, 20 Nov 2010 18:00:28 EST

During a cozy interview sesh with the Bush Number Ones, Larry King asked Barbara for a "read" on Sarah Palin. Though Bush says Palin is "beautiful," she's not exactly dazzled by the ex-governor/author/mama grizzly/hunter/gatherer/excitable tweeter. And it's funny! More »

Ballroom Dancing Is Backstabby, Brutal

Lauri Apple — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 18:20:00 EDT

With all those flowing and feathery outfits and graceful twirls, ballroom dancing certainly looks lovely. But real-life dancer Hanna Louise Annetts tells us not to be fooled by all that elegance and class for-show: the culture is nasty and sexist. More »

Random Penis Suffers Venomous Spider Bite

Katy Kelleher — Fri, 14 May 2010 11:20:39 EDT

A Canadian tourist was napping on a New Zealand beach when he suffered a spider bite in a very unlikely place. The man soon discovered that he had been bitten by the venomous katipo. He has fully recovered. [Times] More »

Wax Tales

maria — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 13:40:00 EDT

Prepare to cringe: A 31-year-old woman in Brisbane, Australia says that she contracted peeling burns in her "intimate areas" after a disastrous Brazilian bikini wax. The aesthetician who allegedly botched the waxing session had to be prompted to close the blinds and asked the customer how to do the wax when the customer complained that she was burning her. Uh, woman to woman: if you are unfamiliar with something that involves you putting anything hot (and painful) near a vagina, you should just not do it. Like, ever. [News.com.au] More »

Pleasure & Pain

Dodai Stewart — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 10:45:00 EDT

Here in New York City, a man has filed a suit in Manhattan Supreme Court against a strip club after an employee allegedly poked him in the eye with her high heel during a lap dance. Stephen Chang claims he "sustained serious personal injuries" in November when the stripper "suddenly swung around, striking [him] in the eye with the heel of her shoe." The manager, identified as Lou, says: "We didn't have any reported accidents. We have a first-aid kit, and we would have treated the guy or called an ambulance." Chang might actually be hurt — and embarrassed— but you know what Lou could have said? "Hey, consider yourself lucky — some places charge extra for that." [NY Daily News] More »

Bad Kitty!

dodai — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 15:45:00 EST

According to the New York Daily News, President Teddy Roosevelt's novelist granddaughter, Theodora Keogh, died recently in North Carolina at the age of 88. Her obituary in a UK paper notes: "After [her second husband, a tugboat captain] left her, she lived at [New York's] Chelsea Hotel, where she kept a margay (a South American wild cat) for company. One night, after she had drunk too much and fallen asleep, it chewed off one of her ears." You gotta love the crazy cat ladies! [Gatecrasher] More »

Lil' Kim's Ensemble, Wrist: Ouch.

dodai — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 14:10:00 EST

Faking It To Make It

dodai — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 09:45:00 EST

Goth was all dark and bloody, but post-Goth? That would be Kegadoru, or "injured idol," a new Tokyo fetish-fashion craze. Girls wrap their heads and bodies in bandages — and eyepatches — for that "damaged doll" look some guys apparently love. (Guys who liked the torture porn film Hostel, perhaps?) White bandages are for "virginal grace" while black ones mean "wickedness." Look for Gwen Stefani in a full body cast any day now. [BoingBoing] More »

A Florida woman decided that the best way...

Tracie Egan Morrissey — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 15:15:36 EDT

A Florida woman decided that the best way to keep her 13-year-old daughter from fooling around with boys was to forcibly pierce her genitalia, so as to make sex uncomfortable. She also shaved the girl's head in an attempt to make her less attractive. Child welfare officials were called in to intervene after the piercing became infected. The mom is currently standing trial for two counts of aggravated child abuse. She claims it was a last ditch effort to control her rebellious daughter who had sex with the mom's boyfriend. Why the hell didn't she stab his genitals with a sharp object for fucking her little girl? [MSNBC] More »