Jezebel: Onion Rings

Anne Hathaway Confesses To Irrational Hatred For Random New England Woman

Margaret Hartmann — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 12:50:00 EDT

Have you ever wondered if Jennifer Aniston finds you boring, Gwyneth Paltrow thinks you're kind of pretentious, or Kim Kardashian wonders why you even got hired in the first place? More »

"Picassoesque Face" Our New Least-Favorite Insult

Katy Kelleher — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 15:20:00 EDT

Despite all the joy The Onion has brought us, we occasionally rue the day they became the arbitrators of intelligent satire. Because sometimes, like when the joke can be reduced to lulz ugly women!, it's just not that funny. [TheOnion] More »

New Orleans Doctors Prescribe Drinking, Sex

Katy Kelleher — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 13:20:00 EDT

I was ready to make a health-conscious life change on the basis of this report until I heard: "New Orleans doctors also strongly advise that young women expose their breasts to screaming crowds at least once a year." [Onion] More »

Onion Takes Aim At Gwynnie, Misses The Mark

Katy Kelleher — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 09:40:00 EDT

Onion Takes Aim At Gwynnie, Misses The Mark" alt="Click here to read Onion Takes Aim At Gwynnie, Misses The Mark" src="http://cache.jezebel.com/assets/images/39/2010/04/gwyn345234534535234.png"/>

Poor Gwyneth. Not only is GOOP the most hated lifestyle blog, The Onion has the entire internet waiting to see her injured. Punching jokes = as cringe-worthy as anything Paltrow has done. (Nice SATC kicker, though). [The Onion] More »

"Proving That A Woman Can Rule With An Iron Fist Just As Well As A Man"

Katy Kelleher — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 09:40:00 EDT

Progress: They has it! Click through to see the Onion's hard-hitting reporting on East Timor's first female dictator and to be "terrified and oppressed by one of our own," who (natch) has a feminine side. [Onion] More »

Domesticating Women: Funny, Too Close For Comfort

Katy Kelleher — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 09:20:00 EST

"A valuable commodity with seemingly endless uses, the woman has played a crucial role throughout human history...disobedience on the part of women was not taken lightly; physical punishments and restrictive harnesses were often employed to curb any independent behavior." [TheOnion] More »

The Girl Detective

Katy Kelleher — Tue, 26 May 2009 11:30:00 EDT

Nancy Drew's squeaky-clean image has finally been tarnished: it appears that Ms. Drew may have planted evidence, the Onion radio news reports. [Onion] More »

Porn Misleading Kids About The True Nature Of Sex

Katy Kelleher — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 15:30:00 EDT

Fresh from The Onion news channel: porn is (wrongly) teaching kids that sex can be enjoyable. Also, Grand Theft Auto fails to teach children about "the emotional side of killing whores." [The Onion] More »

Not Ready For Prime Time

Sadie Stein — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 11:45:00 EDT

Love the Onion: "Empowered man murders controlling wife in Lifetime For Men original movie." [Onion] More »