On Monday, runner Oscar Pistorius spoke in court during his trial for killing his girlfriend, model Reeva Steenkamp. Pistorius apologized to Steenkamp's family, before court was adjourned because he hadn't slept well the night before and was exhausted.
According to live updates from The Guardian, before testifying, Pistorius reacted emotionally to photos and discussion of Steenkamp's wounds, "retching" in court yet again. To Steenkamp's family he quietly and tearfully said:
I want to apologize to Reeva's family, to those of you who knew her and are here today. There is not a moment and there hasn't been a moment since this tragedy happened that I haven't thought about your family.
I wake up in the morning and you're the first people I think of, the first people I pray for. I can promise that when she went to bed that night she felt loved.
I've tried to put my words on paper many times to write to you but no words would ever suffice.
Pistorius also talked about his religion ("It doesn't matter what comes in life, you can always turn to the Lord") and said that meeting Steenkamp was a "blessing" because they shared this devotion to their faith ("There have been times when I've just been struggling a lot. My god is a god of refuge"). He is on anti-depressants and, as was reportedly the case last night, is having trouble sleeping. "I am scared to sleep," he said, adding that he's asked his sister to sit with him as he tries to sleep. "I have terrible nightmares about what happened that night. I wake up and I can smell blood." He never wants to be near a gun again.
Image via Themba Hadebe/AFP/Getty