This video from Oprah Winfrey's talk show in 1988 will not only teach you how to get the perfect "hourglass figure" (LOL), but will also remind you of the value of perfect shoulder pad placement.

There was a lot of horrible shit that came out of the 1980s—the Cold War, the Exxon Valdez Oil Spill, New Coke—but perhaps nothing was worse than the delusional trends and styles the fashion industry tried to force upon poor, innocent women. It's like everything we wore was thought up in a lab run by The Riddler from a 1960s Batman episode.

Thank you, 1980s! You taught us that being a skinny, beautiful young model wasn't enough—no way. We weren't truly complete until we wrapped a giant belt around our waist, slapped on some over-sized earrings befitting of Bozo the Clown's ex-girlfriend and shoved a couple of shoulder pads into our dress. Yes, because there is nothing that adds more to the perfect feminine shape than giant attachments that a linebacker would wear.

I'm sure at some point during this video you will find yourself screaming out "what in the hell are you doing to that poor girl, nooooo!" But take a careful look. Even Oprah looks like she thinks this a bunch of bullshit. She's hanging back there with all the ladies that used to attend her show in Chicago back then thinking "OH HELL NO."